Why we suck, Part 314

So Jon Gruden has a party at Rickey's Raiderland, and Al gets "infuriated" because some current Raiders employees showed up to say "hello" to their former co-worker (boss?).

As Jerry says, "Good to know that as the Raiders move forward to recapture their greatness, they’re focused on the right things."

"Unmitigated disaster"

Lowell Cohn's JaMarcus Russell column. It's worth reading in full, but here's a taste:

Russell’s passer rating was 45.8. That is a remedial number. You score a number like that and you go live in a hole like Saddam Hussein at the end or you live under a rock or you disguise yourself as a wandering minstrel and play the guitar and sing Beatles’ songs at Times Square for spare change.

So there. JaMarcus was Saddam Hussein-in-a-hole bad. I still think that by "look at the tape," Tom Cable means, "Get torn a new asshole by Al Davis and name JaMarcus the starter for the rest of the season and never try this shit again." But anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming, "Looking for the Nadir."

Another day, another debacle

So the Raiders lost to the Chiefs, 16-10, and nobody noticed because it wasn't televised.

But JaMarcus got benched, and Gradkowski came in and sucked pretty bad. What's interesting is that there are two views on the benching, almost diametrically opposed.

First, Lowell Cohn says JaMarcus is done. He sucks, and should be jettisoned as soon as possible, that the Raiders need to find a way to cut their losses. He blames JaMarcus for not taking any responsibility.

Bill Williamson kills the Raiders for yanking JaMarcus with the game on the line. He says Russell seemed to be making strides, and was victimized by DHB's hands and Robert Gallery's tripping penalty (I happened to see this play on the RedZone Channel).

Anyway, this has to be the nadir. Losing to the shit-ass Kansas City Chiefs, in Oakland. In front of maybe, what 30,000 people?

But then, we thought Art Shell/Tom Walsh was the nadir.

Raiders get weird again, the sequel

Late yesterday and this morning brought some columnists out regarding the latest Raider drama. That's about all the Raiders are good for, it seems--drama--because they certainly aren't a football team in the sense that their an organization that cares about winning games or developing a program. In fact, on Monday Night Countdown's weekly, "C'mon, Man!" segment, Tom Jackson was able to quip, "We should rename this segment 'The Raiders' because they show up every week," and then played the clip of Louis Murphy and Johnnie Lee Higgins running into each other, Keystone Cops-style.

So first up, Cam Inman talks to Lance Kiffin, who gives Tom Cable a nice character reference:

"Any head coach deserves a certain amount of time to get things going and install what he wants to install. Tom has not had enough time," Kiffin said by phone Monday from his office as the University of Tennessee's coach. "I would think he definitely should have another season after this, at least."

Really? Even after more assault allegations surfaced against Cable on Sunday, via ESPN's report pertaining to claims of two ex-wives and an ex-girlfriend?

"If any of that was accurate, that would surprise me," Kiffin added. "In my year-and-a-half with Tom, I never saw anything like that. I thought he was a first-class coach and a great person."

I'm sure Al will take this under advisement.

Next up is Tim Kawakami, who writes,

Now the team is 2-6 and there are the new serious charges. Al is known to be very protective of women. He wants his franchise to be first-class. He must be horrified by the association to violence against women.

I give him major credit for that.

So Al has a problem. He wants “cause” to fire Cable, so he has to wait, but he also is embarrassed that Cable’s behavior continues to shed bad light on a franchise that is not exactly permanently bathed in light, anyway.

Al has a lot of problems. A shitty football team is the biggest problem.

Scott Ostler gets in on the act, calling the Raiders a "Creepshow" that is hitting its all-time low, although every time I think that, they hit a new low. Anyway,

What's really bizarre in Monday's two news releases is the juxtaposition of warnings.

In one statement, the Raiders say they're evaluating the matter, and alert us that they have fired employees in the past for inappropriate conduct. In the other statement, they call into question the validity of ESPN's report.

So the Raiders might wind up firing their coach over charges they suggest might be nothing but phony-baloney smears in ESPN's attacks on the Raiders.

Creepy.

Finally, in this perusal of local columnist reactions, we get Lowell Cohn. His piece really should be read in its entirety, but here's a taste:

Several benefits would accrue from firing Cable ASAP. We wouldn’t have to see his sad face anymore or hear him swear the Raiders will be a great team in a week or so: “I have great faith in where we’re going and what we can do as a football team.”

That storyline is so over with. And we wouldn’t have to ask whom Cable slapped, or if he actually did slap anyone, or if he really punches people, or if he has a problem controlling his rage or if he has rage to begin with.

Anyway, have a nice day. Any minute now, Al may show up with his overhead projector and announce that Randy Hanson is the interim head coach. That would be awesome.

Depth Finder

Wow. That was all Tom Flores could say about JaMarcus today. And that's an appropriate reaction to this game recap by Jerry McDonald.

