Wow. 34 days. This is just awesome. And I can almost hear the glee in Bronco-lovin' Shefter's prose.
Seriously, though, what the hell his going on? As Jerry McDonald has pointed out--again and again--this is embarrassing. Why even draft the kid if you're not going to sign him?
Maybe Russell really is like John Elway: He didn't want to play for the team that drafted him #1 overall either, and forced a trade.
Don't get me wrong, I'm getting excited for the season. The Defense is dominating, and Kiffin looks like he has the offense moving in the right direction, and Daunte's been hooked up to the Juvenation Machine.
Maybe this is just Al being a "maverick." Maybe JR is regretting leaving college early and wants to stay in SEC country as long as he can.
But please, for Christ's sake, let's get this over with.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
The Other July Questions
First I must note that question #1 has only become more worrying at the Tackle position. Sims remains unchallenged, and now career backup Cornell Green is leading the RT race? Hmm.
So before August starts, here are a few additional July questions:
2. Can we stop the run?
Last year the defense did well thanks to a terrific pass defense and increasingly conservative play calling by opponents as the score differential swelled into the double-digits by the third quarter. But quality RBs continue to hurt the Raiders - and we see plenty of those in the AFC West. The defense is fast but lacks bulk in the middle. This year, Sapp lacks even more bulk in his middle, which should improve his ability to beat Burgess to the QB but will not keep interior linemen off of Morrison. The linebackers are built to get to the sideline, not to plug running lanes in the middle.
The Raiders' only moves to address this were to lock up Terdell Sands and sign a run-stuffing Safety in Donovin Darius. The Raiders think so much of Big Terd that they passed on Alan Branch in the draft. Of course this move may have been prioritization, because they turned Alan Branch into Zach Miller, Josh McCown, and Mike Williams. Darius should be a big help in running situations...but that brings us to the next question.
3. What is the plan at Safety?
During OTAs we heard a lot of talk about "Right" and "Left" Safeties rather than Free and Strong. The obvious reason: the Raiders drafted Michael Huff #7 overall to make big plays, and last year he was a bit cramped at Strong Safety (and Gates/Gonzo specialist). He and Schweigert combined for zero INTs. So was this some sort of Kiffin Cover-2 scheme or was Schweigert being moved aside in favor of Huff? The answer that Darnell Bing's move to Safety hoped to bring was delivered in the Donovin Darius signing. Huff will play in space this year. The first reports out of training camp indicate that Huff will be an every down Safety with Darius playing Strong Safety in running situations and Schweigert joining Huff in passing situations. A wildcard may be fifth round pick Eric Frampton, although he may be waiting in the wings while Darius gives us one year of service. It will be interesting to see how this will play out. How will they scheme against Gates and Gonzo? Who is our nickel DB?
4. How good is this group of WRs?
The key to a Raider resurgence may be the talent we have hiding at WR. Every player carries some level of risk, but the Raiders appear to have placed enough bets to cover a few busts. This is Porter's year to finally break out. He's in shape, well rested from a year in the doghouse, and playing with something to prove. Reports from OTAs were that he looked like an elite WR. But will he stay happy? Meanwhile, Curry has come into his own after recovering from two Achilles tears. He was open all the time late last year in an offense with no weapons. But can he stay healthy? Mike Williams is pure upside. If he can get serious and reclaim some magic after being reunited with Kiffin, it would be a huge bonus for the Raiders. But is this realistic?
Doug Gabriel is back. He has shown flashes of brilliance during his tenure in Oakland. But why was New England so quick to cut him? Johnnie Lee Higgins was a bit of a surprise pick in the third round, but he appears ready to take on return duty. Will his speed make Whitted and Francis expendable? Preseason superstar Johnnie Morant seems to be on the verge of starting in August, only to ride the bench all year long. Rumor has it he's extremely unintelligent. Will he grasp Kiffin's playbook or be sent packing? Travis Taylor appears to be insurance. When all else fails he should provide steady contribution.
Additional good news for the passing game: Zach Miller signed today. Now if only we had a rookie to throw all these guys the ball.
So before August starts, here are a few additional July questions:
2. Can we stop the run?
Last year the defense did well thanks to a terrific pass defense and increasingly conservative play calling by opponents as the score differential swelled into the double-digits by the third quarter. But quality RBs continue to hurt the Raiders - and we see plenty of those in the AFC West. The defense is fast but lacks bulk in the middle. This year, Sapp lacks even more bulk in his middle, which should improve his ability to beat Burgess to the QB but will not keep interior linemen off of Morrison. The linebackers are built to get to the sideline, not to plug running lanes in the middle.
