On Nnamdi

Old news in so many ways, but I feel somehow relieved that Nnamdi had so much to say about the Raiders' simple defense (via Jerry, David White's blog and article, Guttierez, and even the Associated Press). This was my point #2 on what we've learned about the Raiders' systemic dysfunction over the years. Despite some excellent defensive performances from time to time, this is ultimately what gives the Raiders little chance of winning with any consistency.

JaMarcus has been a disaster. DHB is even worse than we expected he'd be. But this defense - having filled some important holes with the likes of Richard Seymour and Tyvon Branch - continues to fail. That's what I'd put on a billboard: "Mr. Davis, do the right thing. Give your defensive coordinator an opportunity to do his job."

Fittingly, we get to watch Pittsburgh this week, a team who drove quite a bit of innovation in pressure schemes while absolutely stuffing the run in recent years. Oh yeah, and they've won some more Super Bowls, too.

John's Picks

Since Sllaacs is apparently out making it safe for white folks to vote against Obama without feeling that twinge of white guilt, and therefore Sllaaccing on making the picks (Probably because the 49ers have a bye, and oh yes, that was a pun), here we go*.

Raiders vs. Falcons: You know, I was kind of back to feeling like we really, really suck, and that I should never, ever pick the Raiders to win a game. Plus, Michael Turner is on my fantasy squad, and given our difficulty stopping the run, I feel like I'm kind of guaranteed a big day there. But then again, JaMarcus has been sharp at home, as have the Raiders generally other than the first game. And seeing as we have the best defense in the AFC West, and DeAngelo Hall is fired up to face his old team, we can't lose. But that doesn't mean we're going to win, either. Tie Game, 20-20.

Green Bay vs. Tennessee: Aaron Rodgers got a contract extension. Maybe he'll lose all of his motivation. Tennessee has an awesome defense and Kerry Collins at QB, and in spite of that fact is undefeated. I like the Packers in this game, on the Road. 27-21.

Dallas vs. New York Football Giants: My buddy Todd is in New Jersey for this game. He's a Cowboys (and RomoSexual, like the Professor), and his girlfriend Adi has an inexplicable crush on Eli Manning. Well, Jessica's Boyfriend is not playing, and the Giants are good. I like the Giants, 27-17.

Washington vs. Pittsburg. Game of the week, easily. 5-2 vs. 6-2, in a game that may or may not have electoral implications. Berman is interviewing both McCain and Obama at halftime. Hopefully nobody will walk in front of the camera. I like the Steelers in this game, especially if Santana Moss doesn't play. 21-17.


*That's not really Sllaacs. It just kinda looks like him.

John's Picks

The Professor is in Utah for the Western History Association conference. So I spent last night taking people's money in poker and then drinking at the Broken Record. I'm a little hungover, but not terribly, because I took Chaser. It works.

The Raiders will win today, 24-13. I'm just feeling it, even though McFadden is out. But the Ravens are missing their Corners, starting Fabian "I partied too much in Oakland" Washington. I like JaMarcus and Javon to continue what they started last week, especially against the wrecked-up secondary of the Ravens.

Giants, 21-20.

Bucs over Cowboys.

49ers over Seahawks, who are TERRIBLE.

Still in the Top 10

ESPN.com Page 2 has a ranking, 1-32, of all NFL Franchises since the NFL-AFL merger in 1970.

The Raiders come in at #6, just behind the Donkeys. Sllaacs Niners are #3 behind Dallas (1) and Pittsbugh (2). This is mostly because they were so dominant in the 70s and early-80s.

We crush dobolina's Packers, though, who come in at #14.

Week 2 Picks: Sllaacs Didn't get the Memo

The fourth game is supposed to whoever is playing the Packers, in honor of occasional poster dobolina.

So let's do five games:

If you've been reading me at all this week, you know I'm picking the Chiefs. 31-10.

The 49ers will lose, but it will be close. Seattle sucks, and I like 49ers D. Maybe if Mike Nolan gets fired, Al can pull a reverse-Norv and hire him to be his defensive coordinator. But probably not, because he doesn't hire good defensive coaches, because he coaches the D himself. 13-10.

Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland: I like the Steelers. 31-17.

