Am I the only person who thought of Al Davis when I read this?

I've compared Al, in his later career (especially since 2002) to Simon Bolivar in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's The General in his Labyrinth. Twice, actually.

So maybe it's not a surprise that as I was reading Jeffrey Goldberg's interview with Fidel Castro that I thought about Al again.

Mainly it was this passage:

A frail and aged Fidel stood to greet us. He was wearing a red shirt, sweatpants, and black New Balance sneakers. The room was crowded with officials and family: His wife, Dalia, and son Antonio, as well as an Interior Ministry general, a translator, a doctor and several bodyguards, all of whom appeared to have been recruited from the Cuban national wrestling team. Two of these bodyguards held Castro at the elbow.

Lowell Cohn, who wrote over the weekend about Al lashing out at Adam Schefter for connecting the Raiders with Matt Leinert--and who writes better about Al Davis than anyone--wrote this after the infamous overhead projector press conference:

And when the whole shebang was over and the reporters left, Davis sat at the table on the stage and didn’t leave, didn’t leave until every reporter had departed. I know why. I think I do. He has trouble walking, says it’s nothing serious, just a bum quad. Maybe. I believe he wanted everyone out so we would not see him depart — either struggle to his feet or be wheeled out.

The parallels between the two men are fascinating--and yes, obviously one is a dictator and one owns a football team, so let's not insult each other's intelligence and get that out of the way up front. But these men are or were giants in their fields, now aging, struggling to hold onto their power, and, I don't know, make one last splash before they check out. They came to power at roughly the same time; they both were thorns in the sides of their bigger, more powerful neighbors who never gave up, always stayed defiant, and now seem to be caring about their legacies and not quite knowing how to manage it.

Quote of the Day

This guy Hanson can't catch a break except when it comes to his chin. -Lowell Cohn

Welcome Back, Randy, JaMarcus

This was going to be a strictly Randy Hanson post, with the theme song to "Welcome Back, Kotter."



I thought it would be appropriate because it's a cool song from a cool show, and because Al is from Brooklyn.

Anyway, Jerry Mac does a breakdown/speculation of why in the name of anything Randy Hanson could possibly be back working for the Raiders, concluding, rather pithily and quite brutally, "You want a successful business model, check with Fortune 500." To make the implication explicit, The Raiders do not have a successful business model as Al Davis has currently constructed it.

But while I was out picking my daughter up from school, JaMarcus addressed the media, so we give him a nice welcome back, kinda sorta. He promises that when he gets back on the field, we'll see a "Totally different JaMarcus." But he hasn't lost any weight or changed his work ethic. So there. And he's keeping his money.

Kawakami has a transcript. God doesn't make mistakes, and time will tell, and it's not the end of the world.

Finally, since we opened with Brooklyn, we can close with Brooklyn, too. Lowell Cohn talks to Ira Miller, who invents the verb "to Raider." Getting Raidered sounds an awful lot like getting debacled. Ira likes Gradkowski, at least in relation to JaMarcus. This exchange stood out to me, after Miller says that "Getting the No. 1 draft choice off the field certainly helped them:

Cohn: Which No. 1 draft choice?

Miller: Both of them - the quarterback and Heyward-Bey. I don't think Heyward-Bey has any chance. He's one of Al's fantasies -- he runs fast.

That's kind of the impression I get about DHB, too. I got into a discussion via twitter yesterday with the author of Raiders Blog, who is still optimistic that DHB will pan out once he learns to catch the ball, because he's a good kid, works hard, etc. And I agree that sure, he's a good kid, etc, and I feel bad about suggesting he jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. That was a joke in poor taste. But the point is, DHB is not a football player. He's a track star. We may as well have drafted Usain Bolt. And anyone who suggests the Randy Hanson issue is overblown, or is not a big deal, or not a red flag indicator that something is deeply, deeply diseased and rotten within the structure of the Raiders organization is deep, deep denial. They're like the wives who stayed with Tom Cable after he beat them.