The Raiders' only moves to address this were to lock up Terdell Sands and sign a run-stuffing Safety in Donovin Darius. The Raiders think so much of Big Terd that they passed on Alan Branch in the draft. Of course this move may have been prioritization, because they turned Alan Branch into Zach Miller, Josh McCown, and Mike Williams. Darius should be a big help in running situations...but that brings us to the next question.
3. What is the plan at Safety?
During OTAs we heard a lot of talk about "Right" and "Left" Safeties rather than Free and Strong. The obvious reason: the Raiders drafted Michael Huff #7 overall to make big plays, and last year he was a bit cramped at Strong Safety (and Gates/Gonzo specialist). He and Schweigert combined for zero INTs. So was this some sort of Kiffin Cover-2 scheme or was Schweigert being moved aside in favor of Huff? The answer that Darnell Bing's move to Safety hoped to bring was delivered in the Donovin Darius signing. Huff will play in space this year. The first reports out of training camp indicate that Huff will be an every down Safety with Darius playing Strong Safety in running situations and Schweigert joining Huff in passing situations. A wildcard may be fifth round pick Eric Frampton, although he may be waiting in the wings while Darius gives us one year of service. It will be interesting to see how this will play out. How will they scheme against Gates and Gonzo? Who is our nickel DB?
4. How good is this group of WRs?
The key to a Raider resurgence may be the talent we have hiding at WR. Every player carries some level of risk, but the Raiders appear to have placed enough bets to cover a few busts. This is Porter's year to finally break out. He's in shape, well rested from a year in the doghouse, and playing with something to prove. Reports from OTAs were that he looked like an elite WR. But will he stay happy? Meanwhile, Curry has come into his own after recovering from two Achilles tears. He was open all the time late last year in an offense with no weapons. But can he stay healthy? Mike Williams is pure upside. If he can get serious and reclaim some magic after being reunited with Kiffin, it would be a huge bonus for the Raiders. But is this realistic?
Doug Gabriel is back. He has shown flashes of brilliance during his tenure in Oakland. But why was New England so quick to cut him? Johnnie Lee Higgins was a bit of a surprise pick in the third round, but he appears ready to take on return duty. Will his speed make Whitted and Francis expendable? Preseason superstar Johnnie Morant seems to be on the verge of starting in August, only to ride the bench all year long. Rumor has it he's extremely unintelligent. Will he grasp Kiffin's playbook or be sent packing? Travis Taylor appears to be insurance. When all else fails he should provide steady contribution.
Additional good news for the passing game: Zach Miller signed today. Now if only we had a rookie to throw all these guys the ball.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
July Question #1
With a day off for Al's birthday, I thought it a good time to post some thoughts on the Raiders' chances in 2007. McDonalds' lively blog is keeping us going through the summer doldrums. He's even got fans throwing statistical analysis at us! Perhaps imperfect, but some remarkably intelligent takes for an offseason blog. And great entertainment to see the predictable meathead reply: "Wins and losses are the only stats that matter!"
But as I looked for conclusions to be drawn in July, I realized instead I must go to the "offseason questions" format for today's post. It feels like we are a long way from answering a number of questions surrounding the team. The top question is not a new one:
Have we solved the offensive line problem?
While obvious to the naked eye last season, greater detail surrounding the disaster that was the Raider 2006 offensive line continued to ooze from Alameda during the first half of 2007. Conflicting instructions from the coaching staff, lack of or changes in direction, seemingly whimsical personnel moves. It's hard to evaluate the Raiders' talent based on last year alone. But this is the SECOND year in a row that the O-line has been labeled the Raiders' most glaring weakness. Has enough been done in the offseason?
New coaches with track records and a cut-block (gasp!) scheme will help. An experienced, starting guard (Carlisle) will help. Newberry - at a minimum for his leadership capabilities - will help. But what is the answer at tackle?
Perhaps there exists some explanation that tackles are not particularly important in a cut blocking scheme. Otherwise 2007 may shape up to be a rocky one. The obvious question is Gallery. My pessimism stems from his try-outs at guard on a team that has no strong starting tackle. Sims appears to have locked down the left tackle spot with ease - not a good sign whether you believe in a Sims resurgence or not. The Raiders did draft a tackle on the second day this year (Henderson), but the current sentence marks the most words I've ever seen between his name and the word "project."
