A word about JASR - And then the picks.

Now that the Main Stream Media have made the connection, I would like to reinforce my own stance on JaAlex SmiRussell - or JASR, for short. Sllaacs feels no satisfaction in this, only a slight vindication, for Alex Smith.

Alex Smith has been correctly labelled a BUST, but that label should have an asterisk, that says: "The San Francisco Forty-Niners totally messed up this kids' career, see 'Nolan, Mike' for further details."

The same can be said JASR - he is a victim of a crummy owner, coaching staff and team, and much like Alex Smith - he is no Archie Manning. He needs some semblance of a coaching staff and supporting cast on his team for him to succeed. There is nothing wrong with JASR physically; he can make all the plays, but he must be properly guided in how to be a QB. In the old days, JASR and Alex Smith would have sat the bench for at least one full season and carried a clipboard while a veteran QB showed him how it was done. The success of Peyton Manning and a few other great QB's coming right in and starting, along with media pressure due to the Number One Overall Pick status of both JaMarcus and Alex, led two weak ownership's to rush the young players into games, before any kind of team stability or structure had been achieved. When I see JASR, I just feel sad, and I feel a slight vindication for Alex, because the same thing that happened to him, has happened to JASR. Now, all the Raiders fans need is for Cable to call JASR a pussy and JASR to go into a game and injure himself further. Then he and Alex will be damn-near twins. The Ebony and Ivory Quarterbacks, underneath the heading: Ruined #1 Overall Picks by Bay Area NFL teams.

What should irk Raiders fans the most: Didn't Big Al take at least one look across the Bay over the last 4 years and get a smidgen of an idea of the horrible job Nolan and the Yorks were doing with Alex Smith? Guess not, since he's doing nearly the exact same thing with JASR. Or at least, allowing it to happen.

Picks:

San Franciso @ Miami:

The Dolphins are good. Better than Buffalo? Yes. Better than the Bretts? I don't know. Better than the Forty-Niners? The Mike Singletary-led Forty-Niners? Probably. But I am going to go with my squad this week, hoping not to jinx them. They went to New York and won, so I will pick the Forty-Niners to go into Florida now and come back with another win. San Francisco over the Dolphins 17-10.

New England @ Oakland:

The Raiders will lose this one. Why, you might ask, am I so sure? Because the Raiders are Blue Shit Water, that's why. But more than that, the Raider ALWAYS FOLD IN BIG GAMES. And this is a big game - for Randy Moss. He wants to come in and go off on the Raiders. And he will. Nmandi is quite the baller, and even if he does shut down Moss, Randy will be leaving with the win and the thought that success in the playoffs is a realistic goal. New England over the Raiders, 38-22.

Green Bay @ Jacksonville:

Who would have thought, after week 8 that the Niners would be challenging the Packers for "Better Record". Quite the tumble for the Cheese Heads. They went from: "We Need Favre!" to: "We got Rodgers!" to: "Who are we gonna draft next year?"  Expect the Packers to keep losing. The Jacksonville Jaguars will beat Green Bay 23-16, in a "Depresser".

N.Y. Giants @ Dallas:

This is the only compelling game of the week, in Sllaacs opinion. Should be a good game, with N.Y. having the shine slapped off their asses by McNabb and Co. and Pittsburgh callin' it a comeback against Dallas last week, even though they been here for years, rocking their peers, putting suckers in fear - making their tears rain down like a mon-soon... But I digress, (Go L.L, go L.L!). N.Y. will slap down Romo and T.O. Giants over Cowboys, 27-17.

"...don't ever compare me to rest who are all being sliced and diced..."

P.S.  You gotta love LL Cool J.  "Momma said knock you out", but she also said "Todd, take out the garbage."

Sllaacs

John's Picks

Since Sllaacs is apparently out making it safe for white folks to vote against Obama without feeling that twinge of white guilt, and therefore Sllaaccing on making the picks (Probably because the 49ers have a bye, and oh yes, that was a pun), here we go*.

Raiders vs. Falcons: You know, I was kind of back to feeling like we really, really suck, and that I should never, ever pick the Raiders to win a game. Plus, Michael Turner is on my fantasy squad, and given our difficulty stopping the run, I feel like I'm kind of guaranteed a big day there. But then again, JaMarcus has been sharp at home, as have the Raiders generally other than the first game. And seeing as we have the best defense in the AFC West, and DeAngelo Hall is fired up to face his old team, we can't lose. But that doesn't mean we're going to win, either. Tie Game, 20-20.

Green Bay vs. Tennessee: Aaron Rodgers got a contract extension. Maybe he'll lose all of his motivation. Tennessee has an awesome defense and Kerry Collins at QB, and in spite of that fact is undefeated. I like the Packers in this game, on the Road. 27-21.

