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Replacement Officials and the NFL: Amazing, Lame, Epic Failures.

What a game yesterday.  I understand that NFL is in business negotiations right now, and using Scab Officials is necessary to teach the regular officials to bow down.  Screws the fans though, and if you hear/see some player quotes from the Green Bay Packers - then you know that some players feel screwed also.  Our own President weighed in on it - and you would think he would be able at some point to spur these NFL assholes into giving the Officials some damn Vacation Time and some fucking health benefits.

The NFL will simply deal with this for now, maybe in the hopes that the Replacements will learn under fire and in 3 - 4 weeks some will be ready to permanently replace some of the dudes on strike.  That happens (Replacements being kept) and all of a sudden the League will have a watered-down fraternity of Officials and a better bargaining position.

I feel for Green Bay, but they're the one's that coughed up 8 sacks in the first half and only led Seattle by 5 measly ass points at the end of the game.    I mean damn, the Pack had the ball with 2 minutes left and the lead, then tried to fumble the ball away on first down. Failing at that, they ended up punting from their own 5.  They reaped what they sowed - even though anyone and everyone with eyeballs that are functional could tell that TD "catch" was total bullshit. It was an interception.

And of course the replay decision was faulty.  Much like the "Tuck Rule", unheard of until the Raiders played the Patriots in the the AFC Championship - yesterday, a blatant pass interference call cannot be overturned by replay - even though the NFL replays and reviews ALL Touchdowns - and the receiver get's a reception because it was simultaneously caught.  What?  WTF?  The freaking wide receiver (Golden Tate - "Golden"?  Really?) was draped over the back of the DB (M.D. Jennings) who clearly intercepted the damn ball. 

Back in the day the Raiders got robbed - nay:  assraped in a Championship game (and that call was made by "Real Officials")  - so regular season game 3 doesn't quite hold the same signifigance, but the absurdity of the calls are quite similar - replacement officials or not - because the NFL is backing both of those horribly shitty calls.  Amazing.

I love how one official signalled Touch Back and the other signalled Touchdown - and they went the TD signalling asshole 10 mother-loving minutes later.  They had to drag 11 Green Bay players back out onto the field to defend the extra point.  Lame. 

I like how the NFL was like: "Uh, Yeah...  Call was messed up, they should have called P.I., but they didn't and so that was a simultaneous catch, so yeah...  TD.  Suck it Packers".  Epic Fail.


Sllaacs

Nibiru - Where is the Damned Thing?

WE WERE supposed to see Niburu by now.  Streaking around the Southern Hemisphere of our own Sun, coming in to raze our homes, tilting the axis of the Earth anywhere from 10 degress to 30 degrees.  This Pole Shift will cause global catastrophe straight out of Revelations, and only the Human Elite and their chosen kin will survive by living in gigantic underground bunkers.  The rest of us will have to use the type of apparatus shown below.

Nibiru is supposed to be red, but this guy has a nice explanation for where the threatening heavenly body is currently hanging out. 

You gottta love this Tsunami Survival Ball the guy is shilling out at the bottom of the article:


Yeah, buddy.  If you're wearing one of these when a Tsunami hits you ain't got nothing to worry about - except clean air.  If they manage to get 10,000 of these mofos ordered then the cost is only $2,012.00 each.  Holy shit, and you would think that with the world about to end - they wouldn't care so much for money.  BTW, if you didn't order by April 1, 2012 - that's your ass, and when we're clinging to trees and pool tables and other shit that could float, these assholes are going to walk right on by with their sealed Bubble-Boy bubbles laughing all way to...  the bank?  I wonder how much air is in that thing and what happens when you replace the air in there with CO2 from your lungs.  And of course, how long the entire process takes.


SO IF Nibiru is on the way to us, the reason we can't see it is because it is a Red Dwarf, and apparently hard to see.  Our Ancient Alien manipulators are thought to live in, on or around Nibiru and are currently trying to warn us of the coming apocalypse via Crop Circles. 

       
I have no idea what that shit says.  I mean, Aliens - c'mon - you been abducting us for years - you know our colons inside and out, yet you can't write in English, Spanish or Chinese?  Epic Fail.


There are some way-out-there theories that explain a lot of stuff except for "how the hell am I supposed to believe that?".   The theroists all say "research", so that's what I'm doing.  Let's see where this takes us, shall we? 

I began with the End of Days scenarios for my first piece because we could only be 2 1/2 months away from a total assrape by a fucking planet.  Can we stop it, like in that movie Armageddon?  Wait, the Bible is right?  Wormwood, the Destroyer, Planet X, etc. is coming - what can we do?

 Duck and Cover, my friend, because there won't be too many more options. 

Talk about shit happening on a scale that Humans can barely comprehend.

Hollow Earth, Martians living amongst us (maybe are us), Anunnaki, Olmecs, Ancient Egyptians, the Dogon tribe and much more are intriguing subjects that I must learn more about. 


Sllaacs

And the Raiders Win!