The answer may rest in the moves the Raiders made at tight end. Fred Wakefield and Tony Stewart play more like third tackles than tight ends. And drafting Zach Miller ahead of every other area of need shows the priority Kiffin places on changing the approach to the TE spot. Miller will be the go-to TE, and blocking is a big part of his game. John Madsen and other matadors will likely go the way of Teyo Johnson.
So the tackles will get a lot of help this year while Gallery's career is evaluated and the Henderson project begins. It will be exciting to see McQuistan, Boothe, and Grove develop under an accomplished staff. But let's all cross our fingers that Sims holds up and Gallery comes around. I've seen enough of Shawn Merriman's dance for one lifetime.
But as I looked for conclusions to be drawn in July, I realized instead I must go to the "offseason questions" format for today's post. It feels like we are a long way from answering a number of questions surrounding the team. The top question is not a new one:
Have we solved the offensive line problem?
While obvious to the naked eye last season, greater detail surrounding the disaster that was the Raider 2006 offensive line continued to ooze from Alameda during the first half of 2007. Conflicting instructions from the coaching staff, lack of or changes in direction, seemingly whimsical personnel moves. It's hard to evaluate the Raiders' talent based on last year alone. But this is the SECOND year in a row that the O-line has been labeled the Raiders' most glaring weakness. Has enough been done in the offseason?
New coaches with track records and a cut-block (gasp!) scheme will help. An experienced, starting guard (Carlisle) will help. Newberry - at a minimum for his leadership capabilities - will help. But what is the answer at tackle?
Perhaps there exists some explanation that tackles are not particularly important in a cut blocking scheme. Otherwise 2007 may shape up to be a rocky one. The obvious question is Gallery. My pessimism stems from his try-outs at guard on a team that has no strong starting tackle. Sims appears to have locked down the left tackle spot with ease - not a good sign whether you believe in a Sims resurgence or not. The Raiders did draft a tackle on the second day this year (Henderson), but the current sentence marks the most words I've ever seen between his name and the word "project."
The answer may rest in the moves the Raiders made at tight end. Fred Wakefield and Tony Stewart play more like third tackles than tight ends. And drafting Zach Miller ahead of every other area of need shows the priority Kiffin places on changing the approach to the TE spot. Miller will be the go-to TE, and blocking is a big part of his game. John Madsen and other matadors will likely go the way of Teyo Johnson.
So the tackles will get a lot of help this year while Gallery's career is evaluated and the Henderson project begins. It will be exciting to see McQuistan, Boothe, and Grove develop under an accomplished staff. But let's all cross our fingers that Sims holds up and Gallery comes around. I've seen enough of Shawn Merriman's dance for one lifetime.
Happy Birthday, Al!
Thanks to Jerry McDonald for pointing out that today is Al Davis' birthday. Why is this not surprising that he was born on the 4th of July? I didn't know that until today. I guess I should have.
One question, is that a coincidence? It's well known that the president of the United States can pardon criminals and commute sentences of anyone he wishes; but can he bestow eternal life? Of course not.
Al Davis apparently can.
It's called THE CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY. He most recently bestowed it upon John Madden at his Hall of Fame induction. The first time I heard him use the term was in a statement after Bill King passed, saying,
That's why we named this blog "CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY." As a tribute to a football genius, a rebel, a god amongst men with the ability to stop time.
As Jerry points out in his post, the lawsuits are over, it's time to win some football games.
Happy Birthday, Mr. Davis. That cloak fits you well.
One question, is that a coincidence? It's well known that the president of the United States can pardon criminals and commute sentences of anyone he wishes; but can he bestow eternal life? Of course not.
Al Davis apparently can.
It's called THE CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY. He most recently bestowed it upon John Madden at his Hall of Fame induction. The first time I heard him use the term was in a statement after Bill King passed, saying,
"I say this with great admiration and love that Bill becomes one of the people that I give the cloak of immortality. Time never stops for the great ones."
That's why we named this blog "CLOAK OF IMMORTALITY." As a tribute to a football genius, a rebel, a god amongst men with the ability to stop time.
As Jerry points out in his post, the lawsuits are over, it's time to win some football games.
