Hater of the Week, Super Bowl Addition: Charles P. Pierce

I thought of naming Jerry Mac and/or Adam Treu for bringing up the game that almost got me divorced, but instead I'm going to Slate.com this week for the Hater of the Week, perhaps the first time it's been given to someone who wasn't hating on the Raiders.

Ladies and Gentleman, I present Charles P. Pierce, and let his words speak for themselves:

This simple fact is that the very presence of the Arizona Cardinals in the
Super Bowl is at best a fluke and, at worst, a disgrace. They played in a landfill of a division. They won their two playoff games because Jake Delhomme of Carolina turned the ball over six times and because the Philadelphia Eagles all looked at the newspapers last Sunday and discovered they were in the NFC championship game again. The Cardinals are a glorified Arena Football League team with a soft defense and a running game unworthy of the name. They are in the position that they're in because the NFL rigs its season worse than any carny rigs his wheel. For all the macho posturing of its principal propagandists, between the jiggering of the schedule and the conniving of the draft and the socialistic revenue schemes, and the desperate grab for any mechanism that will flatten out the differences between really good teams and really bad ones, the NFL is the league that comes closest to the biddy soccer league philosophy of making sure that everyone gets a trophy.

That's what the Arizona Cardinals are: the National Participation
Ribbon.

He doesn't stop there. He has words for Thom Brenneman (which I appreciate; it's a scientific fact that 75% of men who spell their name "Thom" are douche bags, compared with 100% of men who spell their name "Geoff"), Tim Tebow, and Brett Favre.

Good Work, Chuck.

Sllaacs' Mom Provoked My CyberStalker; Picks.

I'm still pretty sure that the guy trying to get his flame war on me is my brother, who didn't know who Lance Kiffin was. Although, when I read it out loud to him, he laughed and said he didn't write it but wished he had. Still, he's the only one who so lovingly calls me "DickFace."

I feel like I need to mention Bill Simmons today, because he brings up the NFL.com "Every Day is Like Sunday" commercials. Which I wrote about almost a month ago. Wow, I beat one of my heroes to the punch, which means absolutely nothing. It's also relevant because he has the Bye week beating the Raiders (though not by as much as it's beating the Rams), has some funny-ish reader emails about which Hollywood monster Al Davis most resembled at the press conference, and says that we Raiders fans get a Stomach Punch because Tom Cables record as Head Coach at the University of Idaho was 11-35. Anyway, that's more games in the span of 3 years than we've one the last three, so it's an improvement, right?

As for Sllaacs saying that Cable should keep to Lance's plan, does that include the weekly "Tell The Truth Mondays," or what Al Davis referred to as Flat Out Lying? Because that would be awesome.

On to the picks:

Niners vs. Patriots. I really, really hope that Patrick Willis catches Randy Moss coming over the middle. Oh, right, Randy doesn't go over the middle. Oh well. The 49ers win. 17-14.

Packers vs. Falcons. Is Aaron Rodgers even playing? Still feeling good about trading the Indestructable Brett Favre now? Rodgers is the man of Glass. Falcons, and Bubba Malaysia's All Star Running back Michael Turner run the shit out of the Packers, 29-13. Seems like Turner busts out ever two weeks, so he's due.

Bufalo goes to 4-0 with a 27-14 Win over AZ. Is Matt Leinert still on that team?

By the way CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY would like to thank Al Davis, Lane Kiffin, the NFL, Tim Kawakami, John Herrera, and Morrissey for the month of September, which I just noticed was our most prolific month since our inception, with a total of 116 posts.

Who the Fuck is Randy Hanson? Also, John's Picks.

Good job by Dan and Sllaacs keeping up the blog while I've been out of action. I think all of the stupidity of the last week made me sick.

Anyway, so just what the Raiders the morning of a game with a division rival: More controversy. Some guy named Randy Hanson was suspended by Lance after the Monday Night Debacle of September 8 after he was overheard saying, "It's a good thing that Shanahan didn't have our players, or else he would have beaten us 1,000-0."

So now he's the latest assistant coach to come out and call Lance a liar, and what with all the injuries, I'll be shocked if we keep the game within 30 points today. The only inflection we're likely to see or hear is in Al's voice when he speaks to the media this week, if he was telling Corkran the truth. on thisAt least that will be interesting. Chargers win, 42-10.

Jerry has more on this, saying that Kiffin's big mistake was in not talking to Al before trying to fire Rob, etc, which is the same shit Shanny did 20 years ago when he tried to purge his staff of Art Shell and Tom Walsh. We all know how that ended up.

