ESPN Sucks

Bronco Bill gets called away to Minneapolis to help cover the Brett Favre signing. Like it's a national emergency, and he's Anderson Cooper or something. Give me a break.

Because lord knows ESPN doesn't have enough boots on the ground in Minnesota right now. Unless Ed Werder and Mort got lost somewhere in Brett's colon.

The only people excited about Brett Favre coming back are Mike Vick and Tom Cable, because nobody's talking about them anymore.

Hater of the Week, Super Bowl Addition: Charles P. Pierce

I thought of naming Jerry Mac and/or Adam Treu for bringing up the game that almost got me divorced, but instead I'm going to Slate.com this week for the Hater of the Week, perhaps the first time it's been given to someone who wasn't hating on the Raiders.

Ladies and Gentleman, I present Charles P. Pierce, and let his words speak for themselves:

This simple fact is that the very presence of the Arizona Cardinals in the
Super Bowl is at best a fluke and, at worst, a disgrace. They played in a landfill of a division. They won their two playoff games because Jake Delhomme of Carolina turned the ball over six times and because the Philadelphia Eagles all looked at the newspapers last Sunday and discovered they were in the NFC championship game again. The Cardinals are a glorified Arena Football League team with a soft defense and a running game unworthy of the name. They are in the position that they're in because the NFL rigs its season worse than any carny rigs his wheel. For all the macho posturing of its principal propagandists, between the jiggering of the schedule and the conniving of the draft and the socialistic revenue schemes, and the desperate grab for any mechanism that will flatten out the differences between really good teams and really bad ones, the NFL is the league that comes closest to the biddy soccer league philosophy of making sure that everyone gets a trophy.

That's what the Arizona Cardinals are: the National Participation
Ribbon.

He doesn't stop there. He has words for Thom Brenneman (which I appreciate; it's a scientific fact that 75% of men who spell their name "Thom" are douche bags, compared with 100% of men who spell their name "Geoff"), Tim Tebow, and Brett Favre.

Good Work, Chuck.

Go Dolphins

The Patriots are the 2nd team to win 11 games and miss the playoffs, ever.

Couldn't happen to a better team.

Sllaacs Picks - Week 3 - Aaron Rodgers Arm, John Kitna's Head, JaMarcus Russells' Arm and Head

So I took the arm of John Kitna over the arm of Aaron Rodgers.  Looked OK up until the fourth quarter.  So with info from that game last week filed away in the old Brain Box, I submit my picks: 

Dallas @ Green Bay.  I think the popular pick would be to take the Packers at home in this game, but I will take Dallas for the simple fact that they are the better team, and have the best receiver in the NFL - Terrell Owens.  30-17, Cowboys win.

Raiders @ Buffalo.  The Bills are 2-0 against bad teams (Seattle and Jacksonville), but their defense looked good in both games.  Despite the victory over the horrible Chiefs last week, and the wonderful distraction that is RAIDER MANAGEMENT, Oakland will get blown out in N.Y. to the tune of 28-12, Bills win. I think we can look for more Alex Smith-like numbers from J. Russell in this game, and more blame on the receivers.  

Let's just watch when, how and where JaMarcus delivers the ball on each pass attempt and ask ourselves how many Hall of Famers Brett Favre has thrown to over his career.  Here is a short list* of some of Favre's most notable receivers:

TD's

Antonio Freeman 57

Sterling Sharpe  41 

Donald Driver  36

Robert Brooks   32

Bubba Franks  29

JAVON WALKER   19

Mark Chmura   16

Dorsey Levens   16

Greg Jennings 14

William Henderson 13

Keith Jackson   11

Edgar Bennett  10

Don Beebe 4

Mark Clayton 3

Andre Rison   1

 

*the above is an Arbitrary Listing, for complete stats, CLICK HERE.

In the end, it's all about the Quarterback.  David Carr has a career 59.7 completion pct. and led the NFL in 2006, before being relegated to the bench last year in Carolina - largely due to mobility "problems", read; shitty Offensive Lines.  Who was he throwing to when he was with the Texans?  Exactly.

Detroit @ San Francisco.  Here is one game the Niners SHOULD win, (Might be a long while before you read that type of statement regarding SF in this blog again).  The Lions gave up 34 points to the woeful Dirty Birds, then gave up 48 to the Pack, ( That latter game being blown out of proportion a bit since Kitna went nuts with the throwing of the picks).  Point is, Offensively or Defensively the Lions have a 50-year history of giving up points to opponents at a rate that stunts the hell out the teams' annual efforts for success.  Right now in Detroit, you already got receivers bitching about Martz being fired and the Lions running too much.  

No matter how often we bitch about the current state of our teams in the Bay Area, at least we're not living in Michigan.  In short; the Lions sucked, suck and will suck some more.  

Niners win, 35-17.

