Monday, June 30, 2008

Somewhere, Sllaacs is Crying

Boom Dizzle opts out. Great job, Warriors. Gwen Knapp pours salt in the Warriors fans' wounds, musing that he wants to play in LA so he can be near the company he runs with Jessica Alba's baby-daddy. She thinks the Clippers are the team, but wouldn't it be funny if he ended up on the Lakers?

Various Items: Sapp's Retirement, Javon's Judge is a Chargers Fan, and the Awesome Present I Got for my Birthday.


SF Chronicle, really?

The only local sports page to run this article, and they give this headline: "Sapp's Raider experience: 'Dark as a black hole.'"

It goes on to print, in its entirety, an interview Warren gave to Rick Stroud of the St. Petersburg Times on the occasion of his retirement party in Florida. Here's the money quote:

Q. How would you describe your experience with the Raiders?

A: As dark as a black hole. Stuff went on in that organization that shouldn't go on in sports. I don't think there's one person who knows who or what is making the call. Let's just say the Oakland experience is unique. The phone rings quite a bit on that sideline. Insubordination is grounds for termination in any company.

Now, this is not exactly new news to those of us who follow the Raiders with any degree of regularity, except that we're usually told that Al Davis is the who and the what that is making the calls in the organization. At least that's what we're told by the Chronicle's writers, especially when the Raiders fuck something up, that's it's Al Davis who is doing the copulating.

But Sapp's answer here is more cryptic than it is damning. What I would like to know is just exactly what "stuff" went on that shouldn't be going on in sports. Would someone care to do a follow-up? It's not like Warren Sapp is a shy guy, afraid to speak his mind. (In fact, I was a little disappointed when I read that he said he won't be going into television; I always thought he could be to the NFL what Charles Barkley is to the NBA.) And just what does he mean "Insubordination is grounds for termination in any company?" Is this a shot at Kiffin? Is he explaining why Norv and Art were fired? Again, a follow-up would be nice.

Jason Jones let's us know that Pete Brisco is a hater (and as a hater, deserves to have the "P" of his last name changed to a "B" so that it's alliterative with "BIOTCH"), and has some interesting news on the Javon Walker case:
In more Raider-hater news, the judge in the Walker case admitted to being a Chargers fan. It the trial is somehow pushed back to where Walker has to appear in court Thursday, Dec. 4 (When the Raiders play at San Diego) you know why.
That's why we love Jason Jones here at CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY. Keep up the good work.

Finally, Friday was my birthday. Saturday I had a little pool party at my mom's condo complex's pool. Best give, maybe ever: a JaMarcus Russell authentic Jersey. My brother and the Professor teamed up on this one.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Shaq Rap, and Stuff Like That

Shaq's freestyle was funny as hell and very entertaining, in my opinion - though yeah, he didn't show much class and was probably deserving of the consequences. Is he the most skilled rapper I have ever heard? No. But neither is Lil' Wayne... Besides, Shaq is correct when he says that "Kobe can't do without" him... Shaq did win a ring in Miami, lest we all forget... Am I the only one who is sick and tired of the hyperbole that is flung around the airwaves like dung in a monkey cage regarding the NBA draft? Dare I say it? Sports coverage is out of control - there is just too much information coming from too many talking heads - draft the damn players already... So Javon, tell me how Arfats ass tastes, (Allegedly).


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Jeff Gordon is Cool

My friend Ken isn't the only one of my friends who have been having celebrity encounters lately. This is Alison. She's a huge Jeff Gordon fan, and got to meet him the other day at Infineon Raceway. Unlike Ken, who couldn't get a picture of himself in the emergency with Javon Walker, she was able to get this shot of her Jeff:

She says, "Jeff was SOO sweet & nice to all his fans, whereas Jr., Harvick, and Tony Stewart were assholes!!!"

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Six Degrees of Javon Walker

I just got off the phone with my buddy Ken. He was in Las Vegas when he had to go to the emergency room to deal with a flare-up of kidney stones.

In the next bay over, wheeled in right after him:

Javon Walker.

Ken justifiably says he had other, more important things on his mind at the time, so he was unable to listen very carefully to what was going on.

But still, he called me up and said, "I was in the same emergency room in Vegas as your boy."

"What boy?"

"Walker. After he got robbed."

"Really, did you hear what he told the cops?"

"Dude, I had some more important things on my mind at the time."

"Fair enough."

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Sllaacs getting his Larry King On