Happy Birthday, Mr. Davis. That cloak fits you well.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Jeffri Chadiha is funny.
I know we haven't written anything in a long time, and it may have looked like we would never post again, but really, did anyone miss us? Not when Jerry McDonald at the Trib is writing the best blog on the planet, scooping everyone on Raiders news and insights a couple of times a week.
Surfing around today while bored at work, I saw a link on ESPN.com that said:
Being non-intimidating might be the ONLY thing Smith and Dungy have in common with the retreads mentioned above. Not mentioned is that Lovey Smith and Tony Dungy are good coaches.
Seriously, ask any Raiders fan about the Norv era. He sounded like Lyle from Napolean Dynamite. Whenever Greg Papa would ask him a question about the week's practices and game planning leading up to Sunday, I half expected Norv to point to a spot out on the practice field and say, "Over there by the tackling dummy we found a couple of Shoshone arrowheads." (Check around 1:50 mark of this clip and tell that doesn't sound like Norv.")
But the funniest part of the article comes in this quote from Jeff Garcia:
So save me the mild-mannered coaches are the norm crap. What teams need are good coaches. Hopefully Kiffin is one for the Raiders.
Surfing around today while bored at work, I saw a link on ESPN.com that said:
Chadiha: Mild-mannered coaches becoming the norm.This hilarious for a couple of reasons. First, because I don't think it's an accident that the "norm" in the link reminds people of "Norv," because that's exactly what the article's about, how the Chargers are going to be awesome because they're loaded and Norv is a "Player's" coach. It also mentions some other well-known winners and champions, guys like new Cowboys coach Wade Phillips and the Bills' Dick Jauron. Chadiha's tenuous argument rests on the fact that Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith are coaches who took their teams to the Super Bowl last year with a "civil approach" and "don't rely on intimidation, ridged rules, and silly mindgames to motivate their teams."
Being non-intimidating might be the ONLY thing Smith and Dungy have in common with the retreads mentioned above. Not mentioned is that Lovey Smith and Tony Dungy are good coaches.
Seriously, ask any Raiders fan about the Norv era. He sounded like Lyle from Napolean Dynamite. Whenever Greg Papa would ask him a question about the week's practices and game planning leading up to Sunday, I half expected Norv to point to a spot out on the practice field and say, "Over there by the tackling dummy we found a couple of Shoshone arrowheads." (Check around 1:50 mark of this clip and tell that doesn't sound like Norv.")
But the funniest part of the article comes in this quote from Jeff Garcia:
"There is such a broad range of players coming into this league now that a good coach has to be able to deal with that. When you have a my-way-or-the-highway coach, not every player is going to respond to that. I haven't experienced playing for a coach like that, but I can honestly say I wouldn't want to play for one. It's pretty hard to play this game in a bad environment, and unfortunately, there are still some coaches in this league who can create a bad environment with that style." (emphasis added)Guess what, Goldmember, you're about to find out. This is the same Jeff Garcia who just signed to play for Chuckie Gruden, who--now that Parcells is retired--has to be the ultimate my-way-or-the-highway coach in the league.
So save me the mild-mannered coaches are the norm crap. What teams need are good coaches. Hopefully Kiffin is one for the Raiders.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Draft reaction - what's eating Nancy Gay?
Just when John and I had agreed that the Raiders had a productive draft, along came Nancy Gay's SF Chronicle reaction to The Day We Moved On. I had come to enjoy Nancy's point of view - for example, there was no knee-jerk reaction to Kiffin's age, calling him "a winner" at the owners' meetings.
But in today's article Gay all but called Kiffin a loser, criticizing McCown to Miller, Williams to...Gabriel? Worse yet, she suggested the Raiders had a lot to learn from the 49ers. Hmm, John and I said.
One must only compare the two articles linked above to see that Gay's reaction is all about misplaced faith in Randy Moss. Ironic, isn't it?
Nancy has been swearing all along that the Raiders aren't seriously trying to move Moss. So she must be upset with her source given that they parted with Moss for a mere 4th rounder. You can see late in the article that she accuses the Packers of floating "bogus Moss rumors" for a month. The fact seems to be that the Packers couldn't trade for him b/c Moss refused to restructure his contract for anyone but the Pats. How can it be a "bogus rumor" if there are quotes from Bob Harlan himself saying they held a number of meetings on the subject?