Because at the very least, we should be able to enjoy the sweet taste of a rare victory for longer than two days before reminding everyone in the stupidest way possible of the dysfunction that is the team we love.

"Unmitigated disaster"

Lowell Cohn's JaMarcus Russell column. It's worth reading in full, but here's a taste:

Russell’s passer rating was 45.8. That is a remedial number. You score a number like that and you go live in a hole like Saddam Hussein at the end or you live under a rock or you disguise yourself as a wandering minstrel and play the guitar and sing Beatles’ songs at Times Square for spare change.

So there. JaMarcus was Saddam Hussein-in-a-hole bad. I still think that by "look at the tape," Tom Cable means, "Get torn a new asshole by Al Davis and name JaMarcus the starter for the rest of the season and never try this shit again." But anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming, "Looking for the Nadir."

Raiders get weird again, the sequel

Late yesterday and this morning brought some columnists out regarding the latest Raider drama. That's about all the Raiders are good for, it seems--drama--because they certainly aren't a football team in the sense that their an organization that cares about winning games or developing a program. In fact, on Monday Night Countdown's weekly, "C'mon, Man!" segment, Tom Jackson was able to quip, "We should rename this segment 'The Raiders' because they show up every week," and then played the clip of Louis Murphy and Johnnie Lee Higgins running into each other, Keystone Cops-style.

So first up, Cam Inman talks to Lance Kiffin, who gives Tom Cable a nice character reference:

"Any head coach deserves a certain amount of time to get things going and install what he wants to install. Tom has not had enough time," Kiffin said by phone Monday from his office as the University of Tennessee's coach. "I would think he definitely should have another season after this, at least."

Really? Even after more assault allegations surfaced against Cable on Sunday, via ESPN's report pertaining to claims of two ex-wives and an ex-girlfriend?

"If any of that was accurate, that would surprise me," Kiffin added. "In my year-and-a-half with Tom, I never saw anything like that. I thought he was a first-class coach and a great person."

I'm sure Al will take this under advisement.

Next up is Tim Kawakami, who writes,

Now the team is 2-6 and there are the new serious charges. Al is known to be very protective of women. He wants his franchise to be first-class. He must be horrified by the association to violence against women.

I give him major credit for that.

So Al has a problem. He wants “cause” to fire Cable, so he has to wait, but he also is embarrassed that Cable’s behavior continues to shed bad light on a franchise that is not exactly permanently bathed in light, anyway.

Al has a lot of problems. A shitty football team is the biggest problem.

Scott Ostler gets in on the act, calling the Raiders a "Creepshow" that is hitting its all-time low, although every time I think that, they hit a new low. Anyway,

What's really bizarre in Monday's two news releases is the juxtaposition of warnings.

In one statement, the Raiders say they're evaluating the matter, and alert us that they have fired employees in the past for inappropriate conduct. In the other statement, they call into question the validity of ESPN's report.

So the Raiders might wind up firing their coach over charges they suggest might be nothing but phony-baloney smears in ESPN's attacks on the Raiders.

Creepy.

Finally, in this perusal of local columnist reactions, we get Lowell Cohn. His piece really should be read in its entirety, but here's a taste:

Several benefits would accrue from firing Cable ASAP. We wouldn’t have to see his sad face anymore or hear him swear the Raiders will be a great team in a week or so: “I have great faith in where we’re going and what we can do as a football team.”

That storyline is so over with. And we wouldn’t have to ask whom Cable slapped, or if he actually did slap anyone, or if he really punches people, or if he has a problem controlling his rage or if he has rage to begin with.

Anyway, have a nice day. Any minute now, Al may show up with his overhead projector and announce that Randy Hanson is the interim head coach. That would be awesome.

We REALLY deserve this

Lowell Cohn's latest column, pwning Al Davis for the Clown college he's running in Alameda.

Money quote:

No right-thinking person, no sane person, no reasonable observer of the NFL can have faith and belief in this outrage that is the Oakland Raiders. No one. There can be no faith because the man at the top has lost touch with modern football and every glaring flaw, every football abomination results from that. And you know it.

