Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Gene Wang is an ignorant asshole

Via Williamson, who to his credit says, "I just don't buy it," comes this piece of ignorance from some guy named Gene Wang, the Washington Post's "Fantasy Guru." In a checklist-style post, he mentions The Renegade/Second Chance factor, the athleticism, pairing Vick and McFadden in the Wildcat, and Oakland's geographical distance from Atlanta (whatever the fuck that means).

But it's the fifth and final item on the checklist that really kills it, and shows that Mr. Wang does not know what the fuck he's talking about:

Raiders fans, especially in The Black Hole, would have no trouble embracing a player with a prison record. Check.

Looks like we're 5 for 5, so Al Davis, what are you waiting for? Pick up the phone, give the man a call and get him on a plane to the Bay Area.

Um, no Gene. It most definitely DOES NOT look like we're five for five. Why don't you visit Oakland and do a little research first, before just assuming that everyone in the Black Hole who dresses up for the games is actually a criminal. The Bay Area in general and Oakland in particular is one of the most animal-friendly areas in the country. Jarrod Cooper is a fan favorite, and his charity, Help Code 597.org has been set up to help keep dogs out of shelters, and out of the hands of people like Michael Vick. It has the endorsement of the Raiders.

In short, it's the ANTI Michael Vick.

God I wish people would stop talking about this so that I could blog about something else.

More Nnamdi on Vick

I attributed this to Jerry Mac's twitter feed, because that's where I saw it first, but I should give props to David White who was on Chronicle Live with Nnamdi last night, which is apparently where the quote comes from.

Also, I'm not sure why the embedded video is cut off. The code they give you to copy is weird and needed to be edited, by me, with my limited skills.

Props to Ratto, I think, for the Bernie Maddoff joke.

Bill Williamson is Lazy; Jerry McDonald is Not (UPDATED)

The headline over at Bronco Bill's blog is "Sound-off: Michael Vick and the Raiders." He's soliciting reader emails, now that Vick's been conditionally reinstated, on whether or not he'd make a good Raider. I'm so tired of this, I don't even know where to begin. But since I had to say something, I submitted this:

Amy Trask would never allow it. You've written elsewhere that the Raiders linked with Vick is knee-jerk "Al Davis Loves Renegades" logic (or something). That fact that you've resorted to this on the day that Raiders training camp opens, and not whether or not Heyward-Bey is signed, or if JaMarcus can hold off Garcia, is just plain lazy.

I know, why doesn't Josh McDaniels bring him in to compete? Or is he happy with the duo of Kyle Orton and Chris Simms? Are Thigpen and Croyle really better than Michael Vick backing up Cassell? You'd be better off going back to transcribing Mike Shanahan press releases.

We'll see if he runs it. My guess is there'll be 20 emails for it, mostly from Denver, Kansas City, and San Diego, saying things like, "Of course the Raiders want Michael Vick. They're gangsters, blah blah blah Al Davis renegade blah blah blah if his 40 time is still blah blah blah wildcat."

It makes me want to puke.

UPDATE: From Jerry Mac's brand new Twitter page:

Nnamdi on Vick: ``Anytime there’s a criminal, or someone’s just gotten out of jail. Everyone says the Raiders are going to take him.”
Or, as our Permanent Man Crush might put it, the stories linking Michael Vick to the Raiders are apocryphal.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Greatest of All Time

Congratulations to Rickey Henderson, who, if Al gives out Cloaks of Immortality to baseball players, would surely get one.

I've been trying to find an embed-able video link, but you can watch his induction speech here.

Money quote:

"My dream was to play football for the Oakland Raiders," Henderson said. "But my mother thought I would get hurt playing football, so she chose baseball for me. I guess moms do know best."

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Autumn Wind is something or other.

Ta-Nehisi Coates has this posted at his blog:

The only thing I know about World of Warcraft is from the episode on South Park where the boys play to save the universe from some guy who can't be beaten. It's a really funny episode; my favorite part is when Cartman has diarrhea all over his mom.

It's weird, though, because I can't hear "The Autumn Wind" without getting pumped. To see dancing elves or gnomes or whatever, getting down to John Facenda's words just doesn't do it. This is more like it:

Sunday, July 19, 2009

More Dan Bait: Jerry Mac on Hall of Fame

While we wait for Training Camp to start, I was checking out Jerry McDonald's Sunday Notes blog item. He was asked by MediaNews to answer a Page2 "Ask the Experts" question. The question is, of the three, Ray Guy, Kenny Stabler, and Cliff Branch, which one is most likely to make the HOF? Jerry says Ray Guy and makes a compelling case, i.e. he's the Greatest Punter of All Time.

But why is Lester Hayes left out of this discussion? (Jerry also points out, in his further discussion of Stabler on the blog, that Al is pushing for Jim Plunkett, hard, and I can't say I blame him.) But Dan has made the case for Lester Hayes, and I think it's a good one.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Hater of the Week, Literary Allusion Edition: Tom Weir

This blog item started well enough, discussing Rickey Henderson's having his number retired by the A's. Then, Tom Weir goes on to muse about other franchises, like the Celtics and Yankees, that have retired so many numbers (because they have had so many great players) that they're running out of them. Then, we get this:

Mathematically speaking, the teams in the best shape are the Dallas Cowboys and the Oakland Raiders. Both have great traditions (Or at least the Raiders did, until Al Davis started imitating Captain Queeg), but neither has ever retired a number.

