Go Dolphins

The Patriots are the 2nd team to win 11 games and miss the playoffs, ever.

Couldn't happen to a better team.

Phil Simms rips off Dan.

After Ronnie Brown throws an incomplete pass from the "wildcat" formation, Jim Nantz says, "That's the wind."

Phil Simms: "No, that's a running back trying throw a pass."

A word about JASR - And then the picks.

Now that the Main Stream Media have made the connection, I would like to reinforce my own stance on JaAlex SmiRussell - or JASR, for short. Sllaacs feels no satisfaction in this, only a slight vindication, for Alex Smith.

Alex Smith has been correctly labelled a BUST, but that label should have an asterisk, that says: "The San Francisco Forty-Niners totally messed up this kids' career, see 'Nolan, Mike' for further details."

The same can be said JASR - he is a victim of a crummy owner, coaching staff and team, and much like Alex Smith - he is no Archie Manning. He needs some semblance of a coaching staff and supporting cast on his team for him to succeed. There is nothing wrong with JASR physically; he can make all the plays, but he must be properly guided in how to be a QB. In the old days, JASR and Alex Smith would have sat the bench for at least one full season and carried a clipboard while a veteran QB showed him how it was done. The success of Peyton Manning and a few other great QB's coming right in and starting, along with media pressure due to the Number One Overall Pick status of both JaMarcus and Alex, led two weak ownership's to rush the young players into games, before any kind of team stability or structure had been achieved. When I see JASR, I just feel sad, and I feel a slight vindication for Alex, because the same thing that happened to him, has happened to JASR. Now, all the Raiders fans need is for Cable to call JASR a pussy and JASR to go into a game and injure himself further. Then he and Alex will be damn-near twins. The Ebony and Ivory Quarterbacks, underneath the heading: Ruined #1 Overall Picks by Bay Area NFL teams.

What should irk Raiders fans the most: Didn't Big Al take at least one look across the Bay over the last 4 years and get a smidgen of an idea of the horrible job Nolan and the Yorks were doing with Alex Smith? Guess not, since he's doing nearly the exact same thing with JASR. Or at least, allowing it to happen.

Picks:

San Franciso @ Miami:

The Dolphins are good. Better than Buffalo? Yes. Better than the Bretts? I don't know. Better than the Forty-Niners? The Mike Singletary-led Forty-Niners? Probably. But I am going to go with my squad this week, hoping not to jinx them. They went to New York and won, so I will pick the Forty-Niners to go into Florida now and come back with another win. San Francisco over the Dolphins 17-10.

New England @ Oakland:

The Raiders will lose this one. Why, you might ask, am I so sure? Because the Raiders are Blue Shit Water, that's why. But more than that, the Raider ALWAYS FOLD IN BIG GAMES. And this is a big game - for Randy Moss. He wants to come in and go off on the Raiders. And he will. Nmandi is quite the baller, and even if he does shut down Moss, Randy will be leaving with the win and the thought that success in the playoffs is a realistic goal. New England over the Raiders, 38-22.

Green Bay @ Jacksonville:

Who would have thought, after week 8 that the Niners would be challenging the Packers for "Better Record". Quite the tumble for the Cheese Heads. They went from: "We Need Favre!" to: "We got Rodgers!" to: "Who are we gonna draft next year?"  Expect the Packers to keep losing. The Jacksonville Jaguars will beat Green Bay 23-16, in a "Depresser".

N.Y. Giants @ Dallas:

This is the only compelling game of the week, in Sllaacs opinion. Should be a good game, with N.Y. having the shine slapped off their asses by McNabb and Co. and Pittsburgh callin' it a comeback against Dallas last week, even though they been here for years, rocking their peers, putting suckers in fear - making their tears rain down like a mon-soon... But I digress, (Go L.L, go L.L!). N.Y. will slap down Romo and T.O. Giants over Cowboys, 27-17.

"...don't ever compare me to rest who are all being sliced and diced..."

P.S.  You gotta love LL Cool J.  "Momma said knock you out", but she also said "Todd, take out the garbage."

Sllaacs

John's Picks

We should have done this a couple of days ago, and I was hoping dobolina would join Sllaacs, Dan and me by adding the Packers to our list of games, making it 4: 9ers, Raiders, Packers, and a random.

Let's do it anyway:

The 49ers suck. They're just awful. And the Cardinals are going to destroy them, 18-3. They get 3 because I like Nedney, and he's their whole offense.

Aaron Rodgers debuts as Favre's replacement against the Vikings in Monday Night's JV game. All I know is that Adrian Peterson had some dominant performances for me last year as my fantasy RB. With the Packers defense hurting, he will rush for 270 yards and 4 touchdowns, and beat the Packers 28-17.

