Detroit is Better than the Raiders, WTF?

Look, the CLOAK knows the Raiders suck. Okay? If you could see my iPhone right now, you'd see a poem of despair written in text messages between Dan and Me.

But some guy named Tim Parent wrote an article on the Bleacher Report arguing that the Detroit Lions, currently 0-13, are a better team than the Raiders.

He admits that while his argument is stupid, because the Raiders have 3 games to the Lions 0, that nevertheless you can deduce the Lions are the better because the gain more yards, score more points, and, well, let's let Mr. Parent tell it in his own words:

Let's put the numbers aside and level the playing field with the one game element that can not be calculated using statistics—heart. It's the one thing every NFL team must have in order for all of this to mean something. If you're missing that, don't even bother showing up.

This is where Detroit manhandles Oakland.

His evidence? Rudi Johnson's blog on the team website (which Parent neglects to link to, so I had to look it up myself), where it was transcribed, "But now, it’s like crunch time when we run out of options and run out of time now. So we have to make something happen like right now and teams aren’t letting us do that the easy way." Actually, Parent paraphrases this.

Look, as a Raiders fan, I'm embarrassed that the Raiders at the end of their 6th straight season with at least 10 losses. It's unacceptable that the team of Ken Stabler, Jim Otto, John Madden, Jim Plunket, Fred Belitnikoff, Howie Long, etc etc etc is now mentioned in the same breath with a team like the Detroit Lions, who have none of that history despite being almost 30 years older than the Raiders as a franchise.

But Parent's argument is just plain retarded.

Also, ask yourself, if, as the parent of a young child, you saw some asshole dressed like he's dressed, and doing what he's doing, on your child's playground.

I mean, it's not that complicated. I bet even Al Davis could figure that one out.

Rex Sets Us Back; John's Picks

Picked up an SF Weekly to read while I was having lunch today, and turned to the cover story about two homeless junkies who go to SF State. "Oh, this seems interesting," I said to myself and then opened to page 11 where there was a full page picture of Rex getting ready to cook up, holding his cell phone between his teeth. On his cell phone is a sticker: A Raiders shield.I'm starting to understand how the Cavemen feel every time they see a GEICO ad. First tigers, now junkies. I'm getting sick of how the media portrays us.Anyway, on to this weeks picks, courtesy of Sllaacs Brand HaterAde:I like the Cowboys as well. Just as an aside, punk ass DeSean Jackson cost me a bunch of fantasy points by throwing the ball away before he crossed the plane of the goal line the other night. Not because I have him, but because I have Donovan McNabb. Instead of a touchdown pass, McNabb handed the ball to Westbrook who got a rushing TD. Knock that shit off, DeSean. Cowboys win a close one, 31-28.I agree with Sllaacs that Detroit sucks balls, too. 49ers win 13-12, all defensive touchdowns and field goals.Ah, the Raiders. Who knows at this point. Bufalo is alledgedly pretty good, and our top two running backs are injured. So we lose, again, 36-14. Only Kiffin isn't fired; instead the Raiders pass out Nancy Gay's Monday column dissing Kiffin's playcalling to the media before Norv Turner's conference call.

P.S.: Mike Lombardi is on the BS Report today. They get into the Raiders situation about the 21 or 22 minute mark. Interesting tidbit: he blames the Tampa Blowout in Super Bowl XXXVII in part on only having 1 week between the championship round and the Super Bowl instead of the usual two. He also jokes that they would hope Al's players would get hurt so they could get them out of there and play the guys they wanted because it made them better. He also says Lance had no chance, because A.) he was a college CO-offensive coordinator with no NFL experience and B.) the Raiders are the weirdest organization in sports, and have been weird since Barrett went missing in TJ.

Week 2 Picks: Sllaacs Didn't get the Memo

The fourth game is supposed to whoever is playing the Packers, in honor of occasional poster dobolina.

So let's do five games:

If you've been reading me at all this week, you know I'm picking the Chiefs. 31-10.

The 49ers will lose, but it will be close. Seattle sucks, and I like 49ers D. Maybe if Mike Nolan gets fired, Al can pull a reverse-Norv and hire him to be his defensive coordinator. But probably not, because he doesn't hire good defensive coaches, because he coaches the D himself. 13-10.

Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland: I like the Steelers. 31-17.

Dallas vs. Philly on Monday night. Now, here's a football game. Donovan is my fantasy quarterback; I lucked into him when I forgot to login to the live draft and my computer drafted him for me. He then lit up the Rams for 363 and 3 TDs. The Cowboys are not the Lambs, obviously. But I'm going with Dallas, breaking in a new Stadium. I wonder if Jerry Jones got a new 12-person hot tub shaped like Texas Stadium.

Packers vs. Detroit. The Lions suck. Along with the Rams, they're the only other team ranked lower than the Raiders on ESPN.com's Week 2 Power rankings. Packers, 27-7.