John's Picks

I'm looking forward to this weekend's games. On Saturday, I'll be watching the games with my attorney. Not because I've been arrested or sued or anything, but the Professor owes me a boys day out, and I'm going to take advantage. I expect there will be many frosty beverages consumed, along with a fair amount of unhealthy, delicious foods.

Seattle at Green Bay. I know everyone brings this up, but remember a couple/three years when the game went to overtime, and Seattle won the toss, and Matt Hasselbeck said, "We want the ball, and we're gonna score!" and then he threw an INT that got returned for a Touchdown? What a douchebag. Add his douche-iness to the fact that Shaun Alexander will sitting on the sidelines nursing his sore vagina, and the Packers romp, 34-21.

In the night game, the Patriots play the Jaguars. A lot is being said about the Jaguars' running game, and how it will keep the Pats off the field. And it could. But they're not going to hit Tom Brady like they hit Big Ben last week. I hate to say it but the Patriots are going to win by a lot of points. Probably like 38-17. That's 21 points.

As for Sunday's games, I will be watching them at the hoose with my good friend Chris from the Daily Chuppler. He hearts beer as much as I do, so that could be fun.

Norv's Dischargers are getting straight smoked in Indy. I think this will be the most lopsided game of the weekend. In the past, I'd never found San Diego to be as offensive as Denver or Kansas City. Philip Rivers is a jagoff. And if I hear one more person tell me how classy Ladanian Tomlinson is, I may lose control of my bowels. Would someone with class steal Lawrence Taylor's nickname as if he #56 from the Giants had never existed? Of course not. I don't need to read this off of a teleprompter:

Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Colts win 57-0.

Cowboys vs. Giants. This is the best matchup of the weekend. I'm excited for this game. Dallas has won both of the earlier matchups, but since playing New England on the last game of the season, the Giants are hot. They destroyed Goldmember last week. As for Tony Romo, I know the Professor is pumped up for this game. What I want to know is, what's up with Terry Bradshaw hopping on the T.O. Cock Blocker bandwagon? And I don't care that if Bill Parcells was the coach last year, he'd have never gone down to Mexico like that. I personally think Parcells is overrated. He had the Real LT (OGLT?). Anyway, I like NY's chances, but I still think Dallas squeaks this game out, maybe even in OT, in a pretty high scoring, exciting game. 31-29, Cowboys.