We Got Miles of Racism

Oh, Lord.

The A's just picked up a racist who went to Antioch High.

Remember me fuckhead?

Asshole?

Douche bag?

No? That's cool Mr. Superstar - I was a Senior when you were a little dick Sophomore - now you're a little dick, Big Leaguer. Why the hatred from Sllaacs? Why with so much gusto and vitriol? And why do I give a fuck about Aaron, weak-ass Miles?

Well, we did go to the same high school - lived in the same city, played on the same Babe Ruth baseball fields - but what we didn't do that was the same was get together with white friends and call the black kids "Nigger".

Maybe because I was a black kid, and couldn't see the fun that Aaron and his boys did in yelling out the epithet - and he didn't do it around me, or I would have beat the racism right out of him; his mom and his grandma. But hey now, that was High School - that's all in the past, right?

Nope.

Here's a little "Let's Say" story:

Let's say, a little while ago that a certain racist midget second baseman (who was on the "RedBirds" at one time) called my little brother and accused him of selling coke (cocaine, NOT soda) to the second baseman's wife - who later went on to a rehab.
Let's say the second baseman's name is "Inches".
Let's say that my brother happened to record one of the several phone calls, and has "Inches" on tape saying he will "kill your big-lipped nigger ass". That's funny too, cuz if he steps up like a real man, my brother will beat the dog shit out of "Inches", and then "allegedly" sell more coke to his wife. But let's be real about coke "selling": You only need to announce that you have it, the coke heads will beat your door down for it.

Moreover, "Inches", like "Miles" is no different from the majority of white people who had families and generations that grew up in Antioch and watched aghast as Nigger after Nigger moved into their neighborhoods - brought all sorts of shit to the "Yock" and banged the hell out of their white sisters, daughters, and girlfriends - while the white sons wanted only to emulate.
Good old Antioch, how I miss thee...

Not.

Oh yeah, while we're at it: Welcome to Oakland Aaron Miles, the first Athletic that I will truly dislike on a personal level. Why don't you call Coco Crisp or Rajai Davis a Nigger? In your mind, I know you already have.


Sllaacs

The Greatness of the Raiders and the Not-So of the Warriors

Raiders 13 Eagles 9. In your face, McNabb.

Just like Al Davis has probably said on numerous occasions; you just gotta get after that opposing QB, give him no time to sit back and pick you apart. You gotta use the deep pass to score, and a hard-nosed running game to control the clock. JaMarc, he even threw a decent game - at least relatively - and the Raiders pulled off the upset in a game that only a fan of the Eagles or Raiders could watch all the way through.

Next week we should see more of the same, but with the usual result: the defense will outplay the offense - that is, the Raiders Defense will outplay the Raiders Offense, only I don't see Mark Sanchez and the former Bretts taking the Raiders lightly, or being "outcoached" or "surprised", like the Philly squad. Enjoy this victory Raiders Fan - it might be your last.

The GSW's.

Warrior Fans, whatever shall we do? Stack Jack (Stephen Jackson) wants out of the Golden State, so that -much like Al Harrington- he can still lose, but do it a more fun fashion.
The Warriors named Monta Ellis as Captain in place of Stack Jack, who basically yanked off his own Captains "C" and tossed it in the commode after wiping himself with it. He then made comments to effect that the Captain designation is meaningless.

I don't know about that. Besides getting to go out to mid-court before the first whistle, the "C" does seem to bestow the wearer with the license to speak to the refs, to straighten out other players on the team, to be the heart and the soul of the team, I would think - but Stack Jack says he can't lead a bunch of guys making the same money as him - they have to handle themselves.

I do remember one captain the Warriors had in thier past, and his name was Tim Hardaway. His name probably is still Tim Hardaway, but I digress. He was not just one of the captains, he was the floor general, the best offensive option (in his mind), and the outspoken leader of a team that wasn't great, but damn sure entertained. He was the face of the franchise and we fans liked him and his Utep Two-Step from Day One.

The Warriors haven't been great, ever. They haven't been entertaining since the "We Believe" Season of 2007 that seems to have taken place way back in 1977, it was so long ago.

Now we got ourselves another little shooting guard of a point guard, and he's to be the floor general to hear Don Nelson tell it, and he will lead this team - and not because he's a natural leader, but because the Warriors have no other option. Monta will wear the "C" for as long as he is a Warrior - or until he feels the same way about wearing it as Stack Jack.