Captain Queeg? Are you kidding me? Sure, he's weird, and his men hated him, but he wasn't exactly a great Captain. The U.S.S. Caine was his first command, and he fucked it up. Al Davis, when he took over the Franchise, Dominated for parts of three decades. Loyal CLOAK readers (both of them!) will know that if Al can be compared to a figure in literature, it's to Simon Bolivar in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's novel, The General in His Labyrinth. Just read that description of the General and tell me that doesn't sound like Al, other than the premature aging.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

How do you raise a champion?

Not to be a dick or anything, Mrs. Tomlinson, but you haven't really raised a champion, have you? That's probably the reason you didn't know you were raising one in the first place.

Camp JaMarcus

The NFL Network, now apparently without Adam Schefter (where'd he go?) has a report on JaMarcus' passing camp in Alabama. Talk about leadership, he's paying for at least three guys to fly out there to work out.

Warren Sapp has some interesting comments, though, after the report, saying that Goldmember might have a chance, since he's working out in Oakland. He's always been a big JaMarcus booster, though. (hat tip Jerry)

But yo, NFL.com. Where's the embed function?

Vote for Pablo

Kristy picked him out as her favorite the day the Giants called him up. It's good to have some sports excitement in the Bay Area for once.


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Why Jerry McDonald is still the best

Because as good as David White has been since the end of last season, nobody knows his readers like Jerry Mac:

...although there was no mention of the abolition of Walt Coleman.

That's called playing to your audience.

Get Pumped

Willie and Nnamdi. I was driving past the Coliseum--obviously--and
this made my day.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to America, and Happy Birthday to the sole bestower of the CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY, Al Davis.

Blackout Rules

On a lighter note...

Felt like the Oakland Football Marketing Association days today with the Giants blacked out on local TV thanks to Fox's exclusivity rights on Saturday afternoons. But the upside was getting to listen to baseball's best trio of announcers - Jon Miller, Duane Kuiper, and Mike Krukow - do the game together on KNBR. At one point, Miller did his Vin Scully impression, passing it back to Duane, Mike, and "Jim," perhaps daring Johnny to again argue against this announcing team as baseball's best with Jon Miller added to the equation. While talking about last night's winner, Ryan Sadowski, Miller even went on at length about what a terrific movie The Big Lebowski is, and they threw in a few quotes from The Dude. I couldn't agree more.

It helped that the Giants pounded Mikey's Astros, scoring 8 insurance runs for Tim Lincecum, who looks to be making another serious Cy Young bid.

RIP Air McNair

A somewhat odd and very tragic story coming out of Nashville, Steve McNair was found shot to death along with a woman who is apparently his girlfriend.

When the Houston Oilers drafted McNair #3 overall out of Division I-AA Alcorn State, I was living in Houston. The expectations were high, as with any QB drafted so early, and a lot of questions loomed over whether he could make the leap from I-AA to the NFL. He delivered beyond expectations, and I think he shattered a lot of stereotypes of black quarterbacks along the way. As an NFL player, he was one to look up to.

Sad day.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Dan Roundup

My lazy summertime blogging frequency continues. I would blame it on the severe foot injury I suffered at Johnny's birthday barbecue, but if anything, that has kept me off my feet and even more apt to sit in front of a computer. At least I'm using my crutches less, but I still have a blister the size of a golf ball on the bottom of my foot. Kristy says no to pictures on the CLOAK. Too disgusting.

Just watched the few minutes of Greg Papa's interview with Al Davis that were shown on tonight's Chronicle Live. Al is looking more and more like the emperor from Star Wars, but his memory remains solid, telling stories about Brooklyn and how Mike Tyson called him one tough SOB for having grown up playing in Lincoln Terrace Park. No real football content, though.

The other day it was AFC West day on NFL Live on ESPN, and when they went to Bronco Bill for some insight via his lousy telephone, he actually declared Zach Miller his breakout player for the upcoming season. I can get behind that one, although it also says a little something about expectations for the vertical game.

One thing I never got around to doing was following up on my three points from minicamp.
  1. So far Huff's only chance appears to be getting the Derrick Gibson treatment from on high. Given that Al called him Art Shell's pick, I don't see it happening. I sure do miss Eddie Anderson.
  2. DHB was so-so. I didn't notice any gasps from the media as he ran down the field, but most focus was on his hands or his hamstring. He's a rookie WR, so doubtful he'll do a lot anyway. But Schilens seems to be on track to continue emerging, much to Unk's delight. And speaking of McFadden...that's my breakout pick for 2009.
  3. The accuracy of JaMarcus. Not so good. At least he showed improvement. But what's with this story that he skipped the last OTA after showing such "leadership" calling for extra practice with his receivers? Did he disappear into the Twilight Zone with all the regular Raider bloggers? (See #2 under Things I Heard...)
No wonder I never followed up.

Finally, I could not help but notice that Ron Artest is heading to the Lakers. I haven't watched a full NBA game since November 19, 2004, when Ron and his buddies climbed into the stands and started beating up fans. Truth be told, it hasn't been that difficult given that I find the NBA game to be reasonably boring and I've drifted from the Lakers to the Rockets to nobody with the Hornets (Charlotte) thrown in there at some point as favorite teams. Sure, I bet a lot of those fans were assholes, but the sight of these guys climbing up there and pounding on people who paid to come to the game was just too much.

Captain Kirk

via Bill Williamson. From now, I will be referring to Kirk as "Hollywood" Morrison.

In other news, Phil Barber breaks down ESPN's ultimate fan ranking, which has the Raiders at #116. They call Al the "ultimate dinosaur."