Hater of the Week, Super Bowl Addition: Charles P. Pierce

I thought of naming Jerry Mac and/or Adam Treu for bringing up the game that almost got me divorced, but instead I'm going to Slate.com this week for the Hater of the Week, perhaps the first time it's been given to someone who wasn't hating on the Raiders.

Ladies and Gentleman, I present Charles P. Pierce, and let his words speak for themselves:

This simple fact is that the very presence of the Arizona Cardinals in the
Super Bowl is at best a fluke and, at worst, a disgrace. They played in a landfill of a division. They won their two playoff games because Jake Delhomme of Carolina turned the ball over six times and because the Philadelphia Eagles all looked at the newspapers last Sunday and discovered they were in the NFC championship game again. The Cardinals are a glorified Arena Football League team with a soft defense and a running game unworthy of the name. They are in the position that they're in because the NFL rigs its season worse than any carny rigs his wheel. For all the macho posturing of its principal propagandists, between the jiggering of the schedule and the conniving of the draft and the socialistic revenue schemes, and the desperate grab for any mechanism that will flatten out the differences between really good teams and really bad ones, the NFL is the league that comes closest to the biddy soccer league philosophy of making sure that everyone gets a trophy.

That's what the Arizona Cardinals are: the National Participation
Ribbon.

He doesn't stop there. He has words for Thom Brenneman (which I appreciate; it's a scientific fact that 75% of men who spell their name "Thom" are douche bags, compared with 100% of men who spell their name "Geoff"), Tim Tebow, and Brett Favre.

Good Work, Chuck.

Adam Treu Breaks it Down.

Adam Treu sends a shout out to those of us obsessed with the glorious debacle that is the Oakland Raiders, gently urging us to back away from the ledge. (h/t Jerry.) Treu wants to ask ourselves these questions:

Have I wished the owner dead? Have I threatened to pummel Kiffin into a lifeless, bloody heap? Did I say if given the chance, I’d take a tube sock and a roll of nickels to Rob Ryan’s temple? Do I find myself surprised and/or disappointed by personal fouls and (alleged) DUI’s? Have I screamed at a player/fellow fan/family member/pet so violently I needed a Zoloft, a bourbon and my blankie?

I figured it would be fun to take them one by one:

Have I wished the owner dead? Yes. I'm not proud of it. I've also compared him to a woman in a persistent vegetative state.

Have I threatened to pummel Kiffin? No.

Tube Sock full of nickels to Ryan's temples? No, but that's a great image. And I wonder if it would work.

Surprised/disappointed by Personal Fouls/DUIs? No, and kind of. I think if you're surprised at these things from this group you're not really paying attention. Maybe that's the point.

Screamed at anyone so violently I need a Zoloft/bourbon/my blankie? I've screamed at the TV. And at a pet, but not because of the Raiders, but because they mess with skunks and/or are in general disgusting and disobedient.

But Treu's advice to find something else to love is well-taken. This is a freakshow. As Dan says, it's like learning to love the bomb in Dr. Strangelove. Let's blow it up.

Bridges to Nowhere

Monte Poole makes the case for a strong GM, if for nothing else to mediate between Al and other parts of the organization. Coming as it does after Treu's excellent blog item yesterday, we're getting a clearer picture of what goes on this decaying, once-great operation. It's worth revisiting, as Poole does, the collapse of the Gruden era. I wish that Lombardi would open up and really give a complete account of his experience there, instead of just making the occasional sarcastic remark about "The Hotel California."

Treu Insight

Today Adam Treu offers his take on the Kiffin situation on the National Football Post. It's a must read, and is a reminder that while Kiffin may be doing a splendid job sparring with Al Davis, ultimately the players - and the fans, I might add - are getting screwed. And if there was fire where there was smoke surrounding the Arkansas rumors, then Treu's "pit stop" comment rings especially true.

Great "Tom Brady's shiny white teeth" comment, to boot.

I Know It's Over. It Never Really Began.

All over the internets, people seem to be piling on after Monday night's debacle.

Warren Sapp: "...they have unrealistic ideas about what their people can do.." "They're going to suck."

Adam Treu: "There are a few things I miss about playing professional football, but getting beat 41-14 is not one of them."

Kurt Snibbe: Replace Randolph Scott with Buccaneer Bruce.

And then in his conference call with the Chefs' beat writers yesterday, Kiffin:

"You have to look at the history," Kiffin said. "History is what it is, that he doesn’t keep people very long. We don’t have a general manager. Everything goes through the owner. That sets up a difficult situation at times.

"Knowing who the owner is, you know from day one there’s no job security."

Just fire him. Promote Lofton or Knapp, or whomever. Either way, lock Knapp and Cable up so they can't just leave for Seattle next. Or, shit, I don't care, bring back Art Shell. One of the funnest parts of the game the other night was seeing Dan's Art impersonation, where he made his hat 4 sizes too small and rested it down on his forehead, and scowled.

I wish to revisit my post about NFL.com using Morrissey's "Every Day is Like Sunday" in their commercial. They should make a Raiders-specific ad using a different Morrissey song, something even more depressing, like "I Know it's Over" by the Smiths.

That one even has Spanish subtitles, perfect for Fiesta Latina 2008.