Wear it well, Monta. Give us fans a little hope.



Sllaacs

Manning to Colston - TOUCHDOWN!!

So yeah, in my Fantasy League I have Eli Manning as my QB and Marques Colston as my #1 receiver, so in fantasy terms aren't I technically correct in pretending that Eli tosses those fantasy passes to Colston in the weekly matchup? No...? Well, it's my first year.

So the picks:

San Franciso @ Minnesota
The Vikings got the run stopping Williams Wall, and the Niners will pound it, pound it, pound it. Have to go with the Vikes at home though, with Brett Favre the Game Manager continuing to victimize the 49ers, as he has done over most of his career. Vikings 23-13 over the Niners.

Denver @ Oakland
Pretty easy here: Denver looks decent, Oakland looks lucky to be 1 and 1. JaMarcus looks worse that Alex Smith ever did, whil Denver messed off a franchise QB in Jay Cutler during the offseason, and still got a decent QB in return (Kyle Orton). The Raiders cut a decent QB in Jeff Garcia and have no options other than JaMarcus who is most kindly described these days as "raw". Denver should roll by 2 TD's at least. With that in mind, I choose Oakland to somehow get the victory. There is some attractiveness in that scrappy defense and the young QB who looks horrible for most of a game but can make big throws at the end. Raiders over the Broncos 18-17.

Tennessee @ New York Jets
I like Sanchez. The Jet fans probably love him. Tennessee is bad - NYJ is bad, but at least the Jets have Sanchez. Jets over Titans 28-16.

Miami @ San Diego
Go Wildcat, it's your birthday... Miami is also stuffing the run this year, besides thier Wildcat hi jinks. LaDainian is hobbled and Merriman is hurting, but they will probably be out here for this home loss to the Dolphins. Miami Dolphins over San Diego Padres... er, Chargers, 24-9.

Sllaacs' Ballers are 2-0. Sousa's lame-ass squad is 1-1. What's lame-er, is that our teams don't play each other during the regular fantasy season. You'll have to make the playoffs to get rolled by the Ballers, Sousa - I'd say good luck, though you won't need it with this weeks opponent.

Sllaacs

John's Picks: Cuz we're in the Spirit World, asshole. They can't see us!

Wow. Sllaacs comes up with some picks and a nice clip, although I prefer this longer version, because it has the quote in the title of this post.

Anyway, as exhibit A in why I protested the trade he's talking about, Marques Colston plays for New Orleans, so Eli Manning won't be throwing him jack shit in the New Texas Stadium, as evidenced in this clip reel:



See, Sllaacs doesn't even know what team his players play for, except that he knows Frank Gore plays for the 49ers. Anyone who doesn't know what team players play for is unqualified to manage a fantasy football team.

Anyway.

Dallas, who has Tony Romo, my fantasy quarterback, faces a tough game against the New York Football Giants. But I like Dallas. The Toddfather is going to be in the house this weekend, and he tells me that the Cowboys can't be beaten. Normally, this would be a reason to pick the Giants. But not this time. Cowboys 27, Giants 24.

The 49ers are going to lose to Seattle in the exact opposite of the score Sllaacs picked, 21-10.

And the Raiders, I don't care what anybody says, are a bandwagon pick this week for a reason. 24-14.

A word about JASR - And then the picks.

Now that the Main Stream Media have made the connection, I would like to reinforce my own stance on JaAlex SmiRussell - or JASR, for short. Sllaacs feels no satisfaction in this, only a slight vindication, for Alex Smith.

Alex Smith has been correctly labelled a BUST, but that label should have an asterisk, that says: "The San Francisco Forty-Niners totally messed up this kids' career, see 'Nolan, Mike' for further details."

The same can be said JASR - he is a victim of a crummy owner, coaching staff and team, and much like Alex Smith - he is no Archie Manning. He needs some semblance of a coaching staff and supporting cast on his team for him to succeed. There is nothing wrong with JASR physically; he can make all the plays, but he must be properly guided in how to be a QB. In the old days, JASR and Alex Smith would have sat the bench for at least one full season and carried a clipboard while a veteran QB showed him how it was done. The success of Peyton Manning and a few other great QB's coming right in and starting, along with media pressure due to the Number One Overall Pick status of both JaMarcus and Alex, led two weak ownership's to rush the young players into games, before any kind of team stability or structure had been achieved. When I see JASR, I just feel sad, and I feel a slight vindication for Alex, because the same thing that happened to him, has happened to JASR. Now, all the Raiders fans need is for Cable to call JASR a pussy and JASR to go into a game and injure himself further. Then he and Alex will be damn-near twins. The Ebony and Ivory Quarterbacks, underneath the heading: Ruined #1 Overall Picks by Bay Area NFL teams.

