Sunday, September 30, 2007

35-17: This is Total Disrespect Right Here

That's what Gus Johnson said right before Daunte scored his third rushing TD of the game on a bootleg to the right side.

Daunte was fired up and you can't blame him: 3 rushing TDs, 2 Passing TDs, 35 points. Touchdowns, not field goals. If Kiffin tries to say anything about McCown not losing his job because of injury, my head is going explode. Seriously, Daunte BALLED today. So did Huggie Bear, Jr.

It looked like Cam Cameron might have tried to snub Kiffin after the game, maybe because he didn't appreciate the Raiders running up the score.

Whatever. This Raiders team needed a blow-out victory. The confidence is building. I'm extremely excited. Denver is going to get smoked tonight, and the Raiders are going to be in a 3-way tie for first place going into the bye, with a chance to take control of the division when they return (with Rhodes coming off his weed suspension). When was the last time we could say that?

Daunte + Jerry = 28 Points

I cut Jerry Porter from my fantasy football team before this week.

Yes, I'm taking credit for his two TD catches today. If I had played him today, it would have been a jinx. Now it's the opposite of a jinx.

You're welcome, fellow Raiders fans. You're welcome.

3d quarter: 21-17

Daunte Scores on a scramble, diving for the pylon. He gets up, points to his right knee, gives the Okay sign, and then gets his roll on. All this after a big run by Huggie Bear, Jr., after which 15 yards were tacked on because of that Horse-collar-tackling, pretty-boy-son-of-a-bitch Jason Taylor.

Then Johnnie Lee Higgins fumbles on a punt return. The Dolphins score.

This is an exciting game, but the Raiders should be dominating.

Halftime: 14-7

Dear Coach Kiffin,

You have three timeouts. Please use them. That two-minute drill was terrible.

I'm really enjoying listening to Gus Johnson getting Jerry Porter and Joey Porter mixed up.

Also, Lamont Jordan left on a cart. He was running really well before that, though.

Ronnie Brown is killing us. It would be nice if somebody could tackle him.

I might be a Jinx

Just after hitting "PUBLISH POST" on that last blog entry, Miami got a big gain on 4th and 4 to the Raiders 10, and then Ronnie Brown YouTubed B.J. Ward.

Bo vs. Boz style.

14-7 Raiders.

1st Quarter: Get Your Roll On, Big Fella!

14-0. Thomas Howard INT to the 21. Mike Williams was robbed of some redemption by a phantom OPI call in the end zone. That gave Joey Porter an opportunity to get in Williams face and yell the F-word. Doesn't matter, because Daunte hit Jerry Porter for 6.

Not to rub in, but I can't help but think McCown would have left us kicking a field goal.

Next drive, Daunte sneaks in on 4th and inches for a TD. He breaks out that thing he does that looks like a basketball ref calling traveling.

Gus Johnson got to yell "SMASH MOUTH FOOTBALL!" on a big Lamont Jordan run.

I'm having fun to day.

I Heart Gus Johnson

And really, who doesn't love Gus Johnson.

Even the rain in Miami has him fired up. Then CBS comes back from commercial and the teams are leaving the field because of lightning. Gus says it's like we've shown up in the middle of a tropical storm.

I can't wait for this game to finally start.

Mort Takes a Cheap Shot

I like Chris Mortensen. I really do. He's knowledgeable and he seems like a really nice guy. So why is he taking cheap shots at JaMarcus?

Just like 5 minutes on NFL Countdown, he was going over the QB carousel: Rex Grossman/Brian Griese blah blah blah. Then he said how JaMarcus is "wowing" his teammates and Daunte may not be able to hold him off, and that depending on a number of things (including W-L record) he could be starting by Thanksgiving.

Except he said, "the two hundred, seventy-five pound Russell could be started by Thanksgiving, assuming they can keep him away from that Thanksgiving table."


The only other person I've seen question JaMarcus weight is Ann Killion in the Merc, where, in a snarky, parenthetical aside, she wrote he "ought to avoid doughnut shops, judging from his spare tire," and later that the red shorts he wore at his press conference were "big enough to hide a Prius."

Are Mort and Killion just haters, or is everyone else in denial? JaMarcus doesn't look bad to me. He looks big, but in a good way. A way I've never seen anyone at that position look except for maybe Daunte. But JaMarcus looks bigger, faster, stronger to me.

I would love to see JaMarcus play, but the AFC West is so weak right now, we really have a shot, even going 8-8.

So stop with the fatty jokes, please. They're not nice and irrelevant.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Joey Porter Guarantees a Dolphin Victory

All I can say is, "It's on."

Joey Porter is a jackass. It's not enough to be punching people at blackjack tables. Now he's guaranteeing a victory over the Raiders this Sunday.

"Write it how you want to write it," Porter said. "We will win on Sunday."

Here's how I want to write it:

Joey Porter can stick his guarantee up his ass.