Dallas vs. Philly on Monday night. Now, here's a football game. Donovan is my fantasy quarterback; I lucked into him when I forgot to login to the live draft and my computer drafted him for me. He then lit up the Rams for 363 and 3 TDs. The Cowboys are not the Lambs, obviously. But I'm going with Dallas, breaking in a new Stadium. I wonder if Jerry Jones got a new 12-person hot tub shaped like Texas Stadium.

Packers vs. Detroit. The Lions suck. Along with the Rams, they're the only other team ranked lower than the Raiders on ESPN.com's Week 2 Power rankings. Packers, 27-7.

John's Picks

I got an email from my attorney, Nappy McBigtoe, threatening to renounce baseball after Billy Beane traded Nick Swisher yesterday. To quote my mother-in-law, "God Damn It." That pretty much sums up the feeling today for those of us who root for McAfee Coliseum's other team.

Anyway, Sllaacs, also a huge A's fan (weird thing about the Bay Area that there a lot of A's/Niners fans and Giants/Raiders fans), is trying to talk me out of it, but I'm also thinking of Renouncing Baseball.

Anyway, this weeks picks:

The Giants beat Tampa Bay, which will expedite the hiring of Raheem Morris as the Raiders new defensive coordinator. (UPDATE: Or not.)

Seattle beats Washington. They just don't lose at home, even if they had to pay Texas A&M when they ripped off the "12th Man."

Even though they're a different species of big ass cat, the Steelers are about to get roy'd at home this weekend. I saw what that defense did against the JaMarcus Russell and the Raiders juggernaut...er...anyway, they're really good. So is the Jaguars running game. You can read that anywhere. Even Nancy Gay agrees they can run the ball.

Finally, Norv and the Dischargers vs. the Titans. Let's just say I hope Albert Haynesworth steps on Philip Rivers' head with his cleats, cutting that smug smirk off right off of it. I really hate them now. But they probably win this week, considering they're most likely going to face Kerry Collins.

Playoffs!? Sllaacs Picks Every Game

Got an email this morning from Sllaacs:

So it's playoff time, my squad - the San Francisco Shay-Heezies are home watching - I would think. I mean, those losers should be watching players who have experienced success in order to motivate thier asses to improve in the off season. At least the Niners are a young team, if no longer a Bryant Young team.

Playoff picks:

I'm picking Washington to go into Seattle and beat the Seahawks asses, 20-6. Because Seattle sucks.

Jacksonville at Pitt looks like a good matchup. I will take the Steelers at home 35-17.

N.Y. Giants vs the Tampa Bay Garcias. Of course I'm taking Gruden and Goldmember at home against Eli; the Manning who sucks. 24 - 17 Bucs.

It would be nice to see Tennessee beat the Chargers, but it won't happen. San Diego will win easily 30 - 16.

As for the recently completed S.F. Forty-Niners season:

The defense played well overall with a few standouts - Patick Willis, of course resembled a young Ray Lewis while leading the NFL in tackles. Nate Clements lived up to his hype, and Bryant Young polished off a career as one of the best interior D-linemen in NFL history.

The offense... They were hurt by the loss of Norv Turner as OC - no doubt. Rookie Joe Staley started all 16 games (acquired last year from the Patriots for this years #1 pick). Gore managed 1100 rushing yards. The punter punted 105 times. 105 punts, in one season. Uno-Cero-Cinco. Cientocinco. 4,968 punt yards. Think about that Raider fan. Revel in it; laugh out loud about it. The Niners used four quarterbacks to start games this year, including the great Chris Weinke - rhymes with 'stinky'.

The Niners still won more games than your team did. If you look at the scores in some of the losses, a true fan could even rationalize that with a competent QB all year 7 wins could have easily happened. I point will point out three winnable games: vs. Baltimore 9-7, vs. ATL 20-16, and losing to the fucking Rams in S.F. 13-9. Dante Culpepper could have won those games for the Niners.

Alex Smith gets a Mulligan; he got hurt on national television for all to see, he said he was hurt, threw like he was hurt, had surgery like he was hurt. QB competion in camp is welcome. This Niner fan will just see what happens, eat my cheese, drink my wine and see what the first four games of next season brings. Then I will choose a proper emotion.