What should irk Raiders fans the most: Didn't Big Al take at least one look across the Bay over the last 4 years and get a smidgen of an idea of the horrible job Nolan and the Yorks were doing with Alex Smith? Guess not, since he's doing nearly the exact same thing with JASR. Or at least, allowing it to happen.

Picks:

San Franciso @ Miami:

The Dolphins are good. Better than Buffalo? Yes. Better than the Bretts? I don't know. Better than the Forty-Niners? The Mike Singletary-led Forty-Niners? Probably. But I am going to go with my squad this week, hoping not to jinx them. They went to New York and won, so I will pick the Forty-Niners to go into Florida now and come back with another win. San Francisco over the Dolphins 17-10.

New England @ Oakland:

The Raiders will lose this one. Why, you might ask, am I so sure? Because the Raiders are Blue Shit Water, that's why. But more than that, the Raider ALWAYS FOLD IN BIG GAMES. And this is a big game - for Randy Moss. He wants to come in and go off on the Raiders. And he will. Nmandi is quite the baller, and even if he does shut down Moss, Randy will be leaving with the win and the thought that success in the playoffs is a realistic goal. New England over the Raiders, 38-22.

Green Bay @ Jacksonville:

Who would have thought, after week 8 that the Niners would be challenging the Packers for "Better Record". Quite the tumble for the Cheese Heads. They went from: "We Need Favre!" to: "We got Rodgers!" to: "Who are we gonna draft next year?"  Expect the Packers to keep losing. The Jacksonville Jaguars will beat Green Bay 23-16, in a "Depresser".

N.Y. Giants @ Dallas:

This is the only compelling game of the week, in Sllaacs opinion. Should be a good game, with N.Y. having the shine slapped off their asses by McNabb and Co. and Pittsburgh callin' it a comeback against Dallas last week, even though they been here for years, rocking their peers, putting suckers in fear - making their tears rain down like a mon-soon... But I digress, (Go L.L, go L.L!). N.Y. will slap down Romo and T.O. Giants over Cowboys, 27-17.

"...don't ever compare me to rest who are all being sliced and diced..."

P.S.  You gotta love LL Cool J.  "Momma said knock you out", but she also said "Todd, take out the garbage."

Sllaacs

Kawakami Rips off Sllaacs, Makes Me Physically Ill

Tim Kawakami has an extended blog post on the similarities between JaMarcus Russell and Alex Smith. About a month after Sllaacs started calling him JaAlex SmiRussell, or JASR for short.

What makes me so physically ill about the Kawakami post is that I'm terrified he might be right. And that's also why I'm endorsing the idea floated by Cam Inman in his column the other night. Sit him down until you have a coach who can work with him, and a line that can block for him, and some wide receivers who can catch the goddam ball.

John's Picks

Since Sllaacs is apparently out making it safe for white folks to vote against Obama without feeling that twinge of white guilt, and therefore Sllaaccing on making the picks (Probably because the 49ers have a bye, and oh yes, that was a pun), here we go*.

Raiders vs. Falcons: You know, I was kind of back to feeling like we really, really suck, and that I should never, ever pick the Raiders to win a game. Plus, Michael Turner is on my fantasy squad, and given our difficulty stopping the run, I feel like I'm kind of guaranteed a big day there. But then again, JaMarcus has been sharp at home, as have the Raiders generally other than the first game. And seeing as we have the best defense in the AFC West, and DeAngelo Hall is fired up to face his old team, we can't lose. But that doesn't mean we're going to win, either. Tie Game, 20-20.

Green Bay vs. Tennessee: Aaron Rodgers got a contract extension. Maybe he'll lose all of his motivation. Tennessee has an awesome defense and Kerry Collins at QB, and in spite of that fact is undefeated. I like the Packers in this game, on the Road. 27-21.