You guys have 74-year old Trent Green as your quarterback. A guy who got dumped for Damon Huard. Don't tell me Daunte's not going to be fired up to face the team that dissed him. Just because he's quoting Gandhi doesn't mean he's going to show up in a diaper. Sure, he could have gone on a hunger strike to protest the Dolphins' mistreatment, but he didn't. He came to Oakland, and now he's going to kick some ass.

Here's my guarantee: the Raiders win, go 2-2, and after Denver gets its ass kicked by Indy, we're tied for first place in the AFC West going into the bye week.

Sunday, September 23, 2007


I was all set to type something about the Prevent Defense preventing victory when Kiffin pulled a Shanahan, calling time out right before the Browns kicked a field goal, and we blocked the real one.

Fuck Yeah.

Confidence. Competence.

The Raiders just scored on a LaMont Jordan one yard plunge.

With the help of a couple of penalties, the Raiders just sustained a drive, and scored when they had 1st and goal to go. A touchdown.

Daunte looks calm, in control. The success doesn't seem accidental. And yes, looks, as the RZC showed pretty much whole drive once they crossed midfield. It's like when Marcellus Wallace sent the Wolf to handle the situation. Chill Them Motherfuckers out, I'm sending the Wolf, who will be coming, directly.

Or Daunte Culpepper.

Sheeeiit, negro. That's all you needed to say.

23-17, us.

Mike Williams Sucks

Mike Williams is killing us. He should join Taylor on the waiver wire.

And now Braylon Edwards gets 6. This is Williams' fault.

At least when he was dropping passes, we could punt or kick a field goal.

DAUNTE! (part 2)

We'll see how long this lasts, but Papa announces that Culpepper is starting the 2nd half.

He made a kind of snarky comment, noting that McCown has done some good things with the offense today, and now we'll see if Pep has a grasp of the "complexity of this offense."

Mike Williams is going to be inactive next week again if he keeps dropping passes. Papa sounds disgusted.


SeaBass, Player of the Week

He almost missed a close one...

The RedZone Channel host, he hasn't said his name, asks after the Morrison INT if it was possible to go from being the AFC Offensive Player of the Week to being benched for Brady Quinn in one week.

The answer is not if Lane Kiffin was the coach...

Seriously, at this point, McCown can barely walk. The bomb to Curry was perfect, but at some point you have to be concerned about a player's health, don't you? Morrison returned the ball to the 6. You gotta score a TD there, especially if you're going to let the Browns score a Touchdown on the ensuing kickoff and then fumble the ball on your own thirty as soon as you get it back.

One time, I went to a game and was waiting in line at the Will Call for my tickets, when we saw Jesus standing in line with a biker-chick angel on his arm. Everyone was saying, "You're Jesus, why do you need tickets?"

I hope Jesus is there today and can heal McCown's foot at halftime, or else command Kiffin in his own name to put in Culpepper.


How hurt does McCown have to be before you get him out of there?

Kiffin is reminding me of George Bush not firing Rumsfeld after three years of blatant incompetence, or saying "Heckuva job, Brownie."

Or maybe not. McCown just threw a TD pass to Curry. We're dominating...


Except that McCown's not that hurt, and he's back in after the Howard interception. He must have taken a Salt Tablet.

He fought the through the boos long enough to get a PI called on JP in the endzone, and to get Mike Williams JACKED UP! in the endzone.

SeaBass hits another field goal.


Okay, I feel bad for McCown. I really do. He's a tough kid, he tries really hard, and I don't like to see anybody get hurt. Except for maybe Randy Moss. And I don't really want to see him get hurt so much as maybe get E-coli from a bad batch of wheat grass in one of his smoothies.

So I'm sorry McCown got hurt. But I'm really excited to see what Daunte's going to do.

By the way, if you have Sunday Ticket, the RedZone Channel shows the Raiders game, blackout or no, when either they or the Browns are in the red zone, or if it's the only game that's not currently in a time out.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Sunday's game was so brutal, it's taken me this long to write about it. My daughter was born just before the season started in 2005. Since she's been alive, the Raiders haven't won a game in their division.

So Sunday afternoon, I went and got her. She's two now, and every time she sees football on TV she says "Yay, RAIDERS!" She has a little Warren Sapp jersey and a smart-looking Raiders sweat suit. So I grab and I tell her, "The Raiders have a chance to beat Denver, something they haven't done since you been alive."

She said "Yaay, RAIDERS!" and Seabass nailed the 52-yarder.

And then came the time-out Shanahanigans, and the subsequent miss, and all of a sudden I felt like one of the douche bag Red Sox fans in the Ken Burns Baseball documentary who woke their kids up in the middle of a school night to witness history, only to see Buckner let the ball dribble between his legs.

Obviously, this loss wasn't that much of a stomach-punch. And I knew, like probably every Raiders fan knew, that the 2nd kick was going to bounce off that upright. There's no way that kick was going in.

But c'mon, Kiff. Please get McCown outta there. He's killing us. It's not like 1998 when Gruden had no choice but to leave Donald Hollas out there to get murdered. You've got a choice. Could Daunte really be that bad?

You've given us some hope. Don't kill it.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Ronald Curry Clowns Donkeys

This was also the game where Jerry Porter made Champ Bailey his bitch. If anyone can find clips of that, I'd love to see them...