Everyone knows it except for Davis and those close to him who whisper silliness in his ear. You feel they live in an alternate universe, these Raiders people, a universe in which everything bad appears good.

I was thinking about why the Raiders seem to matter still in their decrepitude. People don't mock the Lions or the Rams the way Cris Carter and that other guy who looks like Rahm Emanuel mocked them the other day. And it's because there was real greatness in the past. It's what made people like Dan and me fall in love with them. But that's gone.

When Al finally gives up, I will feel sympathy and nostalgia for his past innovations. Until then, while his team, MY FAVORITE team, is disgrace, I will wish him ill.

Debacle Reactions

Just a smattering of local feedback on yesterday's Jersey Beat Down:

Gutierrez says the Raiders are a "sad joke," and advises Tom Cable to steal Al's Towncar, drive it to Napa, and turn himself in for breaking Randy Hanson's jaw. Why? Because,

a little time in the pokey, solitary confinement if possible, would be so much better for your stress level, your general well-being and overall health than what you have to endure daily watching over this shockingly wretched outfit and its latest embarrassing performance.

Gary Peterson says things have never been so bleak for the Raiders:

So what happens now?

"You stay the course," Cable said.

Shudder.

Gwen Knapp comes a week late to the bash-JaMarcus party, after everyone else has moved onto to including the entire team, with her usual JaMarcus-bad logic, with a headline, "Russell's latest debacle proves he isn't getting it." It opens:

The Raiders backed up their coach Sunday. They lost a game so completely and atrociously that they confirmed Tom Cable's assertions that his team's problems went much deeper than the devastatingly inaccurate arm of quarterback JaMarcus Russell.

Okay, that was kinda funny, actually. Sorry Gwen. Just so nobody's left out, there were some bloggy reactions yesterday, too, from Tim Kawakami and Lowell Cohn.

Kawakami sees "greatness all around." His final bullet point:

It’s my fault. It’s Rich Gannon’s fault. It’s Lowell Cohn’s fault. It’s Monte Poole’s fault. It’s all of our faults, since… well, I’m sure Al and his miions will tell us why.

Heh.

Cohn says "Raiders are right there." It's short, and written in the 4th quarter before the game had actually ended. It's a pretty brilliant piece of black comedy, actually. Noting that at every press conference he gives, Tom Cable says that the Raiders are "almost there," Lowell blogs,

He never actually says where there is or if there is a there there...By the way, there refers to the absolute bottom whether Cable knows it or not.

Not good times for Raiders fan. In fact, these times are JaMarcus Bad.

Why the blog is quiet

Because you can read shit like this elsewhere. Watching that game the other day was awful. I had a pretty rough weekend, dealing with some personal, family stuff. Before driving home, I thought I'd watch the Raiders play the Texans, and while I didn't have any hope of them winning the game, I thought maybe at least it would take my mind off of the other things that were bothering me.

Instead, I felt like Al Swearengen (language NSFW and this is a different scene, but the characters are the same), who was trying to get a blowjob from Dolly when Seth Bullock and Calamity Jane show up outside his window, screaming at him, asking for his badge and gun back. "Even this now gives me no pleasure," says Al, with a sigh.

I'm not comparing watching football to getting a blow job. But the sentiment is the same, in that something that was once pleasurable, a pleasant diversion to get one through his day, is now overwhelmed by external events. Would Dolly have overcome Al's problems with better technique? Perhaps. Would the Raiders playing better football have brightened my day? Almost certainly.

Instead, I just had to go outside and see who the fuck was yelling at me, and why.

Thinking about Monday Night

I gave it a day to kind of settle myself down and organize my thoughts a little bit. I know that's not a very bloggy sentiment; blogs are for emotional reactions. Well, I got those out Monday night, during and just after the game, on my Facebook feed. Feel free to add me as a friend if that's the sort of thing you want to see (or hide/block me if you don't want to see that stuff).

