A word about JASR - And then the picks.

Now that the Main Stream Media have made the connection, I would like to reinforce my own stance on JaAlex SmiRussell - or JASR, for short. Sllaacs feels no satisfaction in this, only a slight vindication, for Alex Smith.

Alex Smith has been correctly labelled a BUST, but that label should have an asterisk, that says: "The San Francisco Forty-Niners totally messed up this kids' career, see 'Nolan, Mike' for further details."

The same can be said JASR - he is a victim of a crummy owner, coaching staff and team, and much like Alex Smith - he is no Archie Manning. He needs some semblance of a coaching staff and supporting cast on his team for him to succeed. There is nothing wrong with JASR physically; he can make all the plays, but he must be properly guided in how to be a QB. In the old days, JASR and Alex Smith would have sat the bench for at least one full season and carried a clipboard while a veteran QB showed him how it was done. The success of Peyton Manning and a few other great QB's coming right in and starting, along with media pressure due to the Number One Overall Pick status of both JaMarcus and Alex, led two weak ownership's to rush the young players into games, before any kind of team stability or structure had been achieved. When I see JASR, I just feel sad, and I feel a slight vindication for Alex, because the same thing that happened to him, has happened to JASR. Now, all the Raiders fans need is for Cable to call JASR a pussy and JASR to go into a game and injure himself further. Then he and Alex will be damn-near twins. The Ebony and Ivory Quarterbacks, underneath the heading: Ruined #1 Overall Picks by Bay Area NFL teams.

What should irk Raiders fans the most: Didn't Big Al take at least one look across the Bay over the last 4 years and get a smidgen of an idea of the horrible job Nolan and the Yorks were doing with Alex Smith? Guess not, since he's doing nearly the exact same thing with JASR. Or at least, allowing it to happen.

Picks:

San Franciso @ Miami:

The Dolphins are good. Better than Buffalo? Yes. Better than the Bretts? I don't know. Better than the Forty-Niners? The Mike Singletary-led Forty-Niners? Probably. But I am going to go with my squad this week, hoping not to jinx them. They went to New York and won, so I will pick the Forty-Niners to go into Florida now and come back with another win. San Francisco over the Dolphins 17-10.

New England @ Oakland:

The Raiders will lose this one. Why, you might ask, am I so sure? Because the Raiders are Blue Shit Water, that's why. But more than that, the Raider ALWAYS FOLD IN BIG GAMES. And this is a big game - for Randy Moss. He wants to come in and go off on the Raiders. And he will. Nmandi is quite the baller, and even if he does shut down Moss, Randy will be leaving with the win and the thought that success in the playoffs is a realistic goal. New England over the Raiders, 38-22.

Green Bay @ Jacksonville:

Who would have thought, after week 8 that the Niners would be challenging the Packers for "Better Record". Quite the tumble for the Cheese Heads. They went from: "We Need Favre!" to: "We got Rodgers!" to: "Who are we gonna draft next year?"  Expect the Packers to keep losing. The Jacksonville Jaguars will beat Green Bay 23-16, in a "Depresser".

N.Y. Giants @ Dallas:

This is the only compelling game of the week, in Sllaacs opinion. Should be a good game, with N.Y. having the shine slapped off their asses by McNabb and Co. and Pittsburgh callin' it a comeback against Dallas last week, even though they been here for years, rocking their peers, putting suckers in fear - making their tears rain down like a mon-soon... But I digress, (Go L.L, go L.L!). N.Y. will slap down Romo and T.O. Giants over Cowboys, 27-17.

"...don't ever compare me to rest who are all being sliced and diced..."

P.S.  You gotta love LL Cool J.  "Momma said knock you out", but she also said "Todd, take out the garbage."

Sllaacs

John's Picks

I'm looking forward to this weekend's games. On Saturday, I'll be watching the games with my attorney. Not because I've been arrested or sued or anything, but the Professor owes me a boys day out, and I'm going to take advantage. I expect there will be many frosty beverages consumed, along with a fair amount of unhealthy, delicious foods.