Sllaacs

Week 14 Picks: Sllaacs gets Dilfered

This was waiting for me in the CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY inbox:

Yo,

So the niner fans got kind of Dilfer-ed last week against the Panthers. I mean, we HOPED the Niners would be who they were against the Cards, but... Who cares at this point? No #1 pick for SF, besides the one they got from the Colts last year - and that's not exactly exciting. The Niners will lose to the Vikings, I say by 10.
24-14 Minnesota.

Raiders vs. the Packers. This one is in Green Bay - the fucking Tundra. Forget about it, Fargas may find it hard to run in subzero temperatures, and Oakland may get blown out here. I'm picking the Pack 31 - 13.

Patriots vs. Steelers. Based on the last two weeks, I'm going to pick against the Patsy's here. NE barely won thier last two, and Pitt is better than the Eagles. I think Big Ben gets it done - 35-27.

Go Dilfer, it's ya birf-day, Go Dilfer, It's ya birf-day...

Sllaacs

I'll be back with my picks and a wrap-up from Sunday, which still has me wearing a smile.

The Inaugural CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY Nancy Gay Memorial Hater of the Week Award

I was reading The Sporting Green in the Chronicle this morning while riding BART. Ray Ratto had a clever column asking Roger Goodell to step in and help fix our two struggling Bay Area teams by combining them. Then I got to Dan's Favorite Football Writer's column on the elite teams of the NFL. It was informative; I learned a lot of new things about what's going on around the league. Who knew that Vince Young needed to be defended by his coach? I didn't get that info from ESPN.

Then, in her last item, she took an incredibly cheap shot:

-- Interesting e-mail of the week: I posed this question last weekend to an NFL general manager - why has Steelers rookie coach Mike Tomlin, 35, shown himself to be a more confident, commanding, respected leader than Raiders coach Lane Kiffin, 32?

Talent aside (particularly at the quarterback position), the GM summed up the difference in a surprisingly succinct way: "Because Mike Tomlin was prepared for the Steelers' job and Lane Kiffin was given the Raiders' job."

This general manager has a point. Tomlin had been the Buccaneers' defensive backs coach from 2001 through '05 and the Vikings' defensive coordinator in '06. He had NFL credibility that his players instantly respected.

Kiffin had been USC's offensive coordinator and shared play-calling duties with Trojans assistant head coach Steve Sarkisian - Al Davis' first choice for the job - in 2005-'06. Before that, he was a position coach on offense at Fresno State, Colorado State and USC, where he also had recruiting coordinator responsibilities.

In retrospect, Kiffin's greatest selling point to the beaten-down Raiders' players was that he wasn't Art Shell.

Really? Which GM did she ask? Isiah Thomas?

Talent aside?

Talent aside?

One more time:

TALENT ASIDE?!

Has anyone ever heard the phrase "Making chicken salad out of chicken shit?" Because what Lane Kiffin's been asked to do in the job he's been "given" is make chicken salad out of bat guano.

The Steelers are a team a year removed from winning the SUPER BOWL. The only key contributor not still on that team is locker room-cancer Joey Porter.

The Raiders haven't won more than 5 games in 5 years now. The only player on the team who played there when the Raiders were good is Barry "False Start" Simms.

So how could talent just be pushed aside when asking that question? I'm not saying Lane Kiffin is a better coach than Omar Epps or anything like that. I'm just saying that Vince Lombardi couldn't win more than 6 games with this Raiders team as currently constructed. Hell, Al Davis circa 1963 couldn't win more than 6 games with this team.

Give the kid a break. He's got Mono. He's trying to rebuild not just a team's talent but an entire culture of losing that goes back at least five years. He was "given" the job because Nobody Else Would Touch it with a Ten Foot Pole. At least nobody whose previous job wasn't turning down sheets in a bed and breakfast.

So congratulations, Nancy. The CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY is naming a new award in your honor:

The CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY Nancy Gay Memorial Hater of the Week Award.