Dallas vs. New York Football Giants: My buddy Todd is in New Jersey for this game. He's a Cowboys (and RomoSexual, like the Professor), and his girlfriend Adi has an inexplicable crush on Eli Manning. Well, Jessica's Boyfriend is not playing, and the Giants are good. I like the Giants, 27-17.

Washington vs. Pittsburg. Game of the week, easily. 5-2 vs. 6-2, in a game that may or may not have electoral implications. Berman is interviewing both McCain and Obama at halftime. Hopefully nobody will walk in front of the camera. I like the Steelers in this game, especially if Santana Moss doesn't play. 21-17.


*That's not really Sllaacs. It just kinda looks like him.

John's Picks

The Professor is in Utah for the Western History Association conference. So I spent last night taking people's money in poker and then drinking at the Broken Record. I'm a little hungover, but not terribly, because I took Chaser. It works.

The Raiders will win today, 24-13. I'm just feeling it, even though McFadden is out. But the Ravens are missing their Corners, starting Fabian "I partied too much in Oakland" Washington. I like JaMarcus and Javon to continue what they started last week, especially against the wrecked-up secondary of the Ravens.

Giants, 21-20.

Bucs over Cowboys.

49ers over Seahawks, who are TERRIBLE.

Rex Sets Us Back; John's Picks

Picked up an SF Weekly to read while I was having lunch today, and turned to the cover story about two homeless junkies who go to SF State. "Oh, this seems interesting," I said to myself and then opened to page 11 where there was a full page picture of Rex getting ready to cook up, holding his cell phone between his teeth. On his cell phone is a sticker: A Raiders shield.I'm starting to understand how the Cavemen feel every time they see a GEICO ad. First tigers, now junkies. I'm getting sick of how the media portrays us.Anyway, on to this weeks picks, courtesy of Sllaacs Brand HaterAde:I like the Cowboys as well. Just as an aside, punk ass DeSean Jackson cost me a bunch of fantasy points by throwing the ball away before he crossed the plane of the goal line the other night. Not because I have him, but because I have Donovan McNabb. Instead of a touchdown pass, McNabb handed the ball to Westbrook who got a rushing TD. Knock that shit off, DeSean. Cowboys win a close one, 31-28.I agree with Sllaacs that Detroit sucks balls, too. 49ers win 13-12, all defensive touchdowns and field goals.Ah, the Raiders. Who knows at this point. Bufalo is alledgedly pretty good, and our top two running backs are injured. So we lose, again, 36-14. Only Kiffin isn't fired; instead the Raiders pass out Nancy Gay's Monday column dissing Kiffin's playcalling to the media before Norv Turner's conference call.

P.S.: Mike Lombardi is on the BS Report today. They get into the Raiders situation about the 21 or 22 minute mark. Interesting tidbit: he blames the Tampa Blowout in Super Bowl XXXVII in part on only having 1 week between the championship round and the Super Bowl instead of the usual two. He also jokes that they would hope Al's players would get hurt so they could get them out of there and play the guys they wanted because it made them better. He also says Lance had no chance, because A.) he was a college CO-offensive coordinator with no NFL experience and B.) the Raiders are the weirdest organization in sports, and have been weird since Barrett went missing in TJ.

Still in the Top 10

ESPN.com Page 2 has a ranking, 1-32, of all NFL Franchises since the NFL-AFL merger in 1970.

The Raiders come in at #6, just behind the Donkeys. Sllaacs Niners are #3 behind Dallas (1) and Pittsbugh (2). This is mostly because they were so dominant in the 70s and early-80s.

We crush dobolina's Packers, though, who come in at #14.

Week 2 Picks: Sllaacs Didn't get the Memo

The fourth game is supposed to whoever is playing the Packers, in honor of occasional poster dobolina.

So let's do five games:

If you've been reading me at all this week, you know I'm picking the Chiefs. 31-10.

The 49ers will lose, but it will be close. Seattle sucks, and I like 49ers D. Maybe if Mike Nolan gets fired, Al can pull a reverse-Norv and hire him to be his defensive coordinator. But probably not, because he doesn't hire good defensive coaches, because he coaches the D himself. 13-10.

Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland: I like the Steelers. 31-17.

Dallas vs. Philly on Monday night. Now, here's a football game. Donovan is my fantasy quarterback; I lucked into him when I forgot to login to the live draft and my computer drafted him for me. He then lit up the Rams for 363 and 3 TDs. The Cowboys are not the Lambs, obviously. But I'm going with Dallas, breaking in a new Stadium. I wonder if Jerry Jones got a new 12-person hot tub shaped like Texas Stadium.

Packers vs. Detroit. The Lions suck. Along with the Rams, they're the only other team ranked lower than the Raiders on ESPN.com's Week 2 Power rankings. Packers, 27-7.