Dallas vs. New York Football Giants: My buddy Todd is in New Jersey for this game. He's a Cowboys (and RomoSexual, like the Professor), and his girlfriend Adi has an inexplicable crush on Eli Manning. Well, Jessica's Boyfriend is not playing, and the Giants are good. I like the Giants, 27-17.

Washington vs. Pittsburg. Game of the week, easily. 5-2 vs. 6-2, in a game that may or may not have electoral implications. Berman is interviewing both McCain and Obama at halftime. Hopefully nobody will walk in front of the camera. I like the Steelers in this game, especially if Santana Moss doesn't play. 21-17.


*That's not really Sllaacs. It just kinda looks like him.

The 49ers are Boring.

Nolan's fired. Big deal. Wake us up when Dr. York breaks out the overhead projector and spends over an hour calling Nolan a lying liar who lied and lied and lied.

I wonder what Sllaacs thinks about Mike Singletary. I guess he's too busy hating on JaMarcus on my facebook wall.

As for the Raiders and our thrilling, overtime win, well, we're still working on processing that properly. Baby steps, people. There are a lot of pictures to sort through, inebriated notes to decipher, and whatever the hell else we have to do. That's why we're bloggers, because we're not competent enough to be real writers.

Jerry: Draft Timmy

Jerry McDonald makes the case for why Tim Brown could make a difference in the front office.

We're leaving now for the House.

Live updates via iPhone, and Sllaacs may join us for the tailgate.

Don't Call it a Comeback: John's Picks

Now that my colon is no longer a semi-colon, I'm coming back to rock the picks. We haven't tallied up a score in a while, and I think dobolina is off being a new dad or something, so it will just be me vs. Dan vs. Sllaacs. We'll get a new score after this weekend.

Okay, party people.

So. The Tom Cable Era begins. Yes, the press conferences may be bland. I don't give a good Gosh Darn It, as long as the product on the field isn't dull. Or shit, go ahead and be dull, just win a goddam football game, okay? I think the Saints are a better team, and should win the game at home in the dome. But it's also a homecoming of sorts for JaMarcus, who dominated in his last appearance there, in 2007 Sugar Bowl. So, the Aints win, 27-24.

Rush Limbaugh's favorite quarterback also happens to be my fantasy QB. I didn't pick him out of a "social concern," in fact the auto-draft did it for me. I was quite happy with him for the first three weeks of the season. Now, he promises to bring it. And since Chris Dennebaum--the biggest Philly Phanatic I know--is getting married this Sunday, I think the Iggles join the rest of the Philly sports renaissance going on right now. JTO may throw for 300 and 3 TDs, but so does Donovan. 35-28 Eagles.

Seattle sucks. I mean, they really, really suck. They Art Shell Suck. They suck so bad, Walt Coleman's mother called up Paul Allen and asked if she could audit some team meetings and improve her deep throat technique. I mean, they're not as bad as the Lions or the Rams, but they still suck. Green Bay 37-6.

In a rematch of last year's AFC Championship game, I think the Patriots will beat the Chargers. They're not that great. They almost lost to us. The Chargers don't look like they can score points to me. So there. 18-14 San Diego.

Sllaacs' Mom Provoked My CyberStalker; Picks.

I'm still pretty sure that the guy trying to get his flame war on me is my brother, who didn't know who Lance Kiffin was. Although, when I read it out loud to him, he laughed and said he didn't write it but wished he had. Still, he's the only one who so lovingly calls me "DickFace."

I feel like I need to mention Bill Simmons today, because he brings up the NFL.com "Every Day is Like Sunday" commercials. Which I wrote about almost a month ago. Wow, I beat one of my heroes to the punch, which means absolutely nothing. It's also relevant because he has the Bye week beating the Raiders (though not by as much as it's beating the Rams), has some funny-ish reader emails about which Hollywood monster Al Davis most resembled at the press conference, and says that we Raiders fans get a Stomach Punch because Tom Cables record as Head Coach at the University of Idaho was 11-35. Anyway, that's more games in the span of 3 years than we've one the last three, so it's an improvement, right?

As for Sllaacs saying that Cable should keep to Lance's plan, does that include the weekly "Tell The Truth Mondays," or what Al Davis referred to as Flat Out Lying? Because that would be awesome.

On to the picks:

Niners vs. Patriots. I really, really hope that Patrick Willis catches Randy Moss coming over the middle. Oh, right, Randy doesn't go over the middle. Oh well. The 49ers win. 17-14.