I wonder what Paul Pierce is thinking as Kobe steals the ball... Poor Javon, drunk and gay - spraying champagne, and then later found on a street - knocked the fuck out and gaffled... What happens in Vegas... So the A's put the sweepers on the Giants - rejoice, cuz the Giants will be back, visiting the Coliseum at the end of this month to help the A's track down the Halos... By the way, has Pudge Rodriguez been a dominant catcher for the past 100 years, or does it just seem that way? Ivan will still gun a fool down trying to steal, and can pick a sucka off of any base, at any moment, and during any count... By the way, where was Javon Walker's entourage? You mean to tell me he was out partying alone? No Crew? No Posse? No teammates? A new day in the Age of the Posse... Billy Beane is so much of the man, that I wonder if we need a new definition for the term... So far the Danny Haren deal is looking like a wonderful, amazing move, and really Beane hasn't gotten smashed on any trade except for the Tim Hudson Deal... The Mark Mulder deal was genius due to Mulder's terrible health since the trade to St.Louis... A long time ago Nick Swisher was a "Young Oakland A"... Wasn't that like, a year ago Tuesday? I always thought Doc Rivers was an ass; as a player, an analyst, and as a coach. To support my innermost instincts, I enter this quote from Rivers (copied from a Scott Osler article) "Kobe's the most dangerous defender in the league." My ass... Totally meaningless statement... "Most Dangerous Defender"... Just what the hell does that mean? Is Kobe out there strapped with a Nine-Milli and at any moment might just bust a cap? Just how dangerous can a defender be? I have witnessed players who I guess could be called "dangerous defenders" in the NBA before - Bill Laimbeer and Dennis Rodman come to mind immediately(the preceding links lead to awesome video clips of the two)... So I ask, who in this Hell has Kobe Bryant forearm shivered, or out-and-out attacked for having the audacity to take a shot at the basket? The next one will be the first... As a Warriors fan, I am not pleased with Baron Davis and his L.A. connections... The W's do have a future without Boom Dizzle, but not at the Point Guard position, not yet... Baron is the type of player that, on another team, I can easily see myself hating, but if he went to L.A., I shudder to think of the outright loathing I will feel for B.D., it would be unhealthy... Tiger Woods, Willis Reed and Kirk Gibson; wobbly kneed gamers... Justin Duchscherer... Just putting his name down for the uninitiated is all, A's fans know our boy well... The Lakers blew 2 more huge leads in game 5, but the home crowd kept them juiced, they won't have the "13th man" anymore... And just because the Lakers and Celtics are in the Finals again after a thousand years doesn't make this a "Golden Year" for the NBA, it's just another season... Or not, if the Lakers come back and win.


Monday, June 16, 2008

Pass the Rolaids

Wait, I never quite put them down.

Just back from two weeks of vacation, I emailed John this morning to tell him I had been keeping an eye on all things Raiders and was getting excited for the season, right on schedule. At approximately the same time, Javon Walker was found unconscious on the street in Las Vegas. After spraying a few gallons of Dom at Tryst, somebody decided to pretty much cave in his face. Not good.

Tonight I'll just say I hope he's ok. Fair condition does sound better than several alternatives.

Friday, June 6, 2008

McFadden Signs!

About six weeks ago I called out King Kaufman from for implying that JaMarcus Russell is going to be a bust because he missed all of training camp last year. Kaufman, clearly slumming, posted a comment on that post defending himself against the charges that he's from the Nancy Gay school of "The Raiders are Assholes" sports journalism.

And to be fair, he made a good point, because nobody was more irritated than I was when JaMarcus didn't sign until the 2nd week of the season.

The Raiders seem to have figured this stuff out, though. McFadden signed late last night for $26 Million guaranteed.

I have the same conversation with Dan every summer. It goes something like:

"Dude, I'm trying not to get too excited, but looking at the roster I feel like
some good things are going to happen this year. We got Warren Sapp!"

"I mean, I hate Randy Moss, but when I close my eyes, all I see is Touchdowns. You telling me Norv can't draw up some routes? Kerry Collins does have that gun."

"I'm talking myself into Art Shell. You know, he got a raw deal, and Al always said the only mistake he ever made was firing Art."

"Yeah, and Aaron Brooks is athletic. He got a bad rap in New Orleans, plus with the hurricane.."

But maybe, just maybe, this year is different.

Back-to-Back SEC Offensive Players of the Year in back-to-back drafts. A good, young coach. There are so many reasons to be excited.

We'll just have to wait for Nancy to tell us why we shouldn't be.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Cheap Shot of the Week: J.A. Adande

Writing for, J.A. Adande drops this little simile into his account of Kobe's maturation into the leader of the Lakers:

Winning always helps. L.A. is a town that adopted the Raiders, which is like picking up a hitchhiker a mile from a prison. But they were only a year removed from winning the Super Bowl when they got to L.A., and they won a Super Bowl their second year there. So there are still people who miss them more than a decade after they returned to Oakland.

(Emphasis added.)

The Raiders-as-thugs sentiment is nothing new, and indeed at times we Raiders even seem to want to cultivate it (as in the tag line to this blog: Like Rhythm, but Thugged Out). The larger point however, that people in Los Angeles still miss the Raiders, is undeniable; go to any game at the Coliseum and you'll meet people who have driven, flown, or bussed up from Southern California.

In other news, it's been a long time since this blog has been updated. That's okay, since anyone who wants Raiders news can go to Jerry Mac or Jason Jones and get it hot. But my mother-in-law gave me three books: Black Knight: The Story of Al Davis and His Raiders by Ira Simmons, Cruisin' with the Tooz by John Matuszak and Snake, by Kenny Stabler. I've started the Al book; I'll be reviewing it as I go along here while waiting for training to camp. From what I can see so far, it's definitely hagiography, and what Simmons lacks in the prose department he more than makes up for with his enthusiasm for his subject. Snake has the best cover: an overturned Raiders helmet filled with crushed cans of Olympia and PBR.