John's Picks

I'm looking forward to this weekend's games. On Saturday, I'll be watching the games with my attorney. Not because I've been arrested or sued or anything, but the Professor owes me a boys day out, and I'm going to take advantage. I expect there will be many frosty beverages consumed, along with a fair amount of unhealthy, delicious foods.

Seattle at Green Bay. I know everyone brings this up, but remember a couple/three years when the game went to overtime, and Seattle won the toss, and Matt Hasselbeck said, "We want the ball, and we're gonna score!" and then he threw an INT that got returned for a Touchdown? What a douchebag. Add his douche-iness to the fact that Shaun Alexander will sitting on the sidelines nursing his sore vagina, and the Packers romp, 34-21.

In the night game, the Patriots play the Jaguars. A lot is being said about the Jaguars' running game, and how it will keep the Pats off the field. And it could. But they're not going to hit Tom Brady like they hit Big Ben last week. I hate to say it but the Patriots are going to win by a lot of points. Probably like 38-17. That's 21 points.

As for Sunday's games, I will be watching them at the hoose with my good friend Chris from the Daily Chuppler. He hearts beer as much as I do, so that could be fun.

Norv's Dischargers are getting straight smoked in Indy. I think this will be the most lopsided game of the weekend. In the past, I'd never found San Diego to be as offensive as Denver or Kansas City. Philip Rivers is a jagoff. And if I hear one more person tell me how classy Ladanian Tomlinson is, I may lose control of my bowels. Would someone with class steal Lawrence Taylor's nickname as if he #56 from the Giants had never existed? Of course not. I don't need to read this off of a teleprompter:

Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Colts win 57-0.

Cowboys vs. Giants. This is the best matchup of the weekend. I'm excited for this game. Dallas has won both of the earlier matchups, but since playing New England on the last game of the season, the Giants are hot. They destroyed Goldmember last week. As for Tony Romo, I know the Professor is pumped up for this game. What I want to know is, what's up with Terry Bradshaw hopping on the T.O. Cock Blocker bandwagon? And I don't care that if Bill Parcells was the coach last year, he'd have never gone down to Mexico like that. I personally think Parcells is overrated. He had the Real LT (OGLT?). Anyway, I like NY's chances, but I still think Dallas squeaks this game out, maybe even in OT, in a pretty high scoring, exciting game. 31-29, Cowboys.

Sllaacs Divisional Picks

Via email this morning, with the heading "Playoffs:"

So here we are, second weekend of the playoffs. With no further ado:

Of course I'm taking Green Bay over Seattle, like I said last week: Seattle sucks. 35-34 G.B.

New England @ Jacksonville. Ugh... I do not like the Patsy's. 42 - 10 New England.

Indy vs. San Diego - Indy is the last real chance for the Patsy's to be stopped. Colts over the Chargers 28-17.

Dallas vs. Giants should be the best matchup of the weekend. I actually want to see Eli do well; hell he has done well - this will be his third straight season in the playoffs. Maybe Eli is better than I think. The Giants do have that super D - rush, and T.O. is supposed to be ailing. Anyhow, I will go with what should always be the most hated team in sports: the Dallas Cowboys, 30-16.

Year of the Tiger:

Sousa is guilty of taunting that Tiger - I was born in the Year of the Tiger - and he got a little more than what he deserved. To see some examples of the "Wild" getting revenge against Humans, download "When Animals Attack" and you will see some us get our come-uppance from the animals that we captured and then gawked at like idiots. The saddest part of the whole thing is that the Tiger did not deserve to go out like that, at the hands of a police firing squad, and all because some idiot Raiders fans had to go sling-shotting the captive animal.

Mrs. Sousa (seriously, no relation; please stop asking) says the Dhaliwal brothers told her they didn't sling-shot the tiger.

John's Picks

I'm going with the Cowboys tonight. I would like to see a New England/Green Bay matchup in the SuperBowl, though, if only to see Charles Woodson matched up against Randy Moss in a battle of formerly disgruntled Raiders. Remember the game in 2003 when Wood shut him down? That was a serious matchup. But Charles might not play tonight against TO, which is a huge advantage to Romo.



I should also mention that the Professor is a huge Romosexual.

I'm feeling pretty postive about our local teams' chances this week. Carolina Sucks. GreenBalls is like 64 years old. Dilfer has a nice goatee. Niners win, 20-13. Unless someone smack-talks Steve Smith.

As I said before, I will be in the House (somebody REALLY needs to get Britney Spears out of the Flash Player rotation) this Sunday for the first time since 2004. Interestingly enough, that game was also against the Broncos. We got smoked.

Not this time. We're building momentum after the huge win in KC. Raiders 24, Donkeys 20.

I also predict that I will drink a lot of beers in the parking lot Sunday Morning.