Done with Real Football

Having no control over the Raiders and even the Packers is extraordinarily frustrating and unrewarding. I do, however, have some control over my fantasy football team, and today, like Johnny, I'm in my league's championship game. So this week I will annoyingly put my picks in the context of my fantasy matchup with Alex the Hardworking Immigrant.

• Texans over Raiders - Andre Johnson will continue to carry my team (pro bowler Nnamdi won't cover him every down), but Alex will get good production out of DMC thanks to installation of the Darren Ratio. Zach Miller will finally get into the end zone for me and validate my coaching move to bench Shockey in his favor.
• Forty-Niners over Rams - that we are in the championship game should tell you we have no players involved in this one.
• Bears over Packers - the inconsistent Packers D will have a down day today for poor Alex.
• Giants over Carolina - weird. We don't have any of these guys.

Strangely, the most critical game of the day will be NO-DET, with Drew Brees and Kevin Smith on my side taking on Pierre Thomas on his. I do not happen to believe that this will be Detroit's first win of the season. We will also be watching San Diego. I'd like to see LT finally come through when it counts the most, while Rivers - possibly the most unlikable player in the NFL who isn't in jail at the moment - and Gates take it easy today. Maybe Norv will come back to Oakland next year as Raiders QB coach?