The post-game reactions from most of the local writers and columnists and bloggers was pretty consistent: the Raiders were impressive in their loss, got jobbed by the officials, and look like they might at some point, if they keep up the intensity, and if JaMarcus continues to improve and gets some WR help, they could be a pretty good football team. My favorite two reactions were from Tim Kawakami and Lowell Cohn, mainly because they're the two most skeptical local writers:

Kawakami:

But this one was the best game of the bunch, and better than several of the Raiders’ few victories over the last six years–IF Cable can keep this level of energy and dedication going through to December.

If the Raiders play like this, they should go right through Kansas City next week and if it keeps up they should be within striking distance of .500 or above all year, and maybe even at the end of the year.

And if they get anything more out of JaMarcus Russell (12 of 30 for 208 yards), other than the rainbow TD on fourth-and-15, then the Raiders could actually be… well… decent to pretty good this year.

There, I said it. And I mean it.

Cohn:

I'm getting tired of writing the Raiders are bums. It's nice to write something else for a change.

And:

So you praise the Raiders even if they didn’t finish. You praise the running game - dynamic, powerful, a real stunner especially in the first half. And you praise Darren McFadden and Michael Bush. And you praise the defense. Where in the world did this defense come from?

And mostly you praise Russell. You don’t go wild over Russell. He hit tight end Zach Miller with so many beautiful passes over the middle, nice breakaway moments. And when he did that you remembered what a talent he is. But then you saw him overthrow wide receivers all night long and you remembered he has so much to learn.

And when you were about to give up on him, and after he got clocked by Shawne Merriman on a quarterback keeper in the fourth quarter and had to miss a few plays, he came back and threw that perfect pass to Murphy. And you realized, gosh, this kid can do it. He has it all if people just will be patient.

In so many ways, watching this game provided the textbook example for what it's like to be a Raiders fan. It had everything you love about football: hard hitting, nasty line play on both sides of the ball, fierce hitting in the secondary, smash-mouth running, stellar tight end play, a beautiful long pass on 4th and 15 that was Aristotelian Platonic in its Al Davis-ness. And yet you also had a horrible call on a replay review at the end of the first half that came not even on a challenge from the Chargers but on a booth review because it happened in the final 2 minutes of a half, which brought back the Tuck Rule crashing up from the pit of every Raiders fan's stomach like day-old bile. As soon as that ref announced the play was under review, every Raiders fan held two competing and completely opposite thoughts in their minds: 1. it's a touchdown and there's no way it can be overturned; and 2. of course it's going to be overturned, we're the fucking Raiders for chrissakes. And then you had the inability of the defense to finish the game at the end, reminding us why we haven't won more than 5 games for 6 years in a row.

And the worst part of it, or maybe it's the best part, is that going into the game I was fully expecting another 41-14 or 27-0 blowout. But by the third quarter, I'd bought in, and was thinking, "Shit, we can play with these guys." And when JaMarcus threw that perfect rainbow to Louis Murphy, I was jumping up and down, disturbing my neighbors below, hugging my wife, and I thought, "We are going to win this game!"

So when we didn't, it was like being punched in the stomach. Maybe it's like Coach Cable says, that this loss hurts in a good way.

Anyway, I'm in. The Kool-Aid is drunk. Stay tuned for more obnoxious, f-bomb-laden Facebook updates.

Because it's on.

It Just Keeps Getting Worse

In a column that makes Lowell Cohn's read like a John Herrera transcript, Mike Silver takes a chainsaw to the Raiders. This quote, from an unidentified former player, makes me want to throw up:

“That [Romanowski punch] got the publicity, but I saw so many things like that,” says one former Raiders player who is now with another team. “I saw a player push a coach and get his game check taken away. Other players would cuss out coaches and get away with it. One coach made a smartass comment and a player pushed him almost to the ground. I saw a coach take a swing at a player. Coaches were verbally going after other coaches. And guys were getting drunk in meetings or coming to practice still drunk from the night before. They’d throw up before we went out on the field, or you could smell the liquor on their breath.”