Packers vs. Falcons. Is Aaron Rodgers even playing? Still feeling good about trading the Indestructable Brett Favre now? Rodgers is the man of Glass. Falcons, and Bubba Malaysia's All Star Running back Michael Turner run the shit out of the Packers, 29-13. Seems like Turner busts out ever two weeks, so he's due.

Bufalo goes to 4-0 with a 27-14 Win over AZ. Is Matt Leinert still on that team?

By the way CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY would like to thank Al Davis, Lane Kiffin, the NFL, Tim Kawakami, John Herrera, and Morrissey for the month of September, which I just noticed was our most prolific month since our inception, with a total of 116 posts.

Who the Fuck is Randy Hanson? Also, John's Picks.

Good job by Dan and Sllaacs keeping up the blog while I've been out of action. I think all of the stupidity of the last week made me sick.

Anyway, so just what the Raiders the morning of a game with a division rival: More controversy. Some guy named Randy Hanson was suspended by Lance after the Monday Night Debacle of September 8 after he was overheard saying, "It's a good thing that Shanahan didn't have our players, or else he would have beaten us 1,000-0."

So now he's the latest assistant coach to come out and call Lance a liar, and what with all the injuries, I'll be shocked if we keep the game within 30 points today. The only inflection we're likely to see or hear is in Al's voice when he speaks to the media this week, if he was telling Corkran the truth. on thisAt least that will be interesting. Chargers win, 42-10.

Jerry has more on this, saying that Kiffin's big mistake was in not talking to Al before trying to fire Rob, etc, which is the same shit Shanny did 20 years ago when he tried to purge his staff of Art Shell and Tom Walsh. We all know how that ended up.

Again, I'm not saying Kiffin is the 2nd coming of Bill Walsh. He's clearly not. He's also probably a hypocrite, as Peterson argues so persuasively. But anyone who thinks he's the only, or even the main problem, is in denial. Deep, crushing, unhealthy denial.

The 49ers are playing pretty good football. It could be a shoot out in the dome. I like the 9ers, actually, 31-28.

I like Tampa over the Packers, in a squeaker, 17-14. Maybe even OT. Raiders fans will watch, wistfully, remembering what it was like to have a well-coached football team.

Jets-Cardinals. Maybe there's something to this trade speculation of Jerry's. I would trade every receiver who is not a rookie, and next years (likely Top-5) for Anquan Boldin. Do it NBA-style, so the cap numbers match. But that's just me. I'm weird, I want JaMarcus to be successful.

Oh. Cardinals win after they return 3 Favre INTs for six. I'd a double-bagged.

Sllaacs is Half Right.

Of course Lance Kiffin was not qualified to be more than an assistant coach.

And of course, Big Al has every right to fire Kiffin.

Those are not really relevant questions any more. The main questions, as articulated most recently by both Monte Poole and Lowell Cohn, are whether or not Al Davis still the physical and/or mental wherewithal to run a credible NFL franchise, and if not, can anyone do anything about it.

It's pretty clear he doesn't, and there's not a god damn thing any of us can do but watch and feel sick about it.

Jerry throws some gas on the fire for the "saps" by pointing out that Al Davis was in Alameda before noon today, contrary to Kawakami's assertion in a Deadspin interview that Al doesn't get to the compound before 4:30 in the afternoon.

It's pretty obvious that Kawakami was being ironic. I don't know if Jerry is just passionately pursuing the truth or throwing some red meat for the fanatics that post in his comments section.

Either way, the Raiders are screwed.

Sllaacs Picks - Week 3 - Aaron Rodgers Arm, John Kitna's Head, JaMarcus Russells' Arm and Head

So I took the arm of John Kitna over the arm of Aaron Rodgers.  Looked OK up until the fourth quarter.  So with info from that game last week filed away in the old Brain Box, I submit my picks: 

Dallas @ Green Bay.  I think the popular pick would be to take the Packers at home in this game, but I will take Dallas for the simple fact that they are the better team, and have the best receiver in the NFL - Terrell Owens.  30-17, Cowboys win.

Raiders @ Buffalo.  The Bills are 2-0 against bad teams (Seattle and Jacksonville), but their defense looked good in both games.  Despite the victory over the horrible Chiefs last week, and the wonderful distraction that is RAIDER MANAGEMENT, Oakland will get blown out in N.Y. to the tune of 28-12, Bills win. I think we can look for more Alex Smith-like numbers from J. Russell in this game, and more blame on the receivers.  