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Welcome Home, JaMarcus

Even though Dan's Unk Scheline is not impressed and thinks this is the biggest mistake in Raiders History, I'm excited.

And it almost made me forget about the video that Bill Simmons had on his stupid homepage.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Romo Providing Al with "Brain Fuel" Supplements

From Mark Kriegel at FOXSports:

And the shame of it is, at 78, Al Davis doesn't have too many left. In what seems an act of desperation, he reportedly has Bill Romanowski giving him "brain fuel" supplements. Still, despite his protestations, Davis no longer gets around as he once did. And though he remains as famously contemptuous of death as he once was of Pete Rozelle — "Raiders don't die," he likes to say — even his most ardent admirers understand his plight in terms of mortality.
It goes on to quote some crap Parcells said.

Still, this is SHOCKING. Not that Romo's peddling supplements (remember that show on ESPN a few years back that showed his four year-old son with his junior-sized box of vitamins?) but that Al would take anything from that crazy fucker.

Everyone knows the real reason Raiders don't die is the CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Gene Wojciechowski is a Hater

I'm referring to his "100 NFL Predictions" column that came out today. The following evidence of his residence in the Doucheoisie:

100. What do JaMarcus Russell and Michael Vick have in common?
You mean besides they're both black and were drafted #1 overall at QB? Oh, hardy-fucking-har, neither of them will play this year. I get it...

97. LaDanian Thomson blahblahblah...the Raiders offense can't be that gruesome again, can it?

We get it, LaDanian Thomson is some kind of god, with super powers, and he killed us last year. See how he likes that Norv Turner kryptonite, though. C'mon Gene, as much time as you spent in the Bay Area hating on Barry Bonds this summer, you had to have picked up a paper other than the Chronicle at least once.

Speaking of which:

44. Shawne Merriman will be the Defensive Player of the Year, just like I said last year.
How come there's no sanctimonious editorializing about steroids here? I don't understand how Barry Bonds is a cheating disgrace but Shawne Merriman isn't.

At least Simmons doesn't jinx us by picking the Raiders as his sleeper team, they he way did last year with the Rams.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Something Other Than Quarterbacks

Is Culpepper-McCown a Davis vs. Kiffin showdown? Coming down to economics? Raw talent vs. ability to dig deeper in the playbook? A risk-taker vs. a conservative?

Or is it just a lot of fun with the media to kick off Lane's career?

Either way, it looks like the Raiders are about to wrap up their months of taking a stand vs. rookie salary escalation and JaMarcus can take his seat on the bench.

Meanwhile, there are 50 other players on the Raiders' roster.
  • While I'm thrilled that Morrison appears to be continuing his upward trajectory and Howard seems poised for a breakout, I was pretty impressed with Sam Williams during the preseason. He may come into his own this year.
  • Looks like I was wrong about Madsen. He's a pretty exciting player after all.
  • Did anyone else think Schweigert was headed for a reduced role with the Darius signing? That the Raiders were unwilling to put up with Darius' minor injuries seems to be a major vote of confidence for Schweigert - and for Huff at SS.
  • Higgins did a nice job taking the punt returner job, where Carr had struggled, but I suspect Carr is going to return an kick for a TD sooner rather than later.
  • I can't figure out why Chris Johnson is on the team, either. Kind of annoying that he's wearing Lester's #37.
  • I really like our WRs. This year could get fun...

Is it Sunday yet?

NFL Network says McCown.

Schefter says McCown will start. The ESPN comment came because I saw it on ESPN news just before posting it. I couldn't find a link.

So maybe instead of McCown saying that to Culpepper, it was Kiffin.

Dan has a whole set of examples why the Chronicle's writers are so often wrong about the Raiders. Maybe he'll share them when he's done winning powerboat racing championships.

Yo Dan, What's up with the Donkey colors on that boat?

ESPN Reports Culpepper to Start vs. Detroit.

It doesn't say if McCown had this conversation with Daunte after hearing the news.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Body Language

It's all over the place that Kiffin told the QBs which one is starting but won't tell anyone else. I saw John Clayton on the 3:00 Sportscenter say that based on Body Language alone, it looks likes McCown's the starter.

Jerry McDonald says pretty much the same thing, noting that "Culpepper's body language suggested he hadn't received good news."

But over at David White's SFGate Silver and Black blog, he says the exact opposite: "Judging by body language, it looks like Culpepper, who was all smiles compared to McCown's sighs, will start his eighth straight season opener.

Both blogs give caveats: McDonald musing that Culpepper could be bummed out about something completely different, and White saying that the Raiders are "more shroud than shield," and that the players may be under orders to "act the opposite of how they feel about getting the news."

I'm choosing to believe Jerry Mac and John Clayton, since David White sounds like a hater with his snarky "shroud" comment, and his stupid "act opposite" conspiracy theory. As much as I'd like to Daunte playing, because McCown just hasn't impressed me, I'm going with the guy--McDonald--who runs a Raiders blog with consistently interesting insider information.