NFP broke the story about Hanson's decision to go to the Police. He's also lawyered up.

Is it Morrissey time already? Last year we made it to October before giving up. It's still August.

About that Hater of the Week...

Dan wrote a really great post the other day giving Lowell Cohn the HOTW award for his one-two punch evisceration of the Raiders in columns on Sunday and Monday.

Nobody takes the piss out of the Raiders like Lowell Cohn. I stand by it. And it's mainly because we know, deep down, that what he's writing is probably true, at least when it comes to writing about Al Davis. That's why it hurts so much.

But then came the news that Chaz Schilens, who had looked so good in camp, broke his foot.

And then came news that the league is investigating the Jawbreaker incident.

And now we get word that the offense this morning, in the joint practice with the 49ers, was an atrocity.

And Mike Florio at PFT gets to unleash his wit on the Raiders:

And regardless of whether Cable punched Hanson with a fist, threw him out of a chair, or went Bob DeNiro-as-Al Capone with a Louisville Slugger, Hanson suffered a fractured facial bone during his fracas with Cable.

And in discussing the beatdown the offense took this morning:

Raiders coach Tom Cable likely was frustrated enough to punch someone.

Or throw someone out of a chair.

Or maybe a little of both.

Har-dee-fucking-har. What's apparent now is that the real Hater of the Week isn't Lowell Cohn, or Mike Florio, or even Nancy Gay.

It's God.

That's right. That's the only thing it could be: God has cursed the Oakland Raiders. Otherwise, why would be suffering the football equivalent of the Egyptian plagues, in injuries, ridicule, and losses? The only thing left if is for God to strike down the first-born sons of every player and coach.

Hater of the Week: Lowell Cohn

Lowell Cohn, you ask? Not Nancy Gay, for whom the award was originally named and the writer who broke the Jawbreaker story?

Once you have a read of Johnny's professor's one-two combo, you'll know why.

His take on the Cable story is brutal. He begins by musing over Cable going to jail over the incident:

"If Cable goes to the pokey, can he coach the Raiders via cell phone from the exercise yard or while cleaning the latrine, or would he actually have to see the game?"

He goes on to take the requisite jabs at the organization:

"They have a highly stable situation over there in the wilds of Napa. The coaching staff clearly is a model of harmony and organization for the players, and the fact the coach hasn’t yet been arrested should give Raiders fans confidence this team can win at least four of 16 games this season."

He continues with a few shots at Cable:

"If the rumor of the sucker punch is true, does that make Cable a punk? Does it make him a potential felon? Does it make him the perfect Raiders coach?

Answer: All of the above."

And:

"After he gets fired, I see Cable driving a Coors truck in Livermore or Cloverdale."

But then he goes on to extrapolate a few Raider fan comments on sports Web sites to represent the general Raider fan reaction. Oozing with derision he refers to the fans as "intellectual," "thoughtful," a "wit." And he closes with harsh words containing only an insincere disclaimer:

"Have you noticed Raiders fans are different from all other fans? I’m not talking about all Raiders fans, just some. These beauts take pride in incidents like this. From their informed point of view, it’s merely business as usual for their beloved team."

One could argue that Lowell is just doing what he loves - taking what the Raiders give him - and that they have once again stumbled into a distracting off-the-field fiasco just when things on the field were starting to look promising. But on Sunday he wrote an impassioned piece essentially asking to be named Hater of the Week. His article explores his feelings about the Bay Area teams:

"I do like the 49ers better than the Raiders and I’m trying to understand why."

Any person's feelings about the Raiders are intrinsically linked to his or her feelings about Al Davis. Lowell does not like him. His article presents a case likely echoed by local writers and HOTWs who have come before him. Al is vengeful. He punishes writers. After an odd betrayal of Bill Walsh's disdain for overweight coaches, Lowell uses Walsh as expert witness to Al's self-made "life of conflict."

But the point that stings the Raider fan is the following:

"Al wastes his time settling silly scores. Al wastes his time on useless stuff and that is part of why the Raiders have stunk."

