Simpler Times

Lager, that is. I got it at Trader Joe's in honor of Dan's visit to Los Gatos, because according to the can it's hand-crafted in Wisconsin.

Mike Bush is running well, and JaMarcus is offering him Gatorade when he comes off the field after a tough run. Glad to see he's staying involved. Meanwhile, we're enjoying Kristi's text messages about the game.

So far: "Fuck the refs," and something to Dan about "SMALL MILE HIGH DICKS."

Manning to Colston - TOUCHDOWN!!

So yeah, in my Fantasy League I have Eli Manning as my QB and Marques Colston as my #1 receiver, so in fantasy terms aren't I technically correct in pretending that Eli tosses those fantasy passes to Colston in the weekly matchup? No...? Well, it's my first year.

So the picks:

San Franciso @ Minnesota
The Vikings got the run stopping Williams Wall, and the Niners will pound it, pound it, pound it. Have to go with the Vikes at home though, with Brett Favre the Game Manager continuing to victimize the 49ers, as he has done over most of his career. Vikings 23-13 over the Niners.

Denver @ Oakland
Pretty easy here: Denver looks decent, Oakland looks lucky to be 1 and 1. JaMarcus looks worse that Alex Smith ever did, whil Denver messed off a franchise QB in Jay Cutler during the offseason, and still got a decent QB in return (Kyle Orton). The Raiders cut a decent QB in Jeff Garcia and have no options other than JaMarcus who is most kindly described these days as "raw". Denver should roll by 2 TD's at least. With that in mind, I choose Oakland to somehow get the victory. There is some attractiveness in that scrappy defense and the young QB who looks horrible for most of a game but can make big throws at the end. Raiders over the Broncos 18-17.

Tennessee @ New York Jets
I like Sanchez. The Jet fans probably love him. Tennessee is bad - NYJ is bad, but at least the Jets have Sanchez. Jets over Titans 28-16.

Miami @ San Diego
Go Wildcat, it's your birthday... Miami is also stuffing the run this year, besides thier Wildcat hi jinks. LaDainian is hobbled and Merriman is hurting, but they will probably be out here for this home loss to the Dolphins. Miami Dolphins over San Diego Padres... er, Chargers, 24-9.

Sllaacs' Ballers are 2-0. Sousa's lame-ass squad is 1-1. What's lame-er, is that our teams don't play each other during the regular fantasy season. You'll have to make the playoffs to get rolled by the Ballers, Sousa - I'd say good luck, though you won't need it with this weeks opponent.

Sllaacs

Raider Plan Begins to Pay Off

The Broncos just traded away a first rounder from next year's draft to move into Seattle's second round spot and select cornerback Alphonso Smith. Obviously, they need a guy to match up with Darrius Heyward-Bey for the next ten years.

Sarcasm aside, Gruden just had the quote of the day: "Here are my notes: I have no idea what the Broncos are doing today."

Least Shocking Blog Headline from Today's Draft

Bill Williamson is "Live from Denver."

Hater of the Week: Mark Schlereth

Yes, I know he's a Bronco. But calling the Garcia signing an "indictment" of JaMarcus is retarded. And how he can give props to a team like Uncle Norval's Chargers, who have been content to rest on their 8-8 laurels is beyond me. In fairness, he says he loves Tom Cable. So do we. Anyway.

It's fitting that Broncos' Spokesperson Williamson would embed this in his Denver Broncos blog on ESPN.com.

Donkeys Smack-Down of the Week, Part II.

Wow. Everyone is piling on the Broncos this week. Josh McDaniels seems to have been singled out especially. Check out Rick Reilly, Denver resident:

Years from now, the Cutler Catastrophe will go down as the dumbest thing in Boy Blunder's very short coaching career. By then, perhaps he will be your waiter at Olive Garden.

That smarts, doesn't it? We kind of went through this here with Lance, only he wasn't a Belichik/Pioli protege. He was just an egomaniacal Boy Blunder.