She's the first person I've heard criticize the TE pick. Mayock was saying he can do it all - much better blocker than the first TE that was picked, albeit better in space than in-line. And the info she quotes on McCown is a year old and inconsistent with what I've heard elsewhere. Other outlets say McCown asked for a trade to the Raiders b/c he wants a chance to start before becoming a free agent. What he said in 2006 shouldn't be relevant - I can understand wanting to be a backup playing for Martz instead of a backup playing for Tom Walsh! Plus, this trade has been rumored for weeks, with the Lions unwilling to part with him before they secured something in the draft. Now all of a sudden they are going to cut him? Even if they did, why get into a situation where you might have to sign him to a longer deal when you have the chance to get him as a fill-in with one year left on his contract?
The real question is who does Nancy think they should have picked at #33? They traded that pick and got Zach Miller, McCown, and Mike Williams. Not bad at all, if you ask me.
I'm optimistic, although with my most critical eye I'm not thrilled about drafting a track star and a "project" OT. Despite Gay's comments the WR makes sense b/c he is apparently a good kick returner, and while Carr is quite skilled with punt returns, our kick returns have been pretty weak.
Overall grade for the Gay article: D. She essentially told us she didn't have what it took, be it patience, skills or the stomach, to take the article to the next level of analysis and avoid venting her frustration that she was proven wrong on the Moss situation.
But in today's article Gay all but called Kiffin a loser, criticizing McCown to Miller, Williams to...Gabriel? Worse yet, she suggested the Raiders had a lot to learn from the 49ers. Hmm, John and I said.
One must only compare the two articles linked above to see that Gay's reaction is all about misplaced faith in Randy Moss. Ironic, isn't it?
Nancy has been swearing all along that the Raiders aren't seriously trying to move Moss. So she must be upset with her source given that they parted with Moss for a mere 4th rounder. You can see late in the article that she accuses the Packers of floating "bogus Moss rumors" for a month. The fact seems to be that the Packers couldn't trade for him b/c Moss refused to restructure his contract for anyone but the Pats. How can it be a "bogus rumor" if there are quotes from Bob Harlan himself saying they held a number of meetings on the subject?
She's the first person I've heard criticize the TE pick. Mayock was saying he can do it all - much better blocker than the first TE that was picked, albeit better in space than in-line. And the info she quotes on McCown is a year old and inconsistent with what I've heard elsewhere. Other outlets say McCown asked for a trade to the Raiders b/c he wants a chance to start before becoming a free agent. What he said in 2006 shouldn't be relevant - I can understand wanting to be a backup playing for Martz instead of a backup playing for Tom Walsh! Plus, this trade has been rumored for weeks, with the Lions unwilling to part with him before they secured something in the draft. Now all of a sudden they are going to cut him? Even if they did, why get into a situation where you might have to sign him to a longer deal when you have the chance to get him as a fill-in with one year left on his contract?
The real question is who does Nancy think they should have picked at #33? They traded that pick and got Zach Miller, McCown, and Mike Williams. Not bad at all, if you ask me.
I'm optimistic, although with my most critical eye I'm not thrilled about drafting a track star and a "project" OT. Despite Gay's comments the WR makes sense b/c he is apparently a good kick returner, and while Carr is quite skilled with punt returns, our kick returns have been pretty weak.
Overall grade for the Gay article: D. She essentially told us she didn't have what it took, be it patience, skills or the stomach, to take the article to the next level of analysis and avoid venting her frustration that she was proven wrong on the Moss situation.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Why? John talks about the reasons for this blog. (EXPLICIT CONTENT)
Super Bowl Sunday, 2003. What should be one of the greatest days in my life as a sports fan has started out poorly and is quickly becoming terrible as the game started and goes on. I’ve had more than a few Captain Morgan and Cokes, supplied by our gracious hosts in honor of the “Pirate Bowl,” Raiders vs. Bucs. The Raiders are getting their asses kicked. To make matters worse, my friend Jonathan, whose living room we’re sitting in as we’re watching this debacle, is a Bucs fan. Rich Gannon throws an interception which promptly is returned for a touchdown. Chucky Gruden is shown on the sideline making one of his cute, smug faces for the camera. I desperately turn to my wife of barely six weeks, The Professor, who is wearing one of my Raiders sweatshirts, and say, as nicely as I can, “Can you take off my sweatshirt?” The Professor, who loves me very much, grew up a 49ers fan, but she’s rocking Silver and Black to support me.