Congratulations Lowell Cohn. For declaring your distaste for the Raiders while twisting the knife that is stuck in Raider fans, you have earned HOTW status.

More JaMarcus

Not sure how I missed this, but there's a fascinating JaMarcus conversation going between Monte Poole, Tim Kawakami, and defending JaMarcus, Lowell Cohn.

Back story: The three columnists were sitting together at last weekend's Andre Ward/Edison Miranda fight at the Arena. JaMarcus showed up at the fight with a Gucci bag and an unlit cigar, leading Monte to dub him "Big Mellow," and Kawakami to conclude he looked fat and complacent.

Cohn retorts that JaMarcus wasn't in a strip club, and he wasn't acting disorderly, and to give the guy a break.

This whole thing is making me nervous. And it's only May. Last year it was Kiffin/Davis. I'm worried that we're looking at a repeat of the Leinert/Warner situation (which worked out pretty well, actually) or, worse, the Vince Young/Kerry Collins scenario.

If I think about it too long I want to puke. I know Raiders fans. I am one. And one bad quarter of football, that crowd will turn on JaMarcus and start chanting Garcia's name. I was there when we did it to Kerry Collins (TUUUUIIIIII!!!!) and I heard them booing Josh McCown.

Time for ginger tea.

Post Mini-Camp Round-up

It's gotten quiet the last couple of days, but here's some of what's been going on:

Lowell Cohn covered the JaMarcus/Goldmember relationship, and compared says JaMarcus is just like Joe Montana was at the same stage of his career...er...kinda...

David White has five questions for Thomas Howard. Jerry uses this as an opportunity to discuss new D.C. John Marshall, and rehashes the Lance Kiffin/Rob Ryan feud. Money quotes:

If Ryan wasn’t so busy trying to put together a defense in Cleveland, he could probably feel the force of the wheels from the Raiders team bus.

and

Doubtful you’ll hear any response from Ryan, who will no doubt throw his considerable weight into building up some of the Cleveland Browns as unblockable and unstoppable.

Jerry Mac and Phil Barber address Timmy's comments about Al and African-American Players from Notre Dame. Bonus points to Barber for his headline, "Al Davis Doesn't Care About Black People (From Notre Dame)." That cracked me up.

Florio says the Raiders are partying like it's 1999 with five QBs on the roster. Shit, was that really 10 years ago?

More First Day Reactions

After letting the Heyward-Bey and Mitchell picks sink in, here's what some people are saying:

Jerry: His gut says Heyward-Bey is a bad pick, but he also thinks the Mitchell pick might be a good one. This cracked me up:

With the Raiders’ luck, Mitchell will unload the full force of his fury upon Heyward-Bey on the first day in Napa and . . . . never mind.

Ouch.

Gutierrez: What, Usain Bolt wasn't available?

Kawakami: Cable's the big loser in Saturday's bizarre Raiders draft crop. Brutal quote:

And Al proved that Cable has no credibility, just like every other of the last many Raiders coaches, who all failed. Because they had no credibility, you see.

But that’s the only way Al likes it.

Lowell Cohn: Advantage 49ers, even though it's not really a competition. Brutality:

You never can underestimate the Raiders because they’ll always perform lower than you’d imagine in your most vivid nightmare.

and:

Al Davis has been in love with speed since he chased someone down Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn decades ago.

Apparently we're still picking. I don't think I can handle any more of this, so I'll be by the pool somewhere with a strong cocktail.

Lowell Cohn: Raiders' Screw-up is 49ers' Gain

Cohn hates the Raiders' pick, too. There seems to be a consensus.

Garcia Signing Reactions

There seems to be a consensus among the local writers who have chimed in that Goldmember will, at the very minimum, set a good example for JaMarcus in terms of preparation, training, and attitude. There is also the sense that Garcia will push JaMarcus, both in practice, and I haven't read this anywhere yet, but I get the feeling that if JaMarcus struggles, the fans will start chanting for Jeff. A little pressure and competetion never hurt anybody. Or if it did, you didn't want them on your team.