Quite the game, Sunday.  Quite the game indeed.  Really a must-win game at this point in the season and despite Ben Rothlisberger going unchecked throughout - the Raiders win the stat that matters the most in Football - Turnover Ratio.  4 bumbles by the fumbling Steelers, two of which Oakland Recovered.

As expected, Rothlisberger had a great game, and as hoped for by all Raiders fans Carson Palmer also had a great game - with an early pick the only blemish on his game performance.

With the return of Denarius Moore the loss of DHB may not be a killer, but having both of those guys in the lineup is going to look good with the way Palmer played against the Steelers and really the way the Raiders QB should play all season.  Darren McFadden looks fit as expected, so the Raiders offense should at least be as good as it was last year, unfortunately the Defense is likely to be as bad as it was last year, which leads me to expect a loss next week against Denver. 

Dennis Allen is a former Defensive Coordinator for Denver and would seem to have an edge that other teams may not have against the 0-2 Broncos this season, but with Peyton Manning throwing, and both defenses prone to cough up an assload of yardage, this game is likely to be high scoring.

Besides, I only expect the Raiders to go 1-7 for the first half - leading to Allen's ouster, so this is a game that Oakland will have to lose.


- Sllaacs

Raiders Back in Black - A Hole, That Is.

A rough beginning for Da Raida's, no doubt.  0-2 is never pretty, and the new coach has effected a Zone Blocking Scheme that doesn't seem to fit the current personnel.  Frank Pollock and Greg Knapp have their work cut out for them if the Raiders are going to turn around the 2 yards per carry that Darren McFadden is averaging through 2 season-opening losses. And what of the baby-faced head coach, Dennis Allen - what's the over/under on his termination date?  I say 1-7 is the win-loss record that gets him canned. And I also say that this is a perfectly approachable record for the Raiders this season.  Let's take a look at the remaining schedule for the 2012 Oakland Raiders:

Having already lost to the Chargers and the Dolphins, here is what awaits the 0-2 Raiders:

09/23 Steelers vs Raiders ‎- Loss - Ben Rothlesberger.

09/30 Raiders vs Broncos ‎- Loss - Peyton Manning

10/14 Raiders vs Falcons ‎-Loss - Matt Ryan - "Matty Ice".

10/21 Jaguars vs Raiders ‎- Winnable -  I didn't say "Win", but winnable.

10/28 Raiders vs Chiefs ‎-Another Winnable - but I say Loss

11/04 Buccaneers vs Raiders ‎-Loss -  Vincent Jackson

11/11 Raiders vs Ravens ‎-- Loss - Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

11/18 Saints vs Raiders ‎-Loss - (see above - Raiders vs Ravens)

11/25 Raiders vs Bengals ‎-Winnable

12/02 Browns vs Raiders ‎- Winnable

12/06 Broncos vs Raiders ‎-Loss - P. Manning playing for a postseason berth? 

12/16 Chiefs vs Raiders ‎- WIN -  that's right, probably for only the 2nd time this year.

12/23 Raiders vs Panthers ‎-Loss - most likely Cam Newton authors a soul-searing blow-out.
So I see about 3 to 5 wins for the Raiders this season (Hope Springs Eternal) with most of those wins coming in the second half - long after the Oakland team is 1-7 or 0-8. 

Damn. Kind of miss the "Bully" that Hugh Jackson was "Building" right now, eh, Raider Fan?


-  Sllaacs

Carson Palmer, FTW

I found out from Dan via text message about an hour ago. Yes, we're all excited here. Ray Ratto has an interesting first take on the trade:

But what it absolutely means is this: Hue Jackson is now the general manager of the Oakland Raiders, the living modern-day embodiment of the man who hired him. He went from offensive coordinator to head coach to the master of the football operations department in nine months, a rise so meteoric that even Al in the afterlife must find that a bit breathtaking.

And then my favorite line:

Even Joseph Stalin cooled his heels for two years before throwing his elbows around.

We'll have more reactions as they come in. But I'll tell you what, Al loved players from USC, and he loved Heisman Trophy winners. It's on.

Rick Reilly, all-time great chickenshit

This is old, I know. But I work, and there's a baby in the house and I've also been a little busy worrying about who will back up Kyle Boller now that Jason Campbell's collar bone is broken.

But thank Christ for Rick Reilly, who took it upon himself last week to reflect HONESTLY on the legacy of Al Davis.

You know how I know how I know Reilly's column is lazy? Because he quotes 8 outside sources in his column and links to zero of them. That's this many:



You get the idea. Anyway, he sets up a straw man, the idea that everyone who has written an obit about Davis glossed over the darker areas.

As you pass the casket at Maori funerals in New Zealand, you are encouraged to speak frankly to the dead man, sometimes even mentioning his faults, right out loud.

With all due respect to his life and legacy, I think we need a funeral like that for recently departed Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis -- a man I covered since I was 25.