“No, why?”
“Aren’t you wearing anything underneath?”
“No, why?” Then the lightbulb goes off. My wife is a beautiful, sensitive, patient woman, and I’ve just crossed the line. “Are you trying to say I’m a jinx or something?”
“Well, it’s just that, well.”
“Goddamit, Johnny. You motherfucker. I KNOW you’re not calling me a jinx.”
I stammer, whine, go to the kitchen mix another drink, and pace back and forth across the tile floor, desperately smoking a cigarette. The Raiders will go on to lose the game, and the final score will not be close. And when I wake up Monday morning, on the couch, freezing, with nothing but my 1980s-era vintage Oakland Raiders sheets to cover myself, and a hangover so bad I’m begging for a Bloody Mary and shotgun, I’m wondering how I ever let myself get so worked up over another stupid game involving the fucking Raiders.
This is not the first time I’ve had to rethink my level of enthusiasm. That was after the AFC Championship game in January 2001. The Raiders were playing at home against the Baltimore Ravens. The Raiders had beaten Miami 27-0 in an old fashioned ass whipping the week before. When Baltimore beat the top-seeded Tennessee Titans, that gave the Raiders home-field advantage for the right to go to the Super Bowl. All week before the championship game, none of my fellow Raiders fan friends could concentrate on anything else. We had all been at the Miami game and we’d all shared in the ecstatic party atmosphere of that victory. I paid $160 for a ticket to the game in the third deck. Before the game, the tail gaiting was spectacular. One guy hired a full mariachi band from Jalisco to come up and play on the back of a flatbed truck. We were so sure the Raiders were going to kick Baltimore’s ass just like we’d kicked Miami’s ass. But it didn’t happen. I had to sit there, stunned, as that sweaty fat fucker Tony Siragusa sat his unshapely, 720lbs-ass on Gannon, separating his shoulder and forcing him to leave the game. Then Shannon Sharpe, taking a break from being the Broncos mascot to whore himself out to the Ravens, took a pass 97 yards for the game’s only as the Ravens won 16-9. Walking out of that stadium felt like somebody close to me had died. I was depressed for the next week. I swore to myself I wouldn’t care that much about a stupid football game ever again. How could the outcome of a contest pitting grown men against each other in which the object was to advance a pig’s organ over some goal line be the cause of such soul-wrenching anxiety?
I really didn’t need this shit.
Then the following season, right after the first game, came 9/11. Like everyone else, I took an inventory of what is and isn’t important in my life, I rearranged my priorities and all that. Football and the Raiders moved way down the list. I still went to games and cheered loudly, but I wasn’t losing any sleep over it. Not until January 19, 2002, anyway. We all saw it. Woodson came on a blitz, hitting Tom Brady and knocking the ball loose. Biekert landed on the ball. I was hosting a party to watch the game, a group of about 12 Raiders fans. We went absolutely buck wild. “Back In Black” by AC/DC was turned on the stereo, everyone was jumping and dancing and yelling because the Raiders had won and amazing victory.
But no, wait just a goddam minute here. If there’s less than two minutes remaining in a half, a league official in the replay booth signals to the on-field referee if he feels a play should be reviewed. In this case, he thought it may have been an incomplete pass attempt; maybe Brady’s arm had been moving forward or something. Then, that son of bitch Walt Coleman, pissed because as a child his mother put food on the table by sucking the syphilitic cocks of French sailors on leave, took out his frustrations on the Raiders by making up some bullshit about a “Tuck Rule,” an obscure, arcane rule that nobody had ever heard of and still cannot properly explain, giving the Patriots the ball and a chance to maybe win the game. They ended up kicking a field goal to tie the game, and went on to win in overtime. Once again, I was left with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, wondering how I let myself get so caught up in a stupid game.
Which brings us back to that Super Bowl, which my wife now refers to as “That Night,” and how I once again found myself wondering if it’s worth it. And the last four seasons: Callahan coaching the “Dumbest team in America,” Norv coaching scared, and whatever the fuck it was Art Shell was doing last year with his Rocky Mountain Bed-and-Breakfast offense.
But I still care. And that’s why we’re starting this blog. Maybe Kiffin will bring back some of that feeling from early this decade. That’s all I want, for the Raiders to matter again. Baby steps. This blog will cover it. The posts might be sporadic until training camp, spiking around draft day and picking up during training camp.
Stay tuned.