Jerry Mac breaks down the history between Garcia and the Raiders, and then writes,

I floated the idea of signing Michael Vick under certain conditions the other day, something the Raiders probably never considered. They’ve been playing it safe and smart, having been burned by being too bold last year.

Garcia is the safe, smart choice.

You really only need to think about it for split second.

Should Russell be injured, do you want Jeff Garcia, Andrew Walter or Bruce Gradkowski?

Thought so.

By the way, I hated that Michael Vick column. Anyway.

Lowell Cohn says Good for the Raiders.

Kawakami writes,

I like the Garcia signing as a sign that Al Davis isn’t babying Russell, while at the same time still expecting the most out of him. Alex Smith could’ve used something like that a few years ago, and he never got it.

David White is on vacation or something, but the Sporting Green staff is asking readers to answer a stupid question by writing the answer in the comments section.

Nationally, Denver Broncos spokesperson Bill Williamson writes that at the very least it means Garcia won't be a Bronco this year, whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. It's not like his being a Bucaneer helped Tampa last season when we played them. Then he gets Scouts, Inc.'s Matt Williamson to say that he's never liked Garcia, and that, contrary to what Kawakami and McDonald say, it's a bad fit because the playbook will have to be re-written if JaMarcus gets hurt, and they'd have been better off signing Leftwich. Personally, I'm with the locals in that a change of pace is a good thing to have in a back-up.

Cable Press Conference Live Blog

1:16 P.M. Waiting for someone to wheel Al out to the microphone, so Solomon Wilcots, with a new goatee, is talking about what a "hard nosed" coach Cable is. "Solly" has some nice things to say about JaMarcus, and mentions how shitty our WRs are. We're waiting on Herrera, Cable, and Al.

I really, really hope that Herrera says something mean about Kawakami and/or Lowell Cohn. In a post from this morning, Jerry seemed to take a shot at Lowell for his "Howdy Doody" column:

As much as people want to lump Cable in with Joe Bugel as a well-meaning but overmatched line coach beholden to the boss, the comparison falls apart because of eight quarters of football in Weeks 16 and 17.

I happen to agree with Jerry on this one. The Bugel comparison seems a bit of a cheap shot.

1:22: Al is there, black leather jacket, smiling. Two Raiders helmets, but sadly no overhead projector. Cable is in a black suit, white shirt, pinkish tie. We'll take that as a sign of his indepence. Herrera intoduces Al to make a speech. He looks like a goddamn funeral director, which is appropriate.

1:25: Al opens with a shot at Lance. Nobody Hates like Al Davis. Even if he's a feeb now.

1:26: The Raiders are one of Three teams who have played in the Super Bowl since 2002 in the AFC. So that makes the Raiders one of the best three teams, out of 16 in the AFC.

1:27: Shut the Fuck up Donnie! Cable is in full on Walter Sobchak mode. "Listen Raider Nation, it's time to make you proud." I hear you, buddy.

1:29: "It's all about the team, blah blah." Cable's talking championships. He says that HE picked the staff, himself. Interesting.

1:30 Question and Answer time. Phil Barber gets first crack. Why did it take so long? Al breaks out the force chokes and Barber is now dead. Just kidding. Tom competed with....Al doesn't say. But it was one other guy. But Cable said he could deliver a staff, and Cable did. The other guy did could not deliver the staff. Also, Cable's dad passed away, so Al gave him a hiatus. And finally, Al didn't want to distract from the Super Bowl.

That's white of him.

Al is in full on lecture mode. Higgins and Schillens had five touchdowns in 4 games, Al's off the hook. Al says Cable hired every assistant coach. His hands are looking palsied.

1:34: Scott Ostler is confused. I kind of am, too. Al Davis is shocked that Ostler asked the question, which is, "How do you hire assistant coaches if you're not already the coach?" Al basically says Ostler's an idiot. "They were in competition for a long while."