Let's just watch when, how and where JaMarcus delivers the ball on each pass attempt and ask ourselves how many Hall of Famers Brett Favre has thrown to over his career.  Here is a short list* of some of Favre's most notable receivers:

TD's

Antonio Freeman 57

Sterling Sharpe  41 

Donald Driver  36

Robert Brooks   32

Bubba Franks  29

JAVON WALKER   19

Mark Chmura   16

Dorsey Levens   16

Greg Jennings 14

William Henderson 13

Keith Jackson   11

Edgar Bennett  10

Don Beebe 4

Mark Clayton 3

Andre Rison   1

 

*the above is an Arbitrary Listing, for complete stats, CLICK HERE.

In the end, it's all about the Quarterback.  David Carr has a career 59.7 completion pct. and led the NFL in 2006, before being relegated to the bench last year in Carolina - largely due to mobility "problems", read; shitty Offensive Lines.  Who was he throwing to when he was with the Texans?  Exactly.

Detroit @ San Francisco.  Here is one game the Niners SHOULD win, (Might be a long while before you read that type of statement regarding SF in this blog again).  The Lions gave up 34 points to the woeful Dirty Birds, then gave up 48 to the Pack, ( That latter game being blown out of proportion a bit since Kitna went nuts with the throwing of the picks).  Point is, Offensively or Defensively the Lions have a 50-year history of giving up points to opponents at a rate that stunts the hell out the teams' annual efforts for success.  Right now in Detroit, you already got receivers bitching about Martz being fired and the Lions running too much.  

No matter how often we bitch about the current state of our teams in the Bay Area, at least we're not living in Michigan.  In short; the Lions sucked, suck and will suck some more.  

Niners win, 35-17.

P.S. Heard a rumor on KNBR 680 AM (SF):  Kiffin won't be fired until the Raiders lose one.  So, this Monday, 6am Eastern Time?

Sllaacs

Bad Omen for 49ers?

Sllaacs helpfully pointed out this story to me via email. A 78 year-old 49er fan was killed by a runaway police horse.

He's just hoping that's not a metaphor for the 49ers' season.

Sllaacs getting his Larry King On

I wonder what Paul Pierce is thinking as Kobe steals the ball... Poor Javon, drunk and gay - spraying champagne, and then later found on a street - knocked the fuck out and gaffled... What happens in Vegas... So the A's put the sweepers on the Giants - rejoice, cuz the Giants will be back, visiting the Coliseum at the end of this month to help the A's track down the Halos... By the way, has Pudge Rodriguez been a dominant catcher for the past 100 years, or does it just seem that way? Ivan will still gun a fool down trying to steal, and can pick a sucka off of any base, at any moment, and during any count... By the way, where was Javon Walker's entourage? You mean to tell me he was out partying alone? No Crew? No Posse? No teammates? A new day in the Age of the Posse... Billy Beane is so much of the man, that I wonder if we need a new definition for the term... So far the Danny Haren deal is looking like a wonderful, amazing move, and really Beane hasn't gotten smashed on any trade except for the Tim Hudson Deal... The Mark Mulder deal was genius due to Mulder's terrible health since the trade to St.Louis... A long time ago Nick Swisher was a "Young Oakland A"... Wasn't that like, a year ago Tuesday? I always thought Doc Rivers was an ass; as a player, an analyst, and as a coach. To support my innermost instincts, I enter this quote from Rivers (copied from a Scott Osler article) "Kobe's the most dangerous defender in the league." My ass... Totally meaningless statement... "Most Dangerous Defender"... Just what the hell does that mean? Is Kobe out there strapped with a Nine-Milli and at any moment might just bust a cap? Just how dangerous can a defender be? I have witnessed players who I guess could be called "dangerous defenders" in the NBA before - Bill Laimbeer and Dennis Rodman come to mind immediately(the preceding links lead to awesome video clips of the two)... So I ask, who in this Hell has Kobe Bryant forearm shivered, or out-and-out attacked for having the audacity to take a shot at the basket? The next one will be the first... As a Warriors fan, I am not pleased with Baron Davis and his L.A. connections... The W's do have a future without Boom Dizzle, but not at the Point Guard position, not yet... Baron is the type of player that, on another team, I can easily see myself hating, but if he went to L.A., I shudder to think of the outright loathing I will feel for B.D., it would be unhealthy... Tiger Woods, Willis Reed and Kirk Gibson; wobbly kneed gamers... Justin Duchscherer... Just putting his name down for the uninitiated is all, A's fans know our boy well... The Lakers blew 2 more huge leads in game 5, but the home crowd kept them juiced, they won't have the "13th man" anymore... And just because the Lakers and Celtics are in the Finals again after a thousand years doesn't make this a "Golden Year" for the NBA, it's just another season... Or not, if the Lakers come back and win.


