Texas Size Picks

This week and next I'll be picking from Austin, home of two-game Raider MVP Michael Huff's alma mater and of my brother. Yee haw.

Mikey's dining room, where I'm sitting as I write this, is painted a deep teal. I am thus inspired to pick the Dolphins over the Chargers, 27-19 in this clash of softer blue tones.

Tennessee at the Jets. This is another easy one to pick based purely upon my location. The Titans deserted Texas. Mikey loves the Jets (and, presumably, loves Mark Sanchez, too). Jets 17-7.

49er madness has driven me out of the Bay Area and had already eclipsed Cal madness prior to today's Duck drubbing. The 9ers will bring their fans back to reality just a bit with their 24-12 loss against Minnesota and the quarterback who was previously one of my favorite players of all time.

I like the way Sllaacs broke down the Raiders game at the point where he picked the Raiders to somehow get the victory. This is a heavy "pick with your heart" choice: Raiders 23-11. But the Raiders are decent if they can put a few things together, and at some stage (hopefully this week) the Broncos will prove themselves not nearly as good as 2-0.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Josh McCown's brother Luke almost cut off Josh's index finger.

On his throwing hand.

With a chainsaw.

Parcells must be ecstatic.

Let's hope JaMarcus doesn't list "wood working" or "brush clearing" as hobbies.

Sllaacs Baseball - 2008

The smell of the grass and the wet infield dirt. The sound of a ball slapping into a mitt. The calls of "Attaboy", "Cut Two!", and "Play Ball!" echoing around the field. This is spring training baseball, an almost magical prologue that happens only prior to the baseball season. Every team is a contender in the spring with the same surprises always around the corner: The kid that's going to hit .600 this spring and then get sent down anyway; the has-been's and never-was's making another try at getting a spot in the Show; the starting pitcher who dominates like he's Cy Young in March and then gets lit up like he's Willie Lump-Lump in April - and vice-versa, of course. How about the O.G's - the dudes like Frank Thomas and Alex Rodriguez - who will hit something like .143 and say something like: "Well, I'm just working on bat speed", or "I'm just trying to see the ball," and then the season starts and it's; "Hall of Fame Bound" being mentioned before, during and after each at-bat they have? Baseball is incomparable to any other sport. For one thing, baseball is harder than any of the big four sports, (Baseball, Basketball, Football, Hockey) and almost as frustrating as Soccer,(which is a very tough, athletic sport that very few Americans give a damn about, myself included.) Some of the most nonathletic looking "Athletes" have dominated baseball for stretches of time that makes an outsider think that anyone can play the game. Well, anyone who is physically able can play baseball, the question becomes more about playing the game with near-perfection - something you will only see consistently in the Major Leagues... Unless you are a Giants or A's fan. The Giants are what baseball aficionados call "Horseshit" as far as projected offense goes, and the A's are not much better. Both teams are actually going into the season touting their pitching staffs as a strength. These claims are only somewhat laughable in Giants case - they are bringing back some pretty good pitchers, (Matt Cain, Tim Lincecum) but they lost Noah Lowry to an arm injury, Barry Zito is getting smoked and their bullpen closer situation is at best unestablished, and at worst: Horseshit also. Now, Oakland's claim that pitching is their strength is laughable because; 1) the A's don't have any strengths - they traded them all away; B) The pitching probably will be the strength anyway; and III) Revenue sharing will still reward Bean for putting out a shit product. If you like young, raw and unproven talent to root for in your favorite teams' colors - and pretend that your squad will duplicate the Colorado Rockies and Arizona Diamondbacks successes of last year - then you are going to be excited and a-rarin' ta go, cuz' that's what Brian Sabean and Billy Bean are presenting us with in the Bay Area this year. The Giants new motto "All out, All the Time", is not only a swipe at Barry Bonds, but absolutely is the only formula that will allow them to compete for the post season in the National League West. The A's... Well, maybe next year.



Sllaacs 2008 Predicted order of Finish for the S.F. Giants and Oakland Athletics respective Divisions:


American League West: W-L

California Angels 104-58
Seattle Mariners 85-77
Texas Rangers 83-79
Oakland Athletics 76-86


National League West: W-L


Arizona Diamondbacks 92 - 70
Colorado Rockies 90 - 72
San Diego Padres 88 - 74
San Francisco Giants 71-91

Amarillo Showers

Last night, my host Joe Nate decided we needed to go to the liquor store and get some Disaronno. So we drove over to Western Beverages. We walk into the store and it must have been kind of slow because we got some excellent customer service from the guys working there. "Can we help you find something?" "Yeah," Said Joe Nate. "Do you have Disaronno?" "Sure, right over there," said the other one and went to get it. I grabbed a twelver of Pabst out of the cooler and put in on the counter where the other guy says, "I was at the bar the other night, and this dude was drinking amaretto sours all night. By the end of the night he was asking for 'amarillo showers.' I told him, 'buddy, that's some R. Kelly shit right there.' Because you know, that's just fucked up, amarillo showers."

At first I thought this was just some regional joshing, that maybe people down in this part of Texas like to bust on people from Amarillo. But then I remembered from my 4 semesters of high school Spanish that "amarillo" means "yellow."

R. Kelly, indeed.

Daunte's Revenge, Numero Dos: John's Picks

I'm about to get on a plane for Texas, which is now the official CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY vacation destination of choice.

Anyway, Tampa rolls ATL 20-6, the newly-healthy Rams destroy the 49ers 31-3 after Nolan finally turns his best offensive weapon, Joe Nedney, loose.

I know I said last week I was never picking the Raiders again, but then two things happened: Adrian Peterson and Josh McCown both got hurt--although it looks like Daunte may have been starting anyway. Daunte leads the Raiders to a victory in the Humphrey Dome, only this time instead of pointing to his knee and flashing the OK sign after scoring, he pretends to row a boat.