Hater of the Week: Lowell Cohn

Lowell Cohn, you ask? Not Nancy Gay, for whom the award was originally named and the writer who broke the Jawbreaker story?

Once you have a read of Johnny's professor's one-two combo, you'll know why.

His take on the Cable story is brutal. He begins by musing over Cable going to jail over the incident:

"If Cable goes to the pokey, can he coach the Raiders via cell phone from the exercise yard or while cleaning the latrine, or would he actually have to see the game?"

He goes on to take the requisite jabs at the organization:

"They have a highly stable situation over there in the wilds of Napa. The coaching staff clearly is a model of harmony and organization for the players, and the fact the coach hasn’t yet been arrested should give Raiders fans confidence this team can win at least four of 16 games this season."

He continues with a few shots at Cable:

"If the rumor of the sucker punch is true, does that make Cable a punk? Does it make him a potential felon? Does it make him the perfect Raiders coach?

Answer: All of the above."

And:

"After he gets fired, I see Cable driving a Coors truck in Livermore or Cloverdale."

But then he goes on to extrapolate a few Raider fan comments on sports Web sites to represent the general Raider fan reaction. Oozing with derision he refers to the fans as "intellectual," "thoughtful," a "wit." And he closes with harsh words containing only an insincere disclaimer:

"Have you noticed Raiders fans are different from all other fans? I’m not talking about all Raiders fans, just some. These beauts take pride in incidents like this. From their informed point of view, it’s merely business as usual for their beloved team."

One could argue that Lowell is just doing what he loves - taking what the Raiders give him - and that they have once again stumbled into a distracting off-the-field fiasco just when things on the field were starting to look promising. But on Sunday he wrote an impassioned piece essentially asking to be named Hater of the Week. His article explores his feelings about the Bay Area teams:

"I do like the 49ers better than the Raiders and I’m trying to understand why."

Any person's feelings about the Raiders are intrinsically linked to his or her feelings about Al Davis. Lowell does not like him. His article presents a case likely echoed by local writers and HOTWs who have come before him. Al is vengeful. He punishes writers. After an odd betrayal of Bill Walsh's disdain for overweight coaches, Lowell uses Walsh as expert witness to Al's self-made "life of conflict."

But the point that stings the Raider fan is the following:

"Al wastes his time settling silly scores. Al wastes his time on useless stuff and that is part of why the Raiders have stunk."

Congratulations Lowell Cohn. For declaring your distaste for the Raiders while twisting the knife that is stuck in Raider fans, you have earned HOTW status.

Could Be Worse: Condi Rice linked to 49ers Job

Lowell Cohn has this nugget on his blog tonight.

I mean, could you see Al Davis ever considering this? I've heard him lecture Steve Corkran on how much he knows about "Foreign Affairs." I mean, of course, Al Davis is an expert on Everything.

Except that recently he seems to have forgotten how to field a competitive football operation. Anyway, I think the 49ers hiring Condi Rice would be an awesome move, at least in terms of making their organization more interesting. She was at Stanford at the same time as Bill Walsh, I think, so they could make the claim that she's part of the all-Holy Bill Walsh Family Tree.

The only problem is, she might not be able to travel with the team if they get picked to play in the London Bowl or whatever the hell they call it, because she'd be worried about being arrested for war crimes.

Good times. Maybe the Giants can hire George Schultz.

John's Picks.

Waiting for Dan and his brother Mikey to show up and start pre-gaming for tomorrow...

I'm going with the Raiders in this game. For some reason, I think Brett is due to throw 3 or 4 INTs tomorrow. The Chaz Schillens era debuts with him getting 6 catches for 122 and a Touchdown. 22-13 Raiders. Hell, if stuff like this can happen (and yes, it may well be apocryphal), anything can happen.

The 49ers are playing the Giants, who just got worked by Cleveland, and are probably pretty pissed, and are going to take it out on the hapless 49ers. Oh, and JTO is a back-up quarterback. For a franchise that redefined quarterback excellence, it's just not acceptable that a guy whose name sounds like a schlocky Canadian 1970s rock band is calling signals on Bill Walsh Field.

The Colts look to be back, so maybe the Packers should worry. But since Sllaacs took Indy, I'm going with GB. 27-24.

Bufalo vs. San Diego is an interesting one. I like the disChargers, for some reason. 27-21.

ESPN.com Power Rankings Disagree with Sllaacs.

I don't know what to make of this except that there must be some kind of anti-Raiders bias at work here.

The 49ers actually move up a spot from #29 to #28, while the Raiders fall from #27 to #29. So in the battle of who sucks the most in the Bay Area, the 49ers are getting a sympathy vote or something, because all of their former coaches have died this year.