Sllaacs

Somewhere Sllaacs is Sulking

Sllaacs must be having trouble lighting his blunts, what with the tears falling after the Warriors' latest loss, this time to Denver.

Don Nelson is pulling a page from Hillary's book and pleading with party elders--er--David Stern, to "Do something about it."

He has a point, actually. The Eastern Conference, except for Boston, Cleveland, and Detroit, sucks ass. There will 10 teams who finish with winning records in the West. Two of them will be ass out, while some sorry teams get to compete in the East.

Happy Valentine's Day

The Raiders seem to have quieted down on the drama front, hiring James Lofton to coach up the receivers and getting a new strength and conditioning coach, supposedly both interviewed and hired by Lane Kiffin, which I'm choosing to take as good news. And they re-signed Fargas, which is great news.

I was thinking about writing about the NBA, which I may yet. When the Raiders moved to Los Angeles in 1982, I kind of stopped caring about football. I still watched it, but I didn't have a favorite team. Basketball became my first love. The Los Angeles Lakers and Magic Johnson in particular (yes, you can point out the hypocrisy of being mad at the Raiders for moving to Los Angeles but then loving a basketball team from Los Angeles, if it will make you feel better).

So the Pau Gasol trade is good, good news. I've been talking to some of my friends (mainly Sllaacs and Ken and my lawyer Nappy McBigtoe) about rediscovering basketball.

Which brings me to Valentine's Day. I always liked it as a kid, because it was fun giving and getting the little Peanuts and Ziggy and Spider-Man Valentine's Day cards in elementary school. And I liked the candy. One time, I even got Michael Jordan Valentines. I still might have a couple of those, actually.

Anyway, once I got old enough to have an actual girlfriend on Valentine's Day, it went all bad, and I longed for the nostalgic days when everyone got cards, even the ugly people with snot on their shirts.

Junior year, the first time I had a real girlfriend, she came over to my house for dinner. My parents got into a fight that eventually involved my mother throwing some small appliances (clock radios, a small black and white TV) at the wall behind my Dad's head. My parents didn't fight like this very often, but when they did they always made sure they had an audience. It inflated the apparent level of domestic strife in the Sousa house, but at least they had some style about it. That kind of behavior in the privacy of your own home without anyone to witness it is a cliche.

Senior year the shittiness of Valentine's Day had nothing to do with the girl I was dating. That part actually went okay. I think I got her a Prince tape (Diamonds and Pearls). But I had a game that night at Pittsburg (I was an Antioch Panther) and I forgot my goddamn uniform at home. That was fucking embarrassing waiting for my mom to drive home and get it while I explained to the coaches why I wasn't getting dressed. Thank god it was a Pitt, and not at say, Berkeley or El Cerrito.

Freshman year of College, I had a girlfriend who was one of those "I don't want to be known as John's Girfriend, I'm my own person" types. Anyway, so she said "I don't want to celebrate Valentine's Day." Since I was a fucking idiot, I believed her and didn't get her anything. So she was pissed at me.

I managed to avoid the next 6 or 7 Valentine's Days because I was single. When I finally got another real girlfriend, I think I was 25, she broke up with me on Valentine's Day. Actually put the breakup letter in a Valentine's Day card. That was cold blooded.

But again, I was a fucking idiot, because I'd seen that one coming, and I should have stayed home to watch the Lakers game on TV instead of going over to her house to get that stupid letter. I should have made her use a stamp.

Okay, you're asking as you're reading this, where does the Professor fit into all of this? I bet she just loves reading about all of your ex-girlfriends. Well, when we were first courting, I got a CD from her for Valentine's Day. And it almost made cry. And we've since had 6 great Valentine's Days. And now that we have Baby Lily, I get to vicariously re-live the glory days when everybody gets a Valentine in their cubby hole.