1:38: Purdy: What makes you so confident this time compared to the last couple hires? Al thought Norv would be good, but he let Tim Brown go and Jerry Rice got into a fight with Rich Gannon. At least this time he gets "Bobby" and "Lane" right. I kinda miss "Lance" and "Bernard."

1:40: Are there only three reporters here?

1:41: Cable talks about checking out coaches at the Senior Bowl. They won't say who the other guy is. NFLN gets bored, so I switch it over to CSN. Al is no longer in HD, which is nice.

1:43: "This is my dream. This was my team growing up." Shit yes.

1:44: Vern Glen is alive.

1:45: Tom Cable is passionate. Al is right about that. "If you have that 'it,' if you will." He's talking about the passion and love for each other.

1:47: "The other fella." Al is not tricked by David White's question on the timeline. It's up to Tom whether or not Tom wants to call plays.

1:49: "I'm gonna call the plays." Atta boy.

1:51: The Oakland Raiders are Back. Tom is not afraid to say it. "There are three great teams in Sports: The New York Yankees, The Boston Celtics, and the Oakland Raiders."

1:53: Lowell Cohn! Al: "Brooklyn, New York." Lowell: "Brooklyn." Al: "Midwood High School." Love it when Al talks Brooklyn. Lowell reminds Tom and Al: We're reporters, not fans. I understand you're fired up, but do you think this team is any good?

Of course, Tom thinks they're that good.

1:56: Al is not saying who the local guy is to help with the football operations. Al goes back to his formula of Higgins and Schillens getting two touchdowns every two games.

1:58: Jason Jones has kind of a lisp.

2:02: Cable: I need Al's leadership, I need his wisdom, I need his musk. When this is over, me and him are gonna get an apartment together.

2:05: Al just blamed DeAngelo for the Denver loss. Can't really fault his logic; as Al says, when they tried to pick on his replacement, the Raiders won.

2:07: Corkran brings up Nmamdi and Lechler.

2:08: Ostler asks Al about the Stadium. Al says that there's no problem between the Raiders and the 49ers. Says all the problem between them were Carmen Policy's fault, for being a hater. Says he'd look at a joint stadium with the 49ers. Of course he would. He says Amy Trask is on it. But he needs to know the economics.

2:13: Al is breaking Ostler's balls again.

2:14: Jerry Mac! He wants to know about JaMarcus, is he staying in shape? Tom says yes, he's here now, working out, embracing his responsibilities. Al jumps in with an ominous comment about Jammy's "physical" problems.

2:15: Al thought the process of JaMarcus' development was "too slow."

And we're done.

I'm not sure what it is we just saw.

Howdy Doody

3-13? Lowell Cohn is brutal.

The Drama Never Stops

First, Chris Mortensen says the Raiders are negotiating to sell off part of the team to some Greek dude who wants to move them to LA. Then Al sent Herrera out to call the report a fabrication, because, you know, Mort is a "serial liar."

Now, Jerry Mac has gotten in touch with Amy Trask, who says that they're not negotiating with anyone, that the Raiders aren't for sale, they're aware of the offer, etc, but no thanks. The money quote from Jerry's post:

Mortensen had a jaw-dropping response when contacted by Associated Press when asked about going with the story with no comment from the Raiders.

“The Raiders have lost the privilege with me of running stories past them for comment,” Mortensen, citing examples of past stories which “have proven to be true,” including his recent report of an interview with the Giants Kevin Gilbride.

(The Raiders claim it was Gilbride who contacted the Raiders, and not the other way around).

Wow.

Lost the privilege?

Guessing Mort won’t be covering the White House any time soon.

I sent an e-mail to the ESPN ombudsman just to see if this “privilege” policy actually exists.

It'll be interesting to see what the ombudsman says. You can email her here. And all this after the Raiders removed Lowell Cohn, Tim Kawakami, and Monte Poole from their reporter email list because they "write the truth." Lowell says anyone not on the Raiders enemy list, i.e., still on their email list should be ashamed. I wonder if that includes Jerry Mac, Steve Corkran, and Jason Jones, or if he just means the opinion columnists.