Dan and I will be in the house Monday night for the Varsity matchup verse the Donkeys. I was there last year, and while the game is starting too late for us to take Lily this year, I'm expecting a similar result. Especially if the Denver training staff forgets to pack Cutler's insulin.

For the Random Game, let's go with the Jets vs. Miami. No matter what Lombardi says, Quentin Moses is not going to sack Brett Favre this weekend. Miami still sucks, even if they're no longer Tuna safe. Jets win 21-6.

Just a question, does the cover of Madden '09 qualify for Straight Cash Homey!?

Just

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Josh McCown's brother Luke almost cut off Josh's index finger.

On his throwing hand.

With a chainsaw.

Parcells must be ecstatic.

Let's hope JaMarcus doesn't list "wood working" or "brush clearing" as hobbies.

John's Picks

Okay.

Sllaacs is eating retard samiches if he thinks Miami is beating New England today. It's just not happening. If that happens, I will head straight out and buy all the canned food and bottled water I can fit in my car, and then I'll go to the local Ted Nugent Outlet Store purchase a survival suit and an assault rifle. Because the apocalypse is coming.

Jeff Garcia gets his revenge on the Yorks. Shaun Hill shows why he was third string.

The Raiders? I don't even know. McCown's starting, but they say Jammy might finish. Kiffin may take the training wheels off, leading to start next week against Norv and HGH crew.

Aww, screw it. Raiders win, 21-20, with Jammy leading a two-minute drill, game-winning drive so spectacular he solidifies himself as the franchise, and we don't see McCown again until preseason.

Week 16 Picks: Sllaacs Loses Mind; Still Loves GOOOLLLLD!

While Dan is busy putting the heat on Ira Miller, for continuing to insuate that Lane Kiffin is looking to bail, I'm cleaning out my inbox. Here's what I found:

Pickin' Time, Boys,

Niners vs. Tampa Bay. Jeff Garcia, back in SF - Gruden back in the Bay. Both winners, looking at the playoffs. In our (Niner Fans - Black Holers) collective faces. Tampa has allowed the fewest points in the NFL, (tied with Pittsburgh). However: The Shawn Hill era has begun. #13 - S-Hill. Shay Hizzle. Shay Heez-nil iz in tha hizzin-hoozin-hizzle. Shawn The Thrill Hill, baby... Okay, enough - Bucs win 21 - 14.

Raider vs. Jags. This one is in Jacksonville. The Jags are 10-4, Garrard has Brady-like efficiency, (16 TD's - 2 INT's) and Fred - Don't call it a comeback, I been here for years - Taylor is running as well as any back in the NFL not in a Minnesota uni. No need to mention the Raiders horrible run defense, but that will probably be the determining factor in a Jacksonville victory 24 - 10.

This week's schedule is lame. No one game this week features two playoff-bound teams. In that case I choose to pick the least exciting game on the schedule, (besides Raiders vs. Jaguars) and that is Miami vs. New England. Screw it, I'm picking Miami - they are on a season high winning streak, and I think they are "due". Whatever the hell that means. Miami wins a shocker - and preserves the 1972 Dolphins relevancy to all win-loss records - in Foxboro 17-13. I can dream, can't I? NFL films presents: "In a sports world nearly overcome with the ubiquity of Fantasy Leagues, one man and the entire city of Miami dares to dream in the old fashioned
way..."

Sllaacs

No word on whether or not Jeff Garcia is returning any of Sllaacs' text messages.

Week 13 picks: Sllaacs Introduces "integretous" into the Lexicon

So, with the Cowboys playing the Packers tomorrow night, I emailed Sllaacs this morning and suggested we use that game as the third this week. He replied:

Good call. I'm going to go with the 'Boys, 35-24 - even though a) I hate them, 2) they are suckas III) blow me, I hate them. And in conclusion, they are a bunch of assholes. Straight up, you won't find a less integretous group of guys this side of OJ's golfing buddies who rolled on him. Did I mention that I am a Niners fan? You gotta love Favre though. Maybe he can pull one out.

Niners at Carolina. Hard to pick - I mean Carolina sucks, and if the Niners are who they were against the Cardinals, then the Niners should win. Still, I pick the Panthers 23-14.

I got a new term; it's called getting Dilfer-ed. To be Dilfer-ed is to think you knew who you thought they were only to find out that they weren't. The Cardinals thought they knew who the Niners were. They got Dilfer-ed.

On that note, did the Raiders Dilfer the Chiefs last week? Well, they Dilfer-ed the streak, that's for sure. I'm going with Denver in this one, just because they own the Raiders, and seem to find a way to break this teams spirit at least once a year. 24-23 - Sea Bass misses a big one.

It was nice to see last week that the Bay Area does have Professional Football. And let Monday be a lesson; we could all be Dolphin fans. Could you imagine? I mean, rooting for guys who dress like that? C'mon.

There's a lot to talk about this week, and I want to keep them in separate posts...