This weeks winner of the inaugural CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY Nancy Gay Hater of the Week Award is:

Nancy Gay

Congratulations, Nancy. You've just been named the winner of the CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY Nancy Gay Memorial Hater of the Week Award. Prizes include scorn heaped upon your head by the members of the Raider Nation, Al Davis never ever saying at your funeral, "Time never stops for the great ones, we give them the CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY," and the wishes of hundreds that you get a parking ticket.

John's Week 10 Picks

I don't know what to think this week. Sllaacs picking the Raiders to win has me seriously discombobulated. I was all set to pick against the Raiders as a means of reverse-jinxing them (at least until the Denver game, which I have tickets to and will be the first time I get to see them in person this year--lame for a Raiders blogger, I know, but shit, man, preschool and diapers and chocolate milk are expensive) but now I think Sllaacs may have done it for me.

That's right, see, because the Raiders are bad enough this year, and so obviously rebuilding that they can't be jinxed. They were jinxed the minute Walt Coleman pulled the Tuck Rule out of his polyp-riddled asshole, which led to Chuckie's bouncing and subsequent trouncing of our boys in Super Bowl Who-gives-a-shit-that-was-the-worst-day-of-my-sports-watching-life.

I know Griese sucks, but he was 5-3 against us when he was with the Donkeys, the Three losses coming in the '01 and '02, Chuckie's last year when he finally ended the losing streak and the Super Bowl year, when Rod Woodson took that pick back 96 yards to the house. Point being, when Griese played on those good Donkey teams against horrible or rebuilding Raiders teams, he won. (Check out his stats, you can see Denver's W-L records by clicking on the team name next to the year.)

This is clearly a rebuilding year. But you know what? Fuck it. Sllaacs is right about this one. No Tank Johnson means Huggie Jr. is running his ass off Sunday. Plus, I had a dream the other night that Josh McCown was getting cheered by the home crowd after throwing a touchdown pass early. Raiders win 17-14.

I was thinking that the Niners owned the Artists Formerly Known as the Gulls (when they were in the AFC West), but that was last year when everyone was optimistic about this year's team making the playoffs. Now, they're a mess. Even Sllaacs is asking for Derek Anderson next year. Seattle wins, 21-9, even though Shaun Alexander doesn't play well because his man-gina is sore.

As for the Cleveland/Pittsburgh game, if you think Cleveland is winning this game than you're an idiot. I benched Carson Palmer for Ben Roethlisberger--permanently--on my fantasy squad a couple of weeks and I haven't lost since. If he put up 5 TDs in the first half against the Ravens last week (although, while watching that 75th anniversary celebration at halftime on Monday night, I couldn't help but think that somewhere, Al Davis and John Madden were throwing up bile), he might put up 8 against Cleveland. There's no way the Steelers lose this game. Pittsburgh wins 38-27.

Week 10 Apocalypse: Sllaacs Picks the Raiders!

From my Inbox this morning:

Dear Asshat,

This week I will take the following the following stances:

Raiders vs. Chicago

I will take Oakland in this game - am I crazy? Probably, but Brian Griese is not much better than the Bay Area quarterbacks, and the Raiders do have a run game. Kiffin starting Culpepper would make me feel better about choosing the Raiders, but I could see Josh McNown/Cade McCown - now which is it? - finding a way to make
enough plays against the suck-ass Bears. 20-17 Oakland.

Niners vs. Seattle

The Niners will win this one - why? Because Seattle sucks - they
do - and the whole world will know it when they scan over the
boxscore in the papers on Tuesday. No one will watch, but S.F. will
beat the Seahawks asses in thier own house, on Monday Night Football, no less. 17 - 9 S.F.

Cleveland vs. Pittsburg

Okay, so I took a leap on those two predictions, but what the hell. There is a small movement among Niner fans to try and snatch up Derek Anderson from Cleveland as a free agent this offseason - since the Browns drafted that QB - who is it, Brady Quinn? It would cost the Niners a 1st and 3rd round pick, so Cleveland would probably welcome the exchange. In that spirit, I will pick the only compelling game this week; Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland. Today, the Steelers are favored by a whopping 9 1/2 points. Any gambler would take Cleveland's high octane offense and the points. I will take Cleveland outright - to win on the road 34 - 30.

Heart,

Sllaacs.

So far the sky is still up.