Seattle at Green Bay. I know everyone brings this up, but remember a couple/three years when the game went to overtime, and Seattle won the toss, and Matt Hasselbeck said, "We want the ball, and we're gonna score!" and then he threw an INT that got returned for a Touchdown? What a douchebag. Add his douche-iness to the fact that Shaun Alexander will sitting on the sidelines nursing his sore vagina, and the Packers romp, 34-21.

In the night game, the Patriots play the Jaguars. A lot is being said about the Jaguars' running game, and how it will keep the Pats off the field. And it could. But they're not going to hit Tom Brady like they hit Big Ben last week. I hate to say it but the Patriots are going to win by a lot of points. Probably like 38-17. That's 21 points.

As for Sunday's games, I will be watching them at the hoose with my good friend Chris from the Daily Chuppler. He hearts beer as much as I do, so that could be fun.

Norv's Dischargers are getting straight smoked in Indy. I think this will be the most lopsided game of the weekend. In the past, I'd never found San Diego to be as offensive as Denver or Kansas City. Philip Rivers is a jagoff. And if I hear one more person tell me how classy Ladanian Tomlinson is, I may lose control of my bowels. Would someone with class steal Lawrence Taylor's nickname as if he #56 from the Giants had never existed? Of course not. I don't need to read this off of a teleprompter:

Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Colts win 57-0.

Cowboys vs. Giants. This is the best matchup of the weekend. I'm excited for this game. Dallas has won both of the earlier matchups, but since playing New England on the last game of the season, the Giants are hot. They destroyed Goldmember last week. As for Tony Romo, I know the Professor is pumped up for this game. What I want to know is, what's up with Terry Bradshaw hopping on the T.O. Cock Blocker bandwagon? And I don't care that if Bill Parcells was the coach last year, he'd have never gone down to Mexico like that. I personally think Parcells is overrated. He had the Real LT (OGLT?). Anyway, I like NY's chances, but I still think Dallas squeaks this game out, maybe even in OT, in a pretty high scoring, exciting game. 31-29, Cowboys.

Sllaacs Divisional Picks

Via email this morning, with the heading "Playoffs:"

So here we are, second weekend of the playoffs. With no further ado:

Of course I'm taking Green Bay over Seattle, like I said last week: Seattle sucks. 35-34 G.B.

New England @ Jacksonville. Ugh... I do not like the Patsy's. 42 - 10 New England.

Indy vs. San Diego - Indy is the last real chance for the Patsy's to be stopped. Colts over the Chargers 28-17.

Dallas vs. Giants should be the best matchup of the weekend. I actually want to see Eli do well; hell he has done well - this will be his third straight season in the playoffs. Maybe Eli is better than I think. The Giants do have that super D - rush, and T.O. is supposed to be ailing. Anyhow, I will go with what should always be the most hated team in sports: the Dallas Cowboys, 30-16.

Year of the Tiger:

Sousa is guilty of taunting that Tiger - I was born in the Year of the Tiger - and he got a little more than what he deserved. To see some examples of the "Wild" getting revenge against Humans, download "When Animals Attack" and you will see some us get our come-uppance from the animals that we captured and then gawked at like idiots. The saddest part of the whole thing is that the Tiger did not deserve to go out like that, at the hands of a police firing squad, and all because some idiot Raiders fans had to go sling-shotting the captive animal.

Mrs. Sousa (seriously, no relation; please stop asking) says the Dhaliwal brothers told her they didn't sling-shot the tiger.

John's Picks

I got an email from my attorney, Nappy McBigtoe, threatening to renounce baseball after Billy Beane traded Nick Swisher yesterday. To quote my mother-in-law, "God Damn It." That pretty much sums up the feeling today for those of us who root for McAfee Coliseum's other team.

Anyway, Sllaacs, also a huge A's fan (weird thing about the Bay Area that there a lot of A's/Niners fans and Giants/Raiders fans), is trying to talk me out of it, but I'm also thinking of Renouncing Baseball.

