CLOAK 500: Raiders, 49ers Win; Bubba Malaysia Loses.

Bubba Malaysia is my fantasy football team. They've lost in the championship--as of today--four out of the last five years.

I would like to thank Lane Kiffin, Al Davis, Tom Cable, John Herrera, Tim Kawakami, Lowell Cohn, JaMarcus Russell, Nmamdi Asomugha, Sebastian Janikowski, Sllaacs, Dan, Barack Obama, John McCain, Lance Kiffin, and Facebook for giving us so much to write about this year on the CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY.

John's Picks: Happy Anniversary.

As you may or may not know, December 7 is day that will live in infamy. Not because of that, but because that's the day, six years ago, that the Professor made an honest man of me.

So we're having a relaxing day as well. I realize I'm a little late with my picks, since two of the games have started already. As I type, the Giants just had a field goal blocked and trail Philly 3-0 in the 2nd quarter. Whatever, they will pull this out, 17-9.

The Packers should win. At home, in the snow. 21-17.

And if the Raiders beat the Jets in Overtime, the 49ers should almost certainly be able to win this game. But I've given up pretending to know anything about the BARFF this year. Jets win 28-17.

Ostler: Lincecum and the Top 5 Most Loved and Hated Bay Area Sports Figures

First of all, I didn't know that Tim Lincecum was an emo kid. In that knit cap he looks like the dude from Fallout Boy who married Tony Romo's Girlfriend's sister.

Second, Ostler's reference to Fader Nation is a potentially HOTW-worthy, except that it's tough to get worked up about that right now.

Al Davis as most hated Bay Area Sports figure? It still seems to me like York would jump him, because he's both incompetent and boring. It's always better to interesting than boring, isn't it?

Finally, CLOAK-designated Man Crush of 2008 being compared to Barry Bonds works and it doesn't work. Yes, I understand the intentional walk analogy and the implication that Nmamdi is even more talented than Barry at his peak. But Barry Bonds is a fucking prick. Nmamdi is thoughtful, articulate, and as Joe Biden might say, clean, too. He does belong in the Top 5 most beloved Bay Area Athletes; granting Lincecum #1, Nmamdi's got to be #2. If you throw in his days at Cal, he's also the longest-tenured Bay Area Athlete on this list.

Whatever Al Davis does, he has to find to stop running the Raiders into the fucking ground, if only to make signing a long-term deal attractive to Nmamdi.

We flat out need him.

BARFF

Sllaacs and Dan have hit upon an interesting concept without a good acronym: The Bay Area Football Debacle. Dan suggests BAD, which is pretty good, but I miss the F. So here's an idea:

Bay Area Raiders Forty-Niners Football, or BARFF.

Seeing as the football being played on either side of the Bay makes fans of both teams want to Puke, the "debacle" part is implied in the acronym BARFF.

And, you can take BART to BARFF.

Oh, and since Sllaacs was thoughtful enough to give us Nancy Gay on Al emasculating Greg Knapp, he's Kawakami on the 49ers Monday Night Game:

Mike Martz took time out of his usual ignoring of the media on Tuesdays to reveal that he too thought the 49ers’ last play was from the 1/2-yard line. And Martz said he only figured out the 49ers were at the 3 1/2 when Mike Nolan called and told him so this morning.

PROBLEM: Hey Mike Martz and Mike Nolan… the ball actually was at the 2 1/2. Really. Go back and check. You got it wrong TWICE, star off-coor.

Once when it happened and you called the wrong play and then many hours later, after your former coach (favored coach?) called to tell you. Wrongly.

It was NOT at the 3 1/2 or the 1/2 or whatever half-witted thing you thought it was or still think it was or are arguing still that it was. It was at the 2 1/2-yard line. Please memorize that.

This is unbelievable. My head hurts at the 49ers’ incredible ability to not see things clearly, then argue with anybody who did see it clearly, then babble about it later.

Is there nobody up in that booth who can tell the difference between the 1/2-yard line and the 2 1/2?

Does Mike Nolan know what he’s talking about, even when he’s sitting on his couch?

Should he be calling Martz? Should Martz be saying that Nolan is the only guy “smart enough” to watch it on TV replay and call him… with the wrong info?

Geez. Jed York really has this ship cruising.