Monday, August 17, 2009

Hater of the Week: Lowell Cohn

Lowell Cohn, you ask? Not Nancy Gay, for whom the award was originally named and the writer who broke the Jawbreaker story?

Once you have a read of Johnny's professor's one-two combo, you'll know why.

His take on the Cable story is brutal. He begins by musing over Cable going to jail over the incident:
"If Cable goes to the pokey, can he coach the Raiders via cell phone from the exercise yard or while cleaning the latrine, or would he actually have to see the game?"
He goes on to take the requisite jabs at the organization:
"They have a highly stable situation over there in the wilds of Napa. The coaching staff clearly is a model of harmony and organization for the players, and the fact the coach hasn’t yet been arrested should give Raiders fans confidence this team can win at least four of 16 games this season."
He continues with a few shots at Cable:
"If the rumor of the sucker punch is true, does that make Cable a punk? Does it make him a potential felon? Does it make him the perfect Raiders coach?

Answer: All of the above."

And:
"After he gets fired, I see Cable driving a Coors truck in Livermore or Cloverdale."
But then he goes on to extrapolate a few Raider fan comments on sports Web sites to represent the general Raider fan reaction. Oozing with derision he refers to the fans as "intellectual," "thoughtful," a "wit." And he closes with harsh words containing only an insincere disclaimer:
"Have you noticed Raiders fans are different from all other fans? I’m not talking about all Raiders fans, just some. These beauts take pride in incidents like this. From their informed point of view, it’s merely business as usual for their beloved team."
One could argue that Lowell is just doing what he loves - taking what the Raiders give him - and that they have once again stumbled into a distracting off-the-field fiasco just when things on the field were starting to look promising. But on Sunday he wrote an impassioned piece essentially asking to be named Hater of the Week. His article explores his feelings about the Bay Area teams:
"I do like the 49ers better than the Raiders and I’m trying to understand why."
Any person's feelings about the Raiders are intrinsically linked to his or her feelings about Al Davis. Lowell does not like him. His article presents a case likely echoed by local writers and HOTWs who have come before him. Al is vengeful. He punishes writers. After an odd betrayal of Bill Walsh's disdain for overweight coaches, Lowell uses Walsh as expert witness to Al's self-made "life of conflict."

But the point that stings the Raider fan is the following:
"Al wastes his time settling silly scores. Al wastes his time on useless stuff and that is part of why the Raiders have stunk."
Congratulations Lowell Cohn. For declaring your distaste for the Raiders while twisting the knife that is stuck in Raider fans, you have earned HOTW status.

1 comment:

John Sousa said...

I really, really wish that I was the wit who wrote, "Good thing he didn't punch a dog or he'd really be in trouble."

That made me laugh out loud.