Anyway, this weeks picks:

The Giants beat Tampa Bay, which will expedite the hiring of Raheem Morris as the Raiders new defensive coordinator. (UPDATE: Or not.)

Seattle beats Washington. They just don't lose at home, even if they had to pay Texas A&M when they ripped off the "12th Man."

Even though they're a different species of big ass cat, the Steelers are about to get roy'd at home this weekend. I saw what that defense did against the JaMarcus Russell and the Raiders juggernaut...er...anyway, they're really good. So is the Jaguars running game. You can read that anywhere. Even Nancy Gay agrees they can run the ball.

Finally, Norv and the Dischargers vs. the Titans. Let's just say I hope Albert Haynesworth steps on Philip Rivers' head with his cleats, cutting that smug smirk off right off of it. I really hate them now. But they probably win this week, considering they're most likely going to face Kerry Collins.

Playoffs!? Sllaacs Picks Every Game

Got an email this morning from Sllaacs:

So it's playoff time, my squad - the San Francisco Shay-Heezies are home watching - I would think. I mean, those losers should be watching players who have experienced success in order to motivate thier asses to improve in the off season. At least the Niners are a young team, if no longer a Bryant Young team.

Playoff picks:

I'm picking Washington to go into Seattle and beat the Seahawks asses, 20-6. Because Seattle sucks.

Jacksonville at Pitt looks like a good matchup. I will take the Steelers at home 35-17.

N.Y. Giants vs the Tampa Bay Garcias. Of course I'm taking Gruden and Goldmember at home against Eli; the Manning who sucks. 24 - 17 Bucs.

It would be nice to see Tennessee beat the Chargers, but it won't happen. San Diego will win easily 30 - 16.

As for the recently completed S.F. Forty-Niners season:

The defense played well overall with a few standouts - Patick Willis, of course resembled a young Ray Lewis while leading the NFL in tackles. Nate Clements lived up to his hype, and Bryant Young polished off a career as one of the best interior D-linemen in NFL history.

The offense... They were hurt by the loss of Norv Turner as OC - no doubt. Rookie Joe Staley started all 16 games (acquired last year from the Patriots for this years #1 pick). Gore managed 1100 rushing yards. The punter punted 105 times. 105 punts, in one season. Uno-Cero-Cinco. Cientocinco. 4,968 punt yards. Think about that Raider fan. Revel in it; laugh out loud about it. The Niners used four quarterbacks to start games this year, including the great Chris Weinke - rhymes with 'stinky'.

The Niners still won more games than your team did. If you look at the scores in some of the losses, a true fan could even rationalize that with a competent QB all year 7 wins could have easily happened. I point will point out three winnable games: vs. Baltimore 9-7, vs. ATL 20-16, and losing to the fucking Rams in S.F. 13-9. Dante Culpepper could have won those games for the Niners.

Alex Smith gets a Mulligan; he got hurt on national television for all to see, he said he was hurt, threw like he was hurt, had surgery like he was hurt. QB competion in camp is welcome. This Niner fan will just see what happens, eat my cheese, drink my wine and see what the first four games of next season brings. Then I will choose a proper emotion.


Sllaacs

John's Picks

Okay.

Sllaacs is eating retard samiches if he thinks Miami is beating New England today. It's just not happening. If that happens, I will head straight out and buy all the canned food and bottled water I can fit in my car, and then I'll go to the local Ted Nugent Outlet Store purchase a survival suit and an assault rifle. Because the apocalypse is coming.

Jeff Garcia gets his revenge on the Yorks. Shaun Hill shows why he was third string.

The Raiders? I don't even know. McCown's starting, but they say Jammy might finish. Kiffin may take the training wheels off, leading to start next week against Norv and HGH crew.

Aww, screw it. Raiders win, 21-20, with Jammy leading a two-minute drill, game-winning drive so spectacular he solidifies himself as the franchise, and we don't see McCown again until preseason.