Garcia Signing Reactions

There seems to be a consensus among the local writers who have chimed in that Goldmember will, at the very minimum, set a good example for JaMarcus in terms of preparation, training, and attitude. There is also the sense that Garcia will push JaMarcus, both in practice, and I haven't read this anywhere yet, but I get the feeling that if JaMarcus struggles, the fans will start chanting for Jeff. A little pressure and competetion never hurt anybody. Or if it did, you didn't want them on your team.

Jerry Mac breaks down the history between Garcia and the Raiders, and then writes,

I floated the idea of signing Michael Vick under certain conditions the other day, something the Raiders probably never considered. They’ve been playing it safe and smart, having been burned by being too bold last year.

Garcia is the safe, smart choice.

You really only need to think about it for split second.

Should Russell be injured, do you want Jeff Garcia, Andrew Walter or Bruce Gradkowski?

Thought so.

By the way, I hated that Michael Vick column. Anyway.

Lowell Cohn says Good for the Raiders.

Kawakami writes,

I like the Garcia signing as a sign that Al Davis isn’t babying Russell, while at the same time still expecting the most out of him. Alex Smith could’ve used something like that a few years ago, and he never got it.

David White is on vacation or something, but the Sporting Green staff is asking readers to answer a stupid question by writing the answer in the comments section.

Nationally, Denver Broncos spokesperson Bill Williamson writes that at the very least it means Garcia won't be a Bronco this year, whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. It's not like his being a Bucaneer helped Tampa last season when we played them. Then he gets Scouts, Inc.'s Matt Williamson to say that he's never liked Garcia, and that, contrary to what Kawakami and McDonald say, it's a bad fit because the playbook will have to be re-written if JaMarcus gets hurt, and they'd have been better off signing Leftwich. Personally, I'm with the locals in that a change of pace is a good thing to have in a back-up.

Donkeys Smack-Down of the Week

Mike Florio lays some wood on Josh McDaniels this morning, quoting Peter King, who says "McDaniels thinks he can win with Orton." To which Florio retorts:

In what league? AFL 2.5?

He finishes with a shot at McDaniels draft board, saying he'll only a draft a late-round QB prospect in the mold of Tom Brady or Matt Cassell only "if he took photos of the Belichick/Pioli 2009 draft board."

I love it. Florio is like the Anti-Bill Williamson.

Looking at the picture of Orton next to King's column, I think from now on I will refer to Orton as Dave Grohl. So now might we have a Goldmember and a Foo Fighter in the same division.

Donkeys vs. Cutler: BWAAAHAHAHA!!!!

You can get all the details on the Denver/Jay Cutler debacle on Bill Williamson's ESPN Denver Broncos Blog, er, AFC West Blog.

Anyway, what it has me thinking about is how different this Raider Season is from previous years. Other than the tragic Marquis Cooper story, an accident that nobody on Harbor Bay Parkway could have had anything to do with, the Raiders' off-season has been drama free.

Sure, there's Cable's "critical" comments about Jammy, but look at the contortions people have to go through to even make that news.

Here, it's been nothing but Nmamdi, Lechler, and Al Davis hagiography at the Owner's Meetings (feel free to ask Nmamdi what "hagiography" means. Anyone who uses "apocryphal" in a sentence correctly and nonchallantly can tell you what it means).

Maybe Sllaacs can comment on Ray Ratto's Psalm to Jay Cutler.

Hoculi Rule?

Via Bill Williamson, the NFL is looking into making plays like Cutler's non-fumble against the Chargers last year reviewable.

This is the kind of thing that turns Raiders fans into Conspiracy Theorists. Six months later, and the NFL is going to change instant replay because the poor San Diego Chargers got screwed in a regular season game.

And yet, it's been over 7 years since that dirty goat fucker Walt Coleman called the Tuck Rule, and it's still on the books.

At least we can enjoy the drama in Denver.

Chucky, Macaca's Brother Fired in Tampa

Former Raiders Coach John Gruden, and former Raiders General Manager Bruce Allen have been sacked in Tampa, leading Jerry Mac to call Tom Cable "The Terminator" for his roll in Shanahan's and then Gruden's teams suckitude.

But why does the ESPN.com article have to link to this?