It's white of him to educate us about the religious practices of the Maori. Since he doesn't link to where he got this information, I googled "Maori funeral rites and got this from wikipedia:

• Tangihanga or funeral rites may take two or three days. The deceased lies in state, usually in an open coffin flanked by female relatives dressed in black, their heads sometimes wreathed in kawakawa leaves, who take few and short breaks. During the day, visitors come, sometimes from great distances despite only a distant relationship, to address the deceased. They may speak frankly of his or her faults as well as virtues, but singing and joking are also appropriate. Free expression of grief by both men and women is encouraged. Traditional beliefs may be invoked, and the deceased told to return to the ancestral homeland, Hawaiki, by way of te rerenga wairua, the spirits' journey. The close kin or kiri mate ("dead skin") may not speak. On the last night, the pō whakamutunga (night of ending), the mourners hold a vigil and at sunrise the coffin is closed, before a church or marae funeral service and/or graveside interment ceremony, invariably Christian. It is traditional for mourners to wash their hands in water and sprinkle some on their heads before leaving a cemetery. After the burial rites are completed, a feast is traditionally served. Mourners are expected to provide koha or gifts towards the meal. After the burial, the home of the deceased and the place they died are ritually cleansed with karakia (prayers or incantations) and desanctified with food and drink, in a ceremony called takahi whare, trampling the house. That night, the pō whakangahau (night of entertainment) is a night of relaxation and rest. The widow or widower is not left alone for several nights following.
• During the following year, the kinfolk of a prominent deceased person will visit other marae, "bringing the death" (kawe mate) to them. They carry pictures of the person on to the marae.
• Unveilings of headstones (hura kōwhatu) are usually held about a year after a death, often on a public holiday to accommodate visitors who could not get to the tangihanga. The dead are remembered and more grief expressed.

Notice he left out the parts about the graveside internment ceremony (invariably Christian, totally appropriate for a recently-deceased Jew like Al Davis). This is instructive, because he spends the rest of the column destroying his straw man with Honesty by cherry-picking quotes from obituaries. Let's take a look at just one of those, "Raiders' Al Davis, sport's ultimate bad guy, will be missed" a 9-year old pre-Superbowl column by Bill Plaschke (thanks again, google). 

Actually, take a minute or two and read the whole column. It's a good lesson in how to write a balanced, nuanced take on a complicated man's life. Anyway, his column alternates something good with something not-so-good. Let's take a look at the passage Reilly quotes:

It would be wonderful if today could be a tribute to the brains behind the AFL-NFL merger, the curator of the downfield passing game, the first football executive to hire both a Latino and an African American head coach, the only owner whose successor probably will be a woman.

Notice first what he left off all the non-bolded text. But anyway, the next sentence:

But it's hard to hand over your heart to a guy who used to make his equipment man fall to his knees and clean his shoes when he entered the locker room.

Wait, that sounds familiar. Where have I read that before? Oh, unattributed, in Rick Reilly's HONEST Maori eulogy.

Yet after practices, Davis would routinely throw a towel down on the locker room floor and wait for somebody to clean his shoes. No please, no thank you. Just do it, baby. And grown men would.

Looking at Plashcke's obituary now, I'd like to quote at length another passage.

In the end, this intimidation changed a league, broke down barriers and created a unique sports culture, a group simply known as Raider Fan. This is a name given to any of thousands of spectators — many from Los Angeles — who embrace the sort of havoc in the stands that Davis' team attempts on the field.

What will happen to Raider Fan now? What if Davis' heirs sell the team to someone who will attempt to move them back to Los Angeles' new NFL stadium?

For that to happen, the team must first change the silver and black colors that are so popular among gang members. And second, well, they might as well change the name.

Contrast this with Reilly's Maori Funeral Address.

Yes, Al Davis "was what all Raiders fans identified with" (SBNation.com).

And the rest of the league has had to live with them ever since. A Raiders jersey or jacket became gang uniform in Oakland and L.A. "The Black Hole" at Oakland games is about as disgusting a place as you can find. YouTube is lousy with guys in Raiders jerseys throwing haymakers. Now, there's talk that Davis' oldest son, Mark, may sell the Raiders to Philip Anschutz, who would move the team to Los Angeles. After what happened at Dodgers Stadium this year, you want to bring a thug element that would make Dodgers fans look like Our Gang? Better barricade I-5.

I'm not even going to address the racial coding of "gang uniform" and "thug element." It's too easy and once you bring it up, people get all defensive, because no white person anywhere in the United States is ever racist. And never mind that youtube is also lousy with Eagles fans and Broncos fans and Jets fans throwing haymakers at people. So let's just look at the Plaschke quote next to the Reilly quote and draw our own conclusions.

Oh fuck it. I'd accuse Reilly of plagiarism but I honestly don't think he's smart enough to plagiarize. What he is is Lazy. And chickenshit. He could have written a column where he just flat-out called Al Davis an asshole. Like Jeremy Stahl in Slate's "Al Davis, all-time great asshole."

But Reilly doesn't have the balls. So he plays anthropologist, and libels a bunch fans, and takes cheap shots.