“No, why?”
“Aren’t you wearing anything underneath?”
“No, why?” Then the lightbulb goes off. My wife is a beautiful, sensitive, patient woman, and I’ve just crossed the line. “Are you trying to say I’m a jinx or something?”
“Well, it’s just that, well.”
“Goddamit, Johnny. You motherfucker. I KNOW you’re not calling me a jinx.”
I stammer, whine, go to the kitchen mix another drink, and pace back and forth across the tile floor, desperately smoking a cigarette. The Raiders will go on to lose the game, and the final score will not be close. And when I wake up Monday morning, on the couch, freezing, with nothing but my 1980s-era vintage Oakland Raiders sheets to cover myself, and a hangover so bad I’m begging for a Bloody Mary and shotgun, I’m wondering how I ever let myself get so worked up over another stupid game involving the fucking Raiders.
This is not the first time I’ve had to rethink my level of enthusiasm. That was after the AFC Championship game in January 2001. The Raiders were playing at home against the Baltimore Ravens. The Raiders had beaten Miami 27-0 in an old fashioned ass whipping the week before. When Baltimore beat the top-seeded Tennessee Titans, that gave the Raiders home-field advantage for the right to go to the Super Bowl. All week before the championship game, none of my fellow Raiders fan friends could concentrate on anything else. We had all been at the Miami game and we’d all shared in the ecstatic party atmosphere of that victory. I paid $160 for a ticket to the game in the third deck. Before the game, the tail gaiting was spectacular. One guy hired a full mariachi band from Jalisco to come up and play on the back of a flatbed truck. We were so sure the Raiders were going to kick Baltimore’s ass just like we’d kicked Miami’s ass. But it didn’t happen. I had to sit there, stunned, as that sweaty fat fucker Tony Siragusa sat his unshapely, 720lbs-ass on Gannon, separating his shoulder and forcing him to leave the game. Then Shannon Sharpe, taking a break from being the Broncos mascot to whore himself out to the Ravens, took a pass 97 yards for the game’s only as the Ravens won 16-9. Walking out of that stadium felt like somebody close to me had died. I was depressed for the next week. I swore to myself I wouldn’t care that much about a stupid football game ever again. How could the outcome of a contest pitting grown men against each other in which the object was to advance a pig’s organ over some goal line be the cause of such soul-wrenching anxiety?
I really didn’t need this shit.
Then the following season, right after the first game, came 9/11. Like everyone else, I took an inventory of what is and isn’t important in my life, I rearranged my priorities and all that. Football and the Raiders moved way down the list. I still went to games and cheered loudly, but I wasn’t losing any sleep over it. Not until January 19, 2002, anyway. We all saw it. Woodson came on a blitz, hitting Tom Brady and knocking the ball loose. Biekert landed on the ball. I was hosting a party to watch the game, a group of about 12 Raiders fans. We went absolutely buck wild. “Back In Black” by AC/DC was turned on the stereo, everyone was jumping and dancing and yelling because the Raiders had won and amazing victory.
But no, wait just a goddam minute here. If there’s less than two minutes remaining in a half, a league official in the replay booth signals to the on-field referee if he feels a play should be reviewed. In this case, he thought it may have been an incomplete pass attempt; maybe Brady’s arm had been moving forward or something. Then, that son of bitch Walt Coleman, pissed because as a child his mother put food on the table by sucking the syphilitic cocks of French sailors on leave, took out his frustrations on the Raiders by making up some bullshit about a “Tuck Rule,” an obscure, arcane rule that nobody had ever heard of and still cannot properly explain, giving the Patriots the ball and a chance to maybe win the game. They ended up kicking a field goal to tie the game, and went on to win in overtime. Once again, I was left with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, wondering how I let myself get so caught up in a stupid game.
Which brings us back to that Super Bowl, which my wife now refers to as “That Night,” and how I once again found myself wondering if it’s worth it. And the last four seasons: Callahan coaching the “Dumbest team in America,” Norv coaching scared, and whatever the fuck it was Art Shell was doing last year with his Rocky Mountain Bed-and-Breakfast offense.
But I still care. And that’s why we’re starting this blog. Maybe Kiffin will bring back some of that feeling from early this decade. That’s all I want, for the Raiders to matter again. Baby steps. This blog will cover it. The posts might be sporadic until training camp, spiking around draft day and picking up during training camp.
Stay tuned.
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