It's worth a read. Among the "high" lights:

• Most rushing yards by an opponent (316) since 2001. That predates Rob Ryan.
• First sub-40,000 announced attendance (39,354) since the return to Oakland and lowest paid attendance since 1968. Yeah. The SIXTIES.
• DHB is now behind Crabtree, 5-4. His reaction to finally having more catches than names? "It’s good to catch the ball. I had two catches today. That was a positive thing during the game."

And of course Jerry reminds us that the Jets' O-line coach is Bill Callahan, who knows better than anyone how dumb this team can be and absolutely dominated the line of scrimmage when the Jets had the ball.

Hopeless.

Loss of Faith

You know why the Raiders are so horrible? Read this article by Michael Silver, which came out this morning, with an exclusive interview with Randy Hanson.

Who gives a shit if it's true that Tom Cable sucker punched Hanson, breaking his jaw? Nobody. And I don't really give a shit about the he said, she said aspect of it. Although it is fascinating to read in a train-wreck kind of way. But look at this paragraph:

Davis had been out of town at the time of the incident – he was on the East Coast giving a deposition to a lawyer for Kiffin, who is challenging the owner’s decision not to pay him the balance of his contract. He did not meet with Hanson until Aug. 16, 11 days after the incident.

Al Davis was not with his team because he was on the East Coast giving a deposition against the last asshole he hired and fired.

Nothing sums up the state of this football team than the fact that Al Davis cares more about settling scores with his former head coach--A guy who Davis should never have hired in the first place--than he does about making the Oakland Raiders a competitive football team.

It doesn't even make me sick anymore. Dan came up with a great line during the game. He was thinking of becoming a "non-practicing Raiders fan."

From now on, that's what I am. And I think I for speak for Dan as well, although he's certainly capable of speaking for himself, when I say that from this moment forward, this is a dissident blog. The changes in the images were made to reflect the true faces of this franchise: the senile, decrepit old man who cares about nothing but his own deteriorating legacy, ironically destroying said legacy with every idiotic thing that comes out of his mouth and every unqualified coach he hires and then fires and then sues; and the quarterback he drafted, gave $32 Million guaranteed 8 weeks too late, and who sucks so epically that everything that really, really sucks is now knows as "JaMarcus Bad."

Al Davis is JaMarcus Bad. And he deserves everything he gets.

Dimensionless

While realistic, Kawakami's triangle is irrelevant. JaMarcus is awful, but he has nothing to do with the fact that this defense cannot stop the run unless specifically stacked for it. Any draw, any sweep, any screen goes for huge yards. I mean 20 yards-per-carry sort of stuff. That defense, as we all know, is dictated by Al Davis. The singular point that matters in this debacle of debacles.

We hoped that the Art Shell Experiment proved something to Al: that innovation matters. Nope. And now the CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY feels like a wet blanket of futility from which we will never, ever escape. And that single point is the proverbial black hole with an infinite capacity to suck.

Pregame Highlights

Yeah, I'm watching. So far. Having just flipped from Fox to CBS in order to avoid two of the dumbest analysts in football - Shannon Sharpe and Dan Marino - I'm met with this gem:

"Home Depot Tools to Victory: Oakland Raiders - A touchdown would be nice."

At least I was able to stay with Fox long enough to catch good old Howie Long going off on his monologue about the "Brady Stare." He pointed out the terrible inconsistency in official's calls last week when they flagged Baltimore for 15 yards after Brady stared down the official based on Terrell Suggs avoiding hitting Brady in the legs. Then they swallowed their whistles when Flacco was drilled two steps after throwing the ball, leading to a concussion for the offensive lineman who was behind Flacco.

It's bad enough to have to suffer through Raider hopelessness, we also have to deal with games that are, in effect, rigged. At least the Patriots are playing Denver today. Somebody has to lose, right?

Hopelessness

Sorry, Dan.

I feel it, too. And not even a little bit of hope for a Denver-style miracle.

This team is horrible. Kawakami's post about the Russell-Davis-Cable triangle sounds about right on the money to me. This sounds like a horrible mix, one that's even worse than the Art Shell year, somehow.

All we need is for DHB to come out and say how "fishy" things are. I'm not sure I'd even throw up in my mouth.

Maybe something's wrong with me that this stuff doesn't even piss me off now? Anyway, the over/under for tomorrow's game is 35.

35%, that is, of JaMarcus's passes completed.

Misery

It's become a tough season. At the moment it feels as difficult as the Art Shell year, and perhaps worse because I never thought that could happen again. After traveling to Houston for last week's debacle, I decided that I should start putting my time to better use than watching this utter garbage week after week and year after year. Walk the dog. Go to the beach. Read a book. Sleep. Anything.

Due to the early game and the fact that I'm having a buddy over to hang out during the day, I'll probably watch at least the first half. Is it worth hoping that a miracle similar to last year's at-Broncos game will occur? That I'll likely tune in at 10 am with that hope somewhere deep in my mind is proof of my illness.