Hating My Way to a Great Prediction

So yeah, Sllaacs here; I picked the Giants to win by 4 - they won by three - and I have proof. I also picked the G-men to win during the regular season and they lost that one. So I am a football picking genius right? No - just a full-fledged Hater. I hate that the Niners suck and Patsy's do not. I hate the G-men once again - why do they get to have a good team and a good Quarterback and Niners don't? Why? Why can't the Niners have a Manning? Whatever.

I guess I should consider that the Niners now have Mike Martz, the offensive-minded genius who got cheated by Bill Belichick in the Super Bowl back in the day, and the ramifications that such a signing may bring forth - both good and bad. Consider it considered. Shay-Heezy in the house? That's what I get to look forward to. So I Hate. And that is sports fandom, I suppose. I mean, it's kind of like having an ugly girlfriend and ignoring that ugliness - or better yet, accepting it and expecting it to change drastically in a realistic amount of time - while being pissed off at all your homies for having hot chicks, who you know won't be hot forever, but they sure look good for the predictable future. A guy could upgrade his girlfriend, but true fans can't upgrade to a better team - that's sacreligious - they can only bitch and moan until their team get's it together and competes again, (or in the case of the New Orleans Saints: For the First Time).

So that's where I think Bay Area fans are now, in terms of the NFL; Watching And Anxiously Waiting, Anticipating And Always Hating; (WAAWAAH). So I will waawaah and sit tight, the Patriots loss making me feel all right.

Now, Hatred aside: we must acknowledge the Patriots season as an utter and complete failure.

How's that? Regular season undefeated; AFC Champions - means something right? Not for New England. They have been there, done that, as far as the key pieces of the team goes, so yeah - they fucking failed to cap off the season, and now who will care about regular season perfection and record setting performances when you lose the Super Bowl? They look even worse off the field when you consider Tom Brady's laughing off the pre-game prediction by Plaxico Burress and NE coach Bill Belichick beligerently bulling his way off the field with 1 nanosecond left on the game clock. Then you got Brady and Randi Moss skipping the Pro Bowl. Would they have skipped the Pro Bowl if they had won? Brady; probably, but Moss would be there in Honolulu beaming his million dollar smile and keeping it real, all the while saying: "I told you so, Raider Fan."

So with these images, and more importantly the image of Eli Manning breaking from the grasp of the defense to fire a pass downfield that was caught by a hand and a helmet, we can now know - or at least pretend to know - what Mercury Morris meant when he said the Patroits would not be welcome in his neighborhood unless they won it all. For the NFL, this will go down as one of the greatest Super Bowl upsets of all time. I say that it at least trumps the Patriots win over St. Louis because there is no evidence that the Giants digitally recorded the Patriots final walkthrough a day before the Super Bowl. This also shows what people know about predicting outcomes between Championship teams - nothing. That is, after all why they play the games. So goodbye, NFL - See you again come August.

I will hardly miss ye.

Sllaacs Divisional Picks

Via email this morning, with the heading "Playoffs:"

So here we are, second weekend of the playoffs. With no further ado:

Of course I'm taking Green Bay over Seattle, like I said last week: Seattle sucks. 35-34 G.B.

New England @ Jacksonville. Ugh... I do not like the Patsy's. 42 - 10 New England.

Indy vs. San Diego - Indy is the last real chance for the Patsy's to be stopped. Colts over the Chargers 28-17.

Dallas vs. Giants should be the best matchup of the weekend. I actually want to see Eli do well; hell he has done well - this will be his third straight season in the playoffs. Maybe Eli is better than I think. The Giants do have that super D - rush, and T.O. is supposed to be ailing. Anyhow, I will go with what should always be the most hated team in sports: the Dallas Cowboys, 30-16.

Year of the Tiger:

Sousa is guilty of taunting that Tiger - I was born in the Year of the Tiger - and he got a little more than what he deserved. To see some examples of the "Wild" getting revenge against Humans, download "When Animals Attack" and you will see some us get our come-uppance from the animals that we captured and then gawked at like idiots. The saddest part of the whole thing is that the Tiger did not deserve to go out like that, at the hands of a police firing squad, and all because some idiot Raiders fans had to go sling-shotting the captive animal.

Mrs. Sousa (seriously, no relation; please stop asking) says the Dhaliwal brothers told her they didn't sling-shot the tiger.