Quote of the Day

This guy Hanson can't catch a break except when it comes to his chin. -Lowell Cohn

The Perfect Example

I could really use some sleep, but this has to be said. That Randy Hanson is back at work in Alameda is the perfect illustration of why our hope for long term success for the Raiders is akin to our hope that we'll win the lottery. It is reason #1.

Bringing back Hanson is possibly the most extreme thing Al Davis could have thought of to do in order to undermine Cable as coach. Just think about it. Hanson tried to put Cable in jail. In JAIL.

Oh, I'm sure Al has some "logical" reason. Maybe it keeps Hanson from dragging Cable and the Raiders to civil trial. Certainly there are better ways than this to avoid such a fate.

No, Raiders fans can't even enjoy one week of post-improbable-victory bliss during which we could have lied to ourselves that maybe, just maybe there is something to that locker room message. Al has bludgeoned us with another debacle. Now he could really get us all back for that billboard by going ahead and naming Hanson GM.

Seriously? I mean, really? Oh, COME ON!

This is great. I mean, really. Stay classy, Raiders. What happened to Dollar up for Tracey?



Right as Jerry Mac speculates that despite the decrepitude on the field, Cable probably won't get fired.

This is Al Davis' fault.

It Just Keeps Getting Worse

In a column that makes Lowell Cohn's read like a John Herrera transcript, Mike Silver takes a chainsaw to the Raiders. This quote, from an unidentified former player, makes me want to throw up:

“That [Romanowski punch] got the publicity, but I saw so many things like that,” says one former Raiders player who is now with another team. “I saw a player push a coach and get his game check taken away. Other players would cuss out coaches and get away with it. One coach made a smartass comment and a player pushed him almost to the ground. I saw a coach take a swing at a player. Coaches were verbally going after other coaches. And guys were getting drunk in meetings or coming to practice still drunk from the night before. They’d throw up before we went out on the field, or you could smell the liquor on their breath.”

NFP broke the story about Hanson's decision to go to the Police. He's also lawyered up.

Is it Morrissey time already? Last year we made it to October before giving up. It's still August.

Jawbreaker

A couple of more reaction columns this morning. Kawakami has a predictable, "This is why the Raiders suck, because Al Davis cultivates a paranoid atmosphere where nobody, especially the head coach, is really in charge, and so they do stupid things like punch each other in the face and lose 11 games a season," column up at the Merc. His comparison to the Shell/Lombardi feud of 2006 doesn't really work here, because that was more a battle between more or less equals for front office supremacy. They both loss. I guess Kawakami's point is that there's Al, and then there's everyone else, and in Al's eyes the head coach is just as much a peon as a generic defensive assistant. And besides, he took Hanson's side in the Kiffin debacle.

Which brings us to Ratto, who uses his column as an opportunity to take a shot at Lance. It's pretty funny, too:

So while we await developments in Napa and New York, we are most eager to await developments in Knoxville, Tenn., where Kiffin has some form of I-told-you-so clawing at his soft palate and desperate to get out soon.

Trust us, he won't be able to help himself. I mean, he never has before. That's why he's in the position he is today.

I think I'll take this opportunity to play a couple of songs by Jawbreaker.

Tom Cable breaks Randy Hanson's Jaw?

Well, here we go. Just when I was getting excited, that irrational exuberance that Raiders fans get sometime between the start of free agency and opening night when everything comes crashing down.

Nancy Gay, who's been AWOL from her perch at the Chronicle since we re-named the Hater of the Week Award, now writes for AOL's NFL Fanhouse. And it's a doozy:

Two NFL sources have told FanHouse the attacker was Raiders' first-year head coach Tom Cable, and "that Hanson never saw it coming."

So, Tom Cable sucker-punched the guy Lance Famously tried to fire right before Al broke the overhead projector, breaking his jaw. Outstanding.

I personally agree with Greg Rosenthal at PFT, who nominates "CABLE, BUMAYE!" as the 2009 Raiders Slogan.

Apparently that's what the players were chanting before practice. Nancy Gay, in one of the lamest sentences I've read, writes,

Earlier, as players took the practice field they were heard chanting "Cable Bumaye!" (Cable Kill Him) -- a reference to the infamous chant made famous by boxing fans in Zaire when Muhammad Ali knocked out George Foreman in the 8th round during the Rumble in the Jungle fight in 1974.

Thanks for the history lesson. Meanwhile, Mike Florio reports that Tom Cable told Mark Schlereth that nothing happened:

During halftime of the Panthers-Giants game on ESPN, Chris Berman relayed some info from Mark Schlereth.

Schlereth says he has spoken to Raiders coach Tom Cable, and that Cable claims "nothing happened" between himself and assistant coach Randy Hanson.

If true (and for now we're not inclined to think it is), that would directly contradict the report from Nancy Gay of FanHouse, who wrote earlier tonight that it was Cable who cold-cocked Hanson earlier this month, sending Hanson to the hospital.

Ouch.

Sllaacs' Mom Provoked My CyberStalker; Picks.

I'm still pretty sure that the guy trying to get his flame war on me is my brother, who didn't know who Lance Kiffin was. Although, when I read it out loud to him, he laughed and said he didn't write it but wished he had. Still, he's the only one who so lovingly calls me "DickFace."

I feel like I need to mention Bill Simmons today, because he brings up the NFL.com "Every Day is Like Sunday" commercials. Which I wrote about almost a month ago. Wow, I beat one of my heroes to the punch, which means absolutely nothing. It's also relevant because he has the Bye week beating the Raiders (though not by as much as it's beating the Rams), has some funny-ish reader emails about which Hollywood monster Al Davis most resembled at the press conference, and says that we Raiders fans get a Stomach Punch because Tom Cables record as Head Coach at the University of Idaho was 11-35. Anyway, that's more games in the span of 3 years than we've one the last three, so it's an improvement, right?

As for Sllaacs saying that Cable should keep to Lance's plan, does that include the weekly "Tell The Truth Mondays," or what Al Davis referred to as Flat Out Lying? Because that would be awesome.

On to the picks:

Niners vs. Patriots. I really, really hope that Patrick Willis catches Randy Moss coming over the middle. Oh, right, Randy doesn't go over the middle. Oh well. The 49ers win. 17-14.

Packers vs. Falcons. Is Aaron Rodgers even playing? Still feeling good about trading the Indestructable Brett Favre now? Rodgers is the man of Glass. Falcons, and Bubba Malaysia's All Star Running back Michael Turner run the shit out of the Packers, 29-13. Seems like Turner busts out ever two weeks, so he's due.

Bufalo goes to 4-0 with a 27-14 Win over AZ. Is Matt Leinert still on that team?

By the way CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY would like to thank Al Davis, Lane Kiffin, the NFL, Tim Kawakami, John Herrera, and Morrissey for the month of September, which I just noticed was our most prolific month since our inception, with a total of 116 posts.

Who the Fuck is Randy Hanson? Also, John's Picks.

Good job by Dan and Sllaacs keeping up the blog while I've been out of action. I think all of the stupidity of the last week made me sick.

Anyway, so just what the Raiders the morning of a game with a division rival: More controversy. Some guy named Randy Hanson was suspended by Lance after the Monday Night Debacle of September 8 after he was overheard saying, "It's a good thing that Shanahan didn't have our players, or else he would have beaten us 1,000-0."

So now he's the latest assistant coach to come out and call Lance a liar, and what with all the injuries, I'll be shocked if we keep the game within 30 points today. The only inflection we're likely to see or hear is in Al's voice when he speaks to the media this week, if he was telling Corkran the truth. on thisAt least that will be interesting. Chargers win, 42-10.

Jerry has more on this, saying that Kiffin's big mistake was in not talking to Al before trying to fire Rob, etc, which is the same shit Shanny did 20 years ago when he tried to purge his staff of Art Shell and Tom Walsh. We all know how that ended up.

Again, I'm not saying Kiffin is the 2nd coming of Bill Walsh. He's clearly not. He's also probably a hypocrite, as Peterson argues so persuasively. But anyone who thinks he's the only, or even the main problem, is in denial. Deep, crushing, unhealthy denial.

The 49ers are playing pretty good football. It could be a shoot out in the dome. I like the 9ers, actually, 31-28.

I like Tampa over the Packers, in a squeaker, 17-14. Maybe even OT. Raiders fans will watch, wistfully, remembering what it was like to have a well-coached football team.

Jets-Cardinals. Maybe there's something to this trade speculation of Jerry's. I would trade every receiver who is not a rookie, and next years (likely Top-5) for Anquan Boldin. Do it NBA-style, so the cap numbers match. But that's just me. I'm weird, I want JaMarcus to be successful.

Oh. Cardinals win after they return 3 Favre INTs for six. I'd a double-bagged.