P.S. Heard a rumor on KNBR 680 AM (SF):  Kiffin won't be fired until the Raiders lose one.  So, this Monday, 6am Eastern Time?

Sllaacs

Bill Williamson Hearts Lane Kiffin

Bill Williamson has a couple of nice pieces on espn.com: a Raiders camp overview that says nothing but good things about Kiffin and his young players, and blog item that shows both McFadden (#9) and JaMarcus (#24) in the top 25 of NFL Jersey sales.

Mikey is sure to add to his Straight Cash Homey Jets collection, with a Favre jersey to go with that Santana Moss jersey he rocks.

Walker and Favre

Javon Walker will always be linked to Brett Favre, thanks to an uncomfortable 2005 offseason confrontation when Favre called out Walker in the press for threatening to hold out on the Packers while still under contract. Favre complained that Walker was being selfish, putting money ahead of the interests of the team. Walker's position, as part of something of a "strike" organized by Drew Rosenhaus, was that he was grossly underpaid for a Pro Bowl player on the last year of his rookie contract, and might never see his deserved payday given the hazards of the game.

Walker, of course, came to camp on time without a new deal and promptly tore his ACL when the season began. He's somehow continued to land major contracts, but the incident launched Walker's reputation for having questionable commitment to his teams.

In a strange twist of fate, both Favre and Walker are headlining today's off-the-field NFL news. While Brett is mulling over a $20 million offer from the Packers NOT to play, Walker is reportedly offering to return $11 million in bonus money so he can quit, with the Raiders rejecting the offer. The sentiments of 2005 have played out to ridiculous ends. Favre wants to be in camp so badly that he is now wrecking the team, and only by putting money ahead of playing might he save the team. By giving back all of his money, Walker still aims to be paid what he believes he deserves, only this time it's what he deserves for going home.

Interestingly, Walker's offer could actually help a Raiders team that broke the bank during the offseason and is getting very little from Walker during camp. Apparently Al Davis doesn't agree. Let's hope Al is not just trying to avoid proving Yahoo!'s Jason Cole wrong.

The Favre Debacle, From the Perspective of a Lifelong Packer Fan

I have been a Packer fan my entire life. I would sit there, throughout the 80s, and watch them lose to the Buccaneers, one of the few teams that were actually sorrier than my team. I would sit there for the entire game, even when the game was basically over, due to my allegiance to the Packers.

For every other sport, I'm admittedly fair-weather. If the Brewers make it to the playoffs for the first time in 26 years, I will be watching every single playoff game. However, I probably won't watch any of their games this season, and I can probably count on one hand how many televised games I've watched in the past 26 years. Don't even get me started on the Bucks.

The Packers are different. Growing up, I was emotionally involved with the successes (or failures) of Lynn Dickey, James Lofton, Harlan Huckleby, Chuck Cecil, Tim Harris, Ed West, Jeff Query, I could go on and on. I sat there--or more like paced-- every Sunday, cheering on my lowly Packers, only to have my heart broken at the end. But I always came back the following Sunday.

Then came Favre. Finally, all of my dedication to the team paid off. I can remember moving into the dorms my freshman year in college, going down to one of the study rooms that had the Packer-Bengal game on to check the score. The Majik man went down in that game, and I can remember thinking "here comes another loss". Next thing I know, Favre is taking the Packers 90+ yard in less than a minute in his first of many come-from-behind victories. That was the day the Packers stopped being the doormat of the NFL. And almost every victory, since then, has been because of Favre. And I'll always remember Favre as being one of the greatest, if not greatest, Packers of all time.

With that being said, I do not side with Favre in this dispute with the Packers.

Favre has every right to want to come back, and I would actually welcome him back as the starting QB for the Packers. I admit, the Packers have a better chance at winning the Super Bowl with Favre than with Rodgers this season. However, I do not blame the Packers for moving on. Favre has been jerking the Packers around since 2002, when he told Peter King that he was thinking of retiring. Every offseason is a media circus of whether or not he was going to retire. The Packers draft Aaron Rodgers three years ago specifically because they thought Favre would be retiring. Favre's indecision effects everything the Packers do--how they draft, who they sign in free agency, and how they design their playbook.

The thing is, the Packers were already going to let Favre unretire in March. A few weeks after his retirement conference, the Packers were informed that he changed his mind. They said that that was fine and that they'd welcome him back. The chartered a plane for Mississippi to finalize his return, but at the last minute he says "I discussed it with Dianna, and I think I going to stay retired." So the Packers go about their offseason as if Favre is not coming back. Drafting Brohm in the 2nd round, and another QB in the 7th. They tailor their playbook to fit Rodgers.

They moved on. Now they're supposed to scrap everything so that Favre can come back, again, because he changed his mind, again?

Like I said, Favre gives the Packers a better chance this year at a SB than Rodgers, but if they did accept him back as the starter, anything less than a SB win will be a disappointment and make his return a mistake. For really, why else, as a fan, would I want him back? Him coming back would almost guarantee the Packers losing Rodgers, and while we don't know what they have in Rodgers, it's certainly more than we know what they have in Brian Brohm.

At this point, I really don't care what happens--if he starts for the Pack this season, fine, if not, that's fine also. He can play for another team, as long as it's through a trade and as long as that team is not the Vikings.

No matter what happens, I'll always be rooting for the Packers. I survived the 80s, I think I can live through this.

And Al Davis should sell the Raiders.

Dan's Championship Picks

As long as we are quoting our wives, here's a gem from Kristy about 2 minutes ago as I wrapped up dinner: "Why don't you go blog, and I'll clean up the kitchen." No sarcasm whatsoever. Awesome.

"Poop stuck to the roof of my mouth" is the perfect analogy for tomorrow's early game. Could there be two more unlikable quarterbacks squaring off than Rivers and Brady? A Southern-cocky blowhard vs. a smug perfectionist prick. The game also features the two highest profile active players to drag the NFL into the performance enhancing drug mess in Harrison and Merriman. For a Raiders fan, watching Restraining Order Randy and the Tuckers take on Turner adds an element of pain. And I haven't even gotten to the cheating scandal. At least there is drama. I have always found LaDainian Tomlinson unobjectionable, even while pulling run-catch-pass TD trifectas twice a year against the Raiders. Last year's Marty meltdown made L(D)T even more interesting as he basically compared Belichick to school in the summertime. I love it. The Patriots' squeaky clean Bob Kraft image is the biggest joke in sports.

But the Patriots will win. It is going to be an interesting, physical, and ultimately maddening game. In addition to the fact that they are the team best suited to carry a nation's hatred of the Patriots on their backs, the one thing I like about the Chargers' chances is that they should be able to get to Brady. But a hobbled Rivers-to-Gates-based offense will slip up more often than the Patriots will be stopped. I like the 27-20 call, but for originality I am going to say it ends 30-21, and as the Patriots line up for the game-sealing FG, Tomlinson's head will explode along with 100,000 other Americans who can't handle another week's combination of Brady screaming ridiculous pep talks to his teammates and then smirking away the final 3 minutes of the game. For all the Montana comparisons, could you ever in a million years imagine Brady stepping into the huddle needing an epic drive to win the Super Bowl and cracking, "Hey - there's John Candy."

As for the late game, I am sure that Unk answered the above question about unlikable quarterbacks with a shout of, "Eli!" as he read it. But Eli is a Seinfeld fan, and that makes him ok in my book. Plus, the Chargers were a franchise uninterested in winning when Eli came out, which is probably why very few of the Raider fans I know hate them the way they hate the Chefs and Donkeys.

I grew up in Wisconsin. I'm biased. But Favre is unquestionably a likable quarterback. The guy has fun. He loves the game. He loves his teammates. And he's going to take the Packers to the Super Bowl this year. As I write this the temperature in Green Bay is -7. Tomorrow's TV-friendly evening kickoff might pass the 1993 Raiders game that I attended for the 2nd coldest game ever played at Lambeau Field. Unless the 13-mph wind forecast is a drastic underestimate, Favre will operate well with a heavy dose of Ryan Grant to back him.

Tomorrow I'll add as much Wisconsin insight as I can gather, but from my viewpoint the Packers will win 31-20 for the following reasons. The Giants have hobbled (Burress) or old (Toomer) WRs, and Shockey is gone. Woodson and Harris can man up, leaving Bigby free to cheat up and slow down the running game. If Bigby has even half the game he had against Seattle, the defense will be stout. Gotta love a guy named "Atari." To score on New York means limiting the pass rush. No team has a better quick-hitting pass game than the Packers, and with Grant's emergence and a diverse screen game, the Packers should be able to game plan for that. Look at what they did last week against Kerney and company.

If my picks are right, this could set up a personal disaster on par with Super Bowls XXXII and XXXVII when teams I absolutely hated (Broncos and Bucs) beat teams I love (Packers and Raiders). Oh yeah, I'll be on a plane.

There's Something About Mary Buckheit

Apparently she's never seen this movie. That's what I take from reading this column, anyway. I wanted to find the clip that actually had Brett Favre in it, but this is close enough. The only real difference between Brett Favre and Tony Romo is that Brett Favre is 67 years old and Chris Berman has a massive man-crush on him. Romo might show up in the tabloids, but he hasn't appeared in a major motion picture yet. And he hasn't had been to Betty Ford, either. And I can't help but think that if Brett had starred in a city with a population of more than 30,000 people, he would have been getting lap dances from insane former pop sensations, too.

I fully expect a rebuttal from Dan Hauenstein...