Again, I'm not saying Kiffin is the 2nd coming of Bill Walsh. He's clearly not. He's also probably a hypocrite, as Peterson argues so persuasively. But anyone who thinks he's the only, or even the main problem, is in denial. Deep, crushing, unhealthy denial.

The 49ers are playing pretty good football. It could be a shoot out in the dome. I like the 9ers, actually, 31-28.

I like Tampa over the Packers, in a squeaker, 17-14. Maybe even OT. Raiders fans will watch, wistfully, remembering what it was like to have a well-coached football team.

Jets-Cardinals. Maybe there's something to this trade speculation of Jerry's. I would trade every receiver who is not a rookie, and next years (likely Top-5) for Anquan Boldin. Do it NBA-style, so the cap numbers match. But that's just me. I'm weird, I want JaMarcus to be successful.

Oh. Cardinals win after they return 3 Favre INTs for six. I'd a double-bagged.

John's Picks

We should have done this a couple of days ago, and I was hoping dobolina would join Sllaacs, Dan and me by adding the Packers to our list of games, making it 4: 9ers, Raiders, Packers, and a random.

Let's do it anyway:

The 49ers suck. They're just awful. And the Cardinals are going to destroy them, 18-3. They get 3 because I like Nedney, and he's their whole offense.

Aaron Rodgers debuts as Favre's replacement against the Vikings in Monday Night's JV game. All I know is that Adrian Peterson had some dominant performances for me last year as my fantasy RB. With the Packers defense hurting, he will rush for 270 yards and 4 touchdowns, and beat the Packers 28-17.

Dan and I will be in the house Monday night for the Varsity matchup verse the Donkeys. I was there last year, and while the game is starting too late for us to take Lily this year, I'm expecting a similar result. Especially if the Denver training staff forgets to pack Cutler's insulin.

For the Random Game, let's go with the Jets vs. Miami. No matter what Lombardi says, Quentin Moses is not going to sack Brett Favre this weekend. Miami still sucks, even if they're no longer Tuna safe. Jets win 21-6.

Just a question, does the cover of Madden '09 qualify for Straight Cash Homey!?

Just

John's Picks

Happy Thanksgiving. Let's get right to it.

The Raiders are smart not to cut Lamont or Dominic this week, because LJ's out, and Priest is retired. They didn't want one of them running wild on us. I bet they get cut next week after the Denver game. Anyway, we're losing 13-9.

The Niners are losing, too. Only they're losing by a lot more than four points. The Cardinals run them off the field, 27-0.

The other game, Washington vs. Tampa, well, it's coming down to Coach Janky Spanky, Southeast Jerome, and Dolemite Jenkins.



Redskins win, 21-18.

Week 11 Picks

Yo,

My bad, I am a little late. I was going to pick the Pack over Detroit 37-26, but I was, uh late in making the entry. Here are my picks for Sunday:

The Raiders will get rolled for what, thier eighteenth straight division loss? Now that's a Black Hole - a place where wins are just sucked out of you and losses are blasted back in your face like a fine mist of particles, sticking like shit to a jacket made of helpless baby seal skin - seals that literally were clubbed over thier heads much like the Raider fans are figuratively clubbed over thiers by the constant F***ing losing... But I digress. This game will probably be just as frustrating for Oakland fans as the other Raider losses this season - 16 - 10, K.C. Look closely at Culpeppers Numbers, they aren't that bad considering - and I think Oakland could do worse than signing the immobile veteran for next year, and then allowing the mobile interception machine McClown to go about his merry way.

The Niners will lose. Will they get into the end zone though? Hell, I don't know - but I do remember a guy named Pat Barnes ran the Niner offense for about 4 games in 1999, and I think that the sense of futility that permeated the entire franchinse from that horrible period of time has once again reared its' ugly head. 23 - 8, Arizona. The Niners will get a safety and a defensive TD.

Tampa Bay will beat the 'skins. Notice that I keep picking T.B. games? Wonder why that is - could it be because as a Niner fan, I might look at those games and harken - that's right, I harken - back to the days of old when we had a QB that was a legit QB? Yes. That is the reason.

The Redskins bring a good D, and a lame O, while T.B. seems pretty much statistically unimpressive on both sides of the ball, but Jeff Garcia is a winner - and winners win. While losers, well - we all know what losers do. They end sentences with prepositions. 23 - 17, Tampa over